Unwrapping the Onion: Part 3: A Growing Up Story

by Permission to Live Before I go any further I just want to make it clear that my spouse has participated in the writing and editing of this series, and has given their full support and approval of it's publication. This post is part of a series of nine posts. Please click here to start with the series Introduction. Over the next number of months it seemed that we talked about transgender questions and issues constantly. My spouse had been unable to talk about this for so long and now it was like a floodgate had opened. He told me about how he had always felt different, that even as a small child he wished he could play with some of the girls’ toys and wondered why he couldn’t … [Read more...]

Debunking the Fourteen Basic Needs of a Marriage: Part 2a

by Incongruous Circumspection Make sure to familiarize yourself with the first Basic Need of a Husband, according to Bill Gothard - A man needs a wife who is loyal and supportive. You can read my response to this nonsense here: Introduction Part 1a Part 1b: Women? Goals? Who are YOU Kidding?! Part 1c: Men are Fragile and Women are Manipulative Fools Part 1d: Husbands are Omniscient and Wives Must Give Sex Now, let's move on to the next Basic Need of a Husband. [#2. A man needs a wife who honors his leadership.] In my opinion, Bill is padding the numbers to get to God's "perfect number" of seven. Honoring the husband's leadership is only slightly different than the first … [Read more...]

Unwrapping the Onion: Part 1: A Secret Revealed

by Permission to Live This post is part of a series of nine posts. Please click here to start with the series Introduction. As many of you know, my spouse and I got married young after a short parent-supervised courtship. We began our marriage “the right way” according to everything we believed. We had obeyed our parents and stayed pure from emotional relationships or sexual activity, so when we got married neither of us had ever been intimate with any other person. We were wholeheartedly committed to our Christian beliefs at that time, feeling certain that birth control was wrong in almost any circumstance and that men should be the family leaders and women should be submissive. … [Read more...]

Debunking the Fourteen Basic Needs of a Marriage: Part d – Husbands are Omniscient and Wives MUST Give Sex Husbands

by Incongruous Circumspection In Part 1c, we learned that men are so fragile, anything a woman does that is not exactly what the bloke is expecting will lead to his demise. Let's finish looking at the first basic need of a husband. ***** [Seek your husband’s advice first. A wife should demonstrate loyalty to her husband’s wishes, goals, and standards. Therefore, when a need arises, you should seek your husband’s guidance and counsel first, especially in regard to family issues, rather than seeking advice from other family members and friends.] When Kristine and I first met, I had swallowed this idea whole. I knew all the answers to life and, better yet, knew how to find them … [Read more...]

Emotional Incest Part 4: The Pain

by Libby Anne In Part 1 I discussed the definition of emotional incest, in Part 2 I discussed its relationship with Christian Patriarchy, and in Part 3 I pointed out just how easy it is to slip into the harmful emotionally incestuous dynamics (the “daddy’s girl” effect). I am now going to turn to the problems and pain emotional incest causes. But first, I want to note that emotional incest can happen in any family (not just one involved in Christian Patriarchy) and that it can happen with sons as well as with daughters. In focusing as I have on daughters, and also on Christian Patriarchy, I have of necessity left a lot out. Emotional incest causes a multitude of problems, but … [Read more...]

Emotional Incest: The Bottom Line

by Sierra [Editors' note: At the time of writing, Libby Anne and Sierra were unaware of the controversy surrounding Hugo Schwyzer. The discussion of his critique of emotional incest is not an endorsement of Schwyzer by NLQ.] My last two posts, and indeed all my thinking on the subject has led me to some conclusions about the ways that Christian Patriarchy and purity culture enable and even celebrate emotional incest. The following are the cliff notes: Christian patriarchy turns marriage from a relationship to an institution, effectively reversing the historical trend from business partnerships and heir insurance to bonds between two free agents based on love. Evangelical culture … [Read more...]

Snipped! Part 4 The Freedom of Divorce

  by Incongruous Circumspection Seven years old was a big year for me. It was at this point that Mama and Dad’s relationship boiled over and broke apart. Dad left and went to live by himself, leaving my siblings and I alone with Mama. At this point in my life, the alone time with Mama wasn’t too bad. She hadn’t learned yet, to take her immature “lashing out,” and reconcile it with her interpretation of the Bible. She was just solidly abusive and then excitingly adventurous. At one point, Dad did try to come back and give the marriage another chance. I remember being asked to dry the dishes one evening. Dad had pulled our old black and white television from its corner, … [Read more...]

An Introduction to Paul

By Paul Vyckie Garrison has asked me to write an introductory post concerning my blog, paulspassingthoughts.com, and the timing is perfect. After researching New Calvinism for five years now, I have recently discovered a relationship between New Calvinism and Patriarchy groups. This is a very significant development. New Calvinism shapes most of the Christian landscape in our day. It came out of the Progressive Adventist movement in 1970. The base doctrine is the centrality of the objective gospel outside of us. It teaches that all truth is outside of us and encapsulated in the gospel. By understanding Christ and his works in a deeper and deeper way, we manifest one of two realms, … [Read more...]

Debunking the Fourteen Basic Needs of a Marriage: Part 1b – Women? Goals? Who Are YOU Kidding!

By Incongruous Circumspection In Part 1a, we witnessed Bill Gothard call a woman who does not obey her husband in everything, never questioning any decision he makes, a "fool". He based this epithet on a woman while referencing Ephesians 5:22 - 24. Of course, I uncovered the fact that Bill was flat out lying. That passage says nothing of the sort. Let's continue discussing Gothard's first Basic Need of a Husband ([A man needs a wife that is loyal and supportive]). Gothard continues to expound on the above basic need by stating the following: [Realize that your husband’s perspective is different than yours.] Wow. Bill is really smart. Put two or more people together and you … [Read more...]

Debunking the Fourteen Basic Needs of a Marriage: Part 1a

by Incongruous Circumspection In the Introduction, we looked into the general idea that Bill Gothard is trying to get across in this series. He attempts to list seven basic needs of a husband and seven, also, of the wife. We discuss the flaw in this logic, which is, Bill treats life as if all men and women are exactly the same. Worse yet, Bill positions this series, as well as all of his "truth" in all of his materials, as the non-optional, unquestioned, standard for finding favor with God. Let's look at Bill's first "Basic Need" of a husband. Basic Need One: A man needs a wife who is loyal and supportive. At face value, this looks lame enough. What man wouldn't want a woman that … [Read more...]