Recognizing Pervasive, Poisonous Power in Marriage

by Virginia Knowles cross posted from her blog Watch The Shepherd “There are two kinds of power. One kills the spirit. The other nourishes the spirit. The first is Power Over. The other is Personal Power. Power Over shows up as control and dominance. Personal Power shows up as mutuality and co-creation. Mutuality is a way of being with a person which promotes the growth and well-being of one's self and the other person by means of clear communication and empathetic understanding. Co-creation is a consciously shared participation in life which helps one reach one's goals.” … [Read more...]

Answering ‘Preparing To Be A Help Meet’ – Biblical Divorce Because Of Abuse?

Another installment of giving better answers to the questions asked at Debi Pearl’s site message board for the book ‘Preparing To Be A Help Meet’. Many young ladies ask questions on all sorts of different subjects brought up by the book. There was just one big problem, many of the answers stray into either the outright bad and emotionally unhealthy to dangerous. Yes, typical Debi Pearl borderline abusive. Here’s what we’re going to be doing here at NLQ. Every week, once or twice a week, I’ll be posting up one of the questions from the message board and ask you, our readers, to answer that poor soul’s question in a way that is logical,  rational and the best possible solution, in other words 1 … [Read more...]

Bonding and Bondage in Abusive Relationships

by Virginia Knowles cross posted from her blog Watch the ShepherdIn case you're wondering why you can't "just get over it" from a painfully abusive or damaging or destructive relationship: Trauma bonding makes any relationship harder to end, harder to heal, harder to find freedom from through forgiveness, than the loss of a true love. The neural pathways burned into a brain in trauma bonding are laid down in powerful fear/anxiety hormonal rushes leaving even comparatively good memories with the person colored with the stains of those traumatic events. The loss of anyone we have loved -- whether they have treated us very well indeed or in a deplorable manner -- is something that will heal … [Read more...]

What To Do About Toxic Power In Marriage

by Virginia Knowles cross posted from her blog Watch The ShepherdDear friends,What can a woman do if she realizes that she is in a controlling, manipulative, intimidating, verbally aggressive, and/or physically violent marriage?Two months ago I wrote a post called Recognizing Pervasive, Poisonous Power in Marriage which gave an analysis of the problem. I based it on concepts found in The Verbally Abusive Relationship by Patricia Evans. At the end, I promised a follow up post with suggestions on what she can do. … [Read more...]

Quoting Quiverfull: Part 1 – Listening To Your Wife?

by Michael Pearl from No Greater Joy - I Need Her Counsel and JudgementEditor's note: A fascinating look into the abusive nature of the Pearl marriage where Michael admits he needs Debi's ideas. He thought that her having ideas contrary to his was was her 'getting out of her place'. … [Read more...]

Quoting Quiverfull: Women Need Micro-Managing From Their Husbands?

by Cane Caldo from Things that We have Heard and Known - Cold Service is the Revenge Dish of VanityEditor's note: Remember that disgraceful guy who had all the photos of scantly clad teenagers at his site Is This Modest? - Minthegap / Adam Gregorian? If you recall he had a pile of Mens Rights buddies we quoted, some of whom have done like Gregorian did to his almost porn Modesty site and pulled down their blogs after being confronted. Here's some of the most disgusting misogyny from a man in the church we've seen in a long time. He makes Michael Pearl seem gentle. Trigger warning if you go to his blog, this posting is all about denigrating a woman in distress who is trying to work … [Read more...]

Quoting Quiverfull: Part 2 – Don’t Leave Abusive Husband Ever?

by Michael Pearl from No Greater Joy - Abusive HusbandEditor's note: Today Michael adds his thoughts on abuse and leaving. Not any better than his wife's unfortunately. Trigger warning: This might make you sick to your stomach. Don't say I didn't warn you.  This type of advice is harmful to implement in an abusive marriage and is likely to encourage additional abuse. … [Read more...]

Quoting Quiverfull: Stay in Abusive Marriage?

by Mary Pride from The Way Home as published on Homeschoolers Anonymous - Mary Pride: Don't Divorce Your Drunk, Raging HusbandEditors note: R.L. Stollar is reading this book so you don't have to. It was the original call to women to return home from the workplace to be full time wives and mothers and embrace the theology of Quiverfull before Quiverfull even had a name. … [Read more...]

“Real Marriage” Review: 65 – 85, ‘The Respectful Wife’

by Samantha Field cross posted from her blog Defeating the Dragons With a chapter title like that, you just know how much I loved it. I probably should have expected this chapter to be more infuriating than the one devoted to men, but I didn’t. My marginalia has a lot more “WTF” and “BS” (which stands for both bullshitand benevolent sexism; nice how that one worked out) than the last chapter did– and I wish I could talk about a lot more than I have the space for. … [Read more...]

Quoting Quiverfull: The Ray Rice NFL Scandal Is A Good Opportunity To ‘Spread The Gospel’?

by Voddie Baucham from his Facebook statusesFor those of you who don't follow the news or football or NFL let's summarize this: Ray Rice, running back for the Baltimore Ravens NFL team, beat his then fiancee and was suspended for a couple of games until the website TMZ posted the video of the incident. In the video Rice hits his fiancee so hard she's knocked unconscious in a hotel elevator before he drags her out of frame. After the NFL was chided for their slap on the wrist of Rice they then suspended him indefinitely and the Baltimore Ravens team cut him from their team. … [Read more...]