49 Character Qualities of the Duggars: A Report Card

September 10, 2010 By 51 Comments

[Note: The point of this post is not about passing judgment on the Duggar family. The question is, does the lifestyle they endorse actually do what they say it will? Is it the perfect formula for a godly family? Or is what we’re seeing just a set of normal people striving within a very difficult way of living?

This post examines the Duggars’ own lives within the paradigm they themselves endorse. Given that we only see what our televisions allow us to-- does what we can see, reflect the image held up to us? And if it does not, how can we be sure about what we can‘t see?

No one expects the Duggars to be perfect. But that is not the question. The real question is: are they really showing us the best, most godly way to live-- or are we recipients of some level of what might be called “false advertising?” Please read "Duggar Bashing" for Vyckie's perspective on this Report Card..]

All of Bill Gothard’s 49 Character Qualities can be viewed online here.

by Hopewell

Alertness vs. Unawareness

Being aware of that which is taking place around me so I can have the right response to it (Mark 14:38)

Parents Jim-Bob and Michelle often seem oblivious to all that’s going on around them! Not to mention their apparent total disregard for OSHA regulations in building their home, it’s been quite a few years [on TV at least] since a bike helmet has been spotted and the girls continue to run things like an saw for cutting tile in loose dresses with unsecured long hair. Negative marks to Josh for only showing alertness of greed on the birth of his daughter and opting to have his wife deliver at home instead of overriding her panic at a new doctor. Sorry, but that seems more like “oh no, we’ll lose ratings for not showing the birth!” than any real concern for Anna and the baby. Kuddos, though, to Josh and John David for being alert to a roadside accident victim and performing lifesaving assistance. A big improvement in alertness to little Josie since her near-death experience when first home.

Grade for the Family D+

Attentiveness vs. Unconcern

Showing the worth of a person by giving undivided attention to his words and emotions (Hebrews 2:1)

Jim-Bob and Michelle model this perfectly for their children. Michelle’s rapt gaze as Jim-Bob speaks encourages her husband and shows him that what he is saying matters to her. As is typical of younger people, Josh and Anna struggle with this one more—especially Joshua who is likely used to being the oldest and shouting the loudest. He has gotten better at this over his first year, almost two years, of marriage.

Cousin Amy struggles with this. Grandma has it down to a “t” and the four oldest girls are coming along fine.

GRADE for the family: B+

Availability vs. Self-centeredness

Making my own schedule and priorities secondary to the wishes of those I am serving (Philippians 2:20–21)

The Duggars teach their children “J.O.Y: Jesus First, Others Second, Yourself Last.” And, surprisingly, they do a decent job of this. We’ve seen the girls make middle-of-the-night breakfast for Dad on his way to the hospital with Mama, Grandma tirelessly manning the single washer and dryer in the Little Rock house, Grandma cleaning and watching kids whenever needed, John David helping at Josh’s car lot, John David and Joseph staying behind to continue working on the Bates’ home, the older girls helping at everything all the time, Josiah picking flowers for Grandma and the girls, kids making cards and banners, even Cousin Amy pitching in to help with the little kids. Michelle loses some points here for not seeming to respond much to her little children’s needs for love and affection. (This could be the editing of the show, but seems likely to be more than that).

Grade for the family: A-

Filed Under: 20 and Counting by JimBob & Michelle Duggar, 49 Character Qualities, Advance Training Institute (ATI) / Institution for Basic Life Principles (IBLP) (Bill Gothard), Biblical Manhood & Womanhood, Bill Gothard, Birth Control, Buddy System, Child Training, Christian Modesty, Courtship / Betrothal, Debt-Free Living, Defrauding, Dominionism / Christian Reconstruction, Frugality, Gil & Kelly Bates, Help Meet, Homeschool, Hopewell's Posts, Hospitality, J.O.Y (Self Denial), JimBob & Michelle Duggar, Josh & Anna Duggar, Jurisdictions, Mega-Families, NLQ Miscellany, Patriarchy, Psalm 127 / Quiverfull: Be Fruitful & Multiply, Purity, Quiverfull Books, Quiverfull Counterculture, Quiverfull Leaders, Quiverfull Ministries, Quiverfull Topics, Sheltering Children, Socialization, Stay At Home Daughters (SAHDs), Umbrella of Authority Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , 51 Comments

The 49 Character Qualities of Ruth #19: You are 16, going on 17

September 10, 2010 By


by RazingRuth

I spent close to, or maybe a little over a year, trying to dodge Adam’s calls. We weren’t officially “courting”, so I didn’t see why I had to speak with him any more than I was allowed to speak to other male “friends of the family” that called. Unfortunately, my father had decided that we should get to know each other better and that was the end of that discussion.

