The (Polished) Lives of Others

by Broken DaughtersI remember dreaming about life the way I had seen it in those P/QF books and magazines and occasional home making blogs. It’s funny because it was never that way at our house. But I always thought that one day, I would live one of those beautiful lives.I’d have a pantry filled with homemade juices and marmalade and sauces and relishes. I’d have a beautiful, antique and yet modern kitchen. I’d have a great view from my kitchen windows, and I’d wear a beautiful apron. I’d be… hm. One of those fairytale housewives, I guess.My life would be quiet, relaxed. I’d be busy decorating a beautiful home, not really worrying about money and how to get by. My husband would be … [Read more...]

A Family’s a Family No Matter How Non-Traditional

by Vyckie GarrisonWhile in Minneapolis this week, I went out for dinner with Joe Sands (Incongruous Circumspection) and his wife, Kristine Sands. It was a true pleasure to hang out with this fun couple - I ♥ awesome people. Yay! (✿◠‿◠)Also, while in Minneapolis, I had the privilege to spend most of a day with Melissa (Permission To Live) and her spouse, Haley.Having never personally known any transgender people, I will admit to being quite curious to meet Haley in person - and now that I know her, all I can say is, Wow - she rocks! What a delight to spend time in the company of an energetic, super smart, and truly happy, beautiful woman.If you have not read the story of … [Read more...]

Millipede Part 17

by MillipedeThis time around it was different on the surface at least. My husband was trying a kinder and gentler approach to his faith. Rather than trying to make his wife follow behind him in the old Patriarchy Parade, my husband was content to go to church by himself. He did encourage me to go and on the infrequent occasions that I did, he would make a point of being considerate of me.Even so, I did not make plans to attend on a regular basis, even with my husband willing to leave when I was ready, it was usually about three in the afternoon when we left church. Given that it took over an hour to get there, the day was mostly over when we got home. Also, this pastor believed that … [Read more...]

Millipede Part 15

by MillipedeI watched in the oncoming month as my husband's church world came apart. Everything carried a taint of the break; sermons where a new point of view was explained, the fellowship afterwards that was a shadow of its former self. I watched as my husband hung back while our pastor conversed with the other families, the passing hours no longer found found my husband in a tight circle of men fervently talking theology. With the spell of close friendship broken, my husband started leaving early, sometimes within the hour after service.I felt sorry for him, it's sad to see someone's dream crash about them. On the other hand.....I couldn't wait to get out the door. Years of … [Read more...]

Millipede: Part 14

by MillipedeThere in some ways like that of the old church, but with a new twist all elders had to live within a certain distance of the town in which the new church was located. I think that it was 20 miles or something. It was along the lines of the members being close knit, of fellowshipping through the weekAs a side note- this was not like a cult, our pastor (I hate to use the same term over and over) for all his patriarchy, was not into hardcore control over the congregation. In the past, he was not the type to kick people out over arbitrary stuff. In fact, he really tried to avoid strife within the church. Although he believed in church authority he was not a very controlling … [Read more...]

Who Was That Masked Man: Part 9

by CaluluHigh school graduation loomed for Tom's oldest non-disabled kid, a son that's as bright as they come. The son has always been in the gifted and talented program at the local schools and was eligible for a few different college scholarships. The problem was that except for the small scholarship money there was no other funds for college. the scholarships were about enough to pay Tom Jr.'s tuition at community college but not enough to pay for books, a car, and gas back and forth much less pay for room, board and tuition at one of Virginia's four year universities.How do I know that? Because Hubby was the recipient of a late night drunken call from Tom, a call out of the blue. … [Read more...]

Millipede: Part 5

by Millipede Peevish men, wives who watched every word and worse they really embraced the submission beliefs. The wives would gripe very rarely about their husbands and the work and if they did they were sure to say that they weren't in disagreement with the system, ,merely letting off a little steam.The women were just as much true believers. This isn't as I first thought/hoped in that Patriarchy can be a humane system for women. Instead I realized that there will always be those who for varying reasons, become ardent followers of movements which harm them. There are women who will accept or even come to love degradation if it comes approval and "love". Look at people in … [Read more...]

Who Was That Masked Man? Part 4

by Calulu When we last left this story every couple in our little circle of friends from church had been exposed as having at least one cheater.  Things don't get any better~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Months pass , everything, everyone continues in a warped state of stalemate. Tom has been dumped by Alice but doesn't come home to Tina. He moves on to a series of girlfriends picked up in karaoke bars after he starts spending all his night time hours at karaoke. He starts drinking heavily before moving on to smoking reefer. All the while singing really bad songs from the early and mid 60s every night at the local karaoke bars.Tina serenely states that he will come … [Read more...]

Millipede: Part 4

by MillipedeAlthough the "dress code" was the most glaring example of our changing mindset.There were other changes which were just as bad if not worse in the long run.My husband started to implement "order in the home". Although not as extreme as the other men, he considered himself the head of the household. Sure, I could argue, but if he stuck to his guns on something, I was expected to follow. I could be stubborn, but there were plenty of things that I gave way. Dressing in skirts out in public wasn't the only one. Staying at home, I let him control the finances. Sure, I could give advice, nag and so on, but in the end, he decided all things. A lot of things happened that in … [Read more...]

Who Was That Masked Man? Part 3

by CaluluWhen we last left everyone Tom was in and out of his home with Tina. Tina was determined to wait out his infidelity and we were trying to rally around Tina since she was disabled and alone. Things are about to get beyond strange, with the ripples affecting a number of families at church.During this super awkward time frame Hubby and I start getting regular visits from Alice, Sam and their six kids. The visits go like this. We get a call or they just show up at dinner time and announce that they have no food at the house and no money.The visits created stress because obviously we couldn't be around or have over the Smiths at the same time. So it felt like the worlds … [Read more...]