Adam was a very pushy guy. Many of his questions seemed inappropriate, even if they would’ve been asked in a normal dating situation. He would ask the standards:

  • How many children do you want?
  • Will you pledge to allowing the Lord to open and close your womb?
  • How do you feel about debt?
  • Would you be willing to sacrifice and go without in order to start OUR lives out with no debt?
  • Would you allow me my patriarchal authority or would you insist on an equal partnership (said like it was bad thing)?

Filed Under: 49 Character Qualities, A Woman's Choice, Abstinence, Advance Training Institute (ATI) / Institution for Basic Life Principles (IBLP) (Bill Gothard), Alienation, Beautiful Girlhood, Biblical Chastisement, Biblical Manhood & Womanhood, Bill Gothard, Blanket Training, Boundaries, Bounded Choice, Buddy System, Child Abuse, Child Labor, Child Training, Chores, Chores, Chores!, Christian Modesty, College for Daughters, Courtship / Betrothal, Defrauding, Educational Neglect, Elitism, Emotional Purity, Enmeshment, Father Worship, Femininity vs Feminism, Fundamentalism, Gender Equality, Homemaking Skills, Homeschool, Honoring Parents, Hospitality, Instant, Joyous, Obedience, Isolation, Issues, J.O.Y (Self Denial), Jurisdictions, Legalism, Maintaining Appearances, Manipulation, Mega-Families, Mother's Helper, NLQ Stories, Parentification of Children, Patriarchy, Perfectionism, Personal Autonomy, Psalm 127 / Quiverfull: Be Fruitful & Multiply, Purity, Quiverfull Counterculture, Quiverfull Discernment, Quiverfull Leaders, Quiverfull Ministries, Quiverfull Topics, Self-Abnegation / Martydom, Self-Preservation Factor, Separation - Individuation, Sheltering Children, Shunning, Sibling Relationships, Socialization, Spiritual Issues, Stay At Home Daughters (SAHDs), Submission, The "Rod", The 49 Character Qualities of Ruth, Umbrella of Authority Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

The 49 Character Qualities of Ruth #18: Relationship

September 9, 2010 By


by RazingRuth

Day two of the Carson’s visit was on a Sunday and we had a worship service in our homechurch. My father led the service which, coincidently, seemed centered around the covenants of marriage and purity. This was a frequent theme in our church but it still made me feel ‘on the spot’. After service, we went to the park for a picnic. Historically, these picnics were semi-segregated by sex. The boys would gather around one area and do activities or chat with the men. The girls and women would set out the food and then congregate for “fellowship”. On this day, however, my dad suggested that I take drinks over to the boys and see if they needed anything.

Adam was, in hindsight, waiting for me to approach him. I asked the group if they needed anything and I was bombarded by requests. So much so that I couldn’t possibly carry everything back on my own. Adam volunteered to help me. The 100 yards or so back to the covered picnic area was the longest walk I’d ever had alone with a boy that wasn’t a family member. Adam took full advantage of the time and continued his interrogation from the day before. I answered in one word answers and didn’t contribute much to the discussion.

Shortly thereafter, my dad grabbed me by the arm and drug me behind the van to ask why I was being so short with Adam – apparently, Adam had told his father, who told my father, that I wasn’t being friendly enough. I told my dad that I was uncomfortable discussing personal things with Adam as I barely knew him and I had never been with a boy alone. My dad reacted in a way I thought, and still think, was strange! Instead of understanding the position I was in and congratulating me for maintaining the boundaries he’d instilled in me, he was enraged! He told me that I *would* answer all of Adam’s quetsions and I would do it JOYfully. I *would* be the “epitome of grace and womanhood” and I would “remember my place” as the eldest, “example” daughter. With that, I was pushed back to the fray. Adam was right there waiting.

Filed Under: 49 Character Qualities, A Woman's Choice, Abstinence, Advance Training Institute (ATI) / Institution for Basic Life Principles (IBLP) (Bill Gothard), Alienation, Beautiful Girlhood, Biblical Chastisement, Biblical Manhood & Womanhood, Bill Gothard, Blanket Training, Boundaries, Bounded Choice, Buddy System, Child Abuse, Child Labor, Child Training, Chores, Chores, Chores!, Christian Modesty, College for Daughters, Courtship / Betrothal, Defrauding, Educational Neglect, Elitism, Emotional Purity, Enmeshment, Father Worship, Femininity vs Feminism, Fundamentalism, Gender Equality, Homemaking Skills, Homeschool, Honoring Parents, Hospitality, Instant, Joyous, Obedience, Isolation, Issues, J.O.Y (Self Denial), Jurisdictions, Legalism, Maintaining Appearances, Manipulation, Mega-Families, Mother's Helper, NLQ Stories, Parentification of Children, Patriarchy, Perfectionism, Personal Autonomy, Psalm 127 / Quiverfull: Be Fruitful & Multiply, Purity, Quiverfull Counterculture, Quiverfull Discernment, Quiverfull Leaders, Quiverfull Ministries, Quiverfull Topics, Self-Abnegation / Martydom, Self-Preservation Factor, Separation - Individuation, Sheltering Children, Shunning, Sibling Relationships, Socialization, Spiritual Issues, Stay At Home Daughters (SAHDs), Submission, The "Rod", The 49 Character Qualities of Ruth, Umbrella of Authority Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

The 49 Character Qualities of Ruth #17: The Begining of the Relationship That Ended It All

September 8, 2010 By

Note from Ruth: A few weeks after my last “life story” installment, I got e-mails from someone at IBLP and a rep from Gothard asking me to stop using the character traits as lead-ins to my story. Since I don’t know how I would stand legally, I’ll honor the request and not re-post the traits. I will, however, keep telling my story and if one of the character lessons is directly related to the story, I feel justified in posting it as background.

by RazingRuth

As I’ve said before, my family did a lot of fellowship with other IBLP/ATI/QF families. Our house was a convenient rest stop for families travelling to and from sessions, conventions, and other gatherings. While our house wasn’t terribly large, it did have a large yard and land enough to park trailers/buses/motorhomes or a fleet of vans (the general vehicle of choice for QF families).

One afternoon, as we were cleaning in preparation for yet another gathering, my dad asked to speak to me. He handed me a rake and asked me to help him level a spot under a tree for the Carson’s* trailer. (NOTE* – I’ve obviously changed names here.) He explained that the Carson’s were good friends of his (even though I’d only met them a handful of times and couldn’t recall any special relationship). My dad veered off into the unexpected when he started asking me questions about my future. Dad asked if I had been praying for my future husband or if I had thought about “seriously preparing (myself) for marriage?” I don’t remember what my external response to him was but I do remember thinking that I was uncomfortable with the way this conversation was going. After we’d cleared the spot, dad and I got in the cart to go back to the shed and he laid his hand on mine. He said that he’d been praying about my future husband and had received some guidance from the Lord. The Lord had guided him to the Carson family.

Filed Under: 49 Character Qualities, A Woman's Choice, Abstinence, Advance Training Institute (ATI) / Institution for Basic Life Principles (IBLP) (Bill Gothard), Alienation, Beautiful Girlhood, Biblical Chastisement, Biblical Manhood & Womanhood, Bill Gothard, Blanket Training, Boundaries, Bounded Choice, Buddy System, Child Abuse, Child Labor, Child Training, Chores, Chores, Chores!, Christian Modesty, College for Daughters, Courtship / Betrothal, Defrauding, Educational Neglect, Elitism, Emotional Purity, Enmeshment, Father Worship, Femininity vs Feminism, Fundamentalism, Gender Equality, Homemaking Skills, Homeschool, Honoring Parents, Hospitality, Instant, Joyous, Obedience, Isolation, Issues, J.O.Y (Self Denial), Jurisdictions, Legalism, Maintaining Appearances, Manipulation, Mega-Families, Mother's Helper, NLQ Stories, Parentification of Children, Patriarchy, Perfectionism, Personal Autonomy, Psalm 127 / Quiverfull: Be Fruitful & Multiply, Purity, Quiverfull Counterculture, Quiverfull Discernment, Quiverfull Leaders, Quiverfull Ministries, Quiverfull Topics, Self-Abnegation / Martydom, Self-Preservation Factor, Separation - Individuation, Sheltering Children, Shunning, Sibling Relationships, Socialization, Spiritual Issues, Stay At Home Daughters (SAHDs), Submission, The "Rod", The 49 Character Qualities of Ruth, Umbrella of Authority Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Debt-Free Duggars ~ Pt. 1: How Quiverfull Couples Support All Those Kids!

August 27, 2010 By 41 Comments

by Hopewell

The Duggar Income Stream [minus TLC]

Before TLC and their reality TV show offer came on the scene, Jim-Bob and Michelle Duggar were already on their way to financial security—a situation not normally found in homes with no college-educated adult. But, like the people profiled in the book the Millionaire Next Door, Jim-Bob and Michelle have always lived BELOW their means and have always had common sense about purchases.

They also share a vision for the type of family life they wanted to lead. While Jim-Bob did hold a job, and a mortgage, at the time they married he soon realized this was not a sensible way to live. His love of buying cars, fixing them up himself, and reselling them for a profit was the first step to a secure future. Although he acknowledges that the used car business is not looked on with much respect, he decided to set up a car lot and run it in a Christian manner. Soon he was making enough off used cars to quit his day job. Eventually, they rented out the mortgaged house and moved into a tiny house on the car lot to increase their income. Along the way, he made a few good decisions [and a few bad ones]. (Duggar, chapters 1 & 2 and “17 Kids and Counting: Cheaper by the Duggars”).

One good decision was to buy a tow truck. While the first model he bought wasn’t worth the money, unlike many college-grads he knew enough about cars and other equipment to buy the towing equipment and winch off another tow truck, hold on to it, save up for a truck to put it on and eventually he had an excellent tow truck and no loan. The towing business grew fast and he had to hire help. Finally the collateral supplied by the car lot inventory, a bent for strong and creative negotiations and the savings from their income allowed the Duggars to enter the true source of their security: REAL ESTATE. (Duggar, chapters 2 & 3).

Jim-Bob’s parents were in real estate and soon Jim-Bob and Michelle also got realtors licenses. Jim-Bob discovered he had an eye for investment properties and the stomach for deal making. After saving up $65,000 to pay cash for the home they would still be living in when they filmed their first TV special, the Duggars went on to make several profitable real estate deals. One deal, which cost about the same amount as the house, netted them a profit of nearly $200,000 after Jim-Bob put in a few hours on a backhoe clearing the site. They also bought a 20-acre parcel of land with an old chicken hatchery on it. They converted the building into commercial rental space and used part of the land for their dream home. The rent collected from the rental properties was their main income for several years. In their show (“17 Kids and Counting: Cheaper by the Duggars”) he shows viewers the property he owns and leases to a cell phone company for their transmission tower. In addition to the real estate deals, Jim-Bob often buys and sells other items. While building their home, he acquired and resold a bucket-lift truck and a scissor-lift among other equipment (Duggars 20 and Counting and elsewhere).

Jim-Bob figured out how to efficiently provide for his family by being observant, staying debt-free and having assets that could be quickly liquefied to provide cash for new ventures and by using all his negotiating skills to get great deals when he did buy big ticket items. Without a high-paying white collar profession, Jim-Bob would have been routinely away from his family for 80 or more hours a week to try to earn the income they needed. Instead, he found a way to provide a level of income for the family God would send him and still be at home to help with that family as much as possible.

Filed Under: 20 and Counting by JimBob & Michelle Duggar, Above Rubies (Nancy Campbell), Advance Training Institute (ATI) / Institution for Basic Life Principles (IBLP) (Bill Gothard), Be Fruitful & Multiply / God's Vision for Families by Nancy Campbell, Biblical Manhood & Womanhood, Bill Gothard, Botkin Syndrome, Child Training, Debt-Free Living, Father-Daughter Purity Balls, Geoffrey Botkin, Gil & Kelly Bates, Home Church, Homeschool, Hopewell's Posts, Hospitality, Hot Topics, Jennie Chancey, JimBob & Michelle Duggar, Josh & Anna Duggar, Marketing "Biblical Family Values", Mega-Families, Nancy Campbell, NLQ Miscellany, Passionate Housewives Desperate for God by Jenny Chancey & Stacy McDonald, Patriarchy, Quiverfull Counterculture, Quiverfull Leaders, Quiverfull Ministries, Quiverfull Topics, So Much More by Anna Sophia & Elizabeth Botkin, Stay At Home Daughters (SAHDs), Wholesome Wear Swimsuits Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , 41 Comments