Differentiating Between ‘Cult’, ‘Cultic’ and ‘Spiritual Abuse’

Undermuchgrace

by Cindy Kunsman cross posted from Under Much GraceWhat is the difference between "cult" and "cultic?" (Sociologically Speaking) It’s a matter of degree. Defining terms is vital.Concerning things "cultic" versus a "cult." If you’re the average guy (or gal) sitting in a church or a concerned significant other of someone in a group, the first thing you generally notice is that something bothers you about the group. This realization is true of any subtle deception or of insidious problems such as something wrong with your car. You hear an unfamiliar noise and the right side of your brain become sensitized and unconsiously starts putting things together (as a built in defense mechanism). … [Read more...]

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Why Couples Counseling Is Not Recommended For Abusive Marriages – Even Christian Ones

Watchtheshepherd

by Virginia Knowles cross posted from her blog Watch The ShepherdDear friends,A friend posted the following quote on her Facebook status, noting that she found it here: The Abuser in Couples Therapy. … [Read more...]

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Covert Operations

WhenChurchHurts

by Ellen cross posted from her blog When Church HurtsMy friend quixie over at quixoticfaith posted an excellent video about covert narcissists. I have been told that I shouldn’t call my former pastor a narcissist because he isn’t an overt tyrant as many definitions indicate.  The video you can watch from quixie’s blog post is an excellent description of a “covert” narcissist and aptly describes much of what I observed in my experience with spiritual abuse.  Thank you, Quixie, for your post and video! Perhaps the most important section of the video is at the end when he discusses the effect on the victim.  I have written posts about how my self-confidence, my faith, my physical health, a … [Read more...]

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Helpful Links For Recovering From Abuse

nolongerquivering

One of the things that has happened in the wake of Josh Duggar's sexual molestation coming to light has been that both NLQ Founder Vyckie Garrison and myself have started to discuss what is the best response, in what way can NLQ help those that have suffered from similar things, to promote healing and wholeness. One thing we came up with was a list of different types of organizations and people who offer help or information. This is our list. … [Read more...]

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Announcement: The Hotline Project of Recovery From Religion

Image from Recovery From Religion used with permission

NLQ friend and partner site Recovery From Religion is launching their long anticipated Hotline. The Hotline Project will be available 24 hours a day for those struggling with the emotional turmoil of leaving their faith. Here's what Recovery From Religion  has to say on their site about the project: … [Read more...]

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Self Esteem, Self Efficacy and the Locus of Control

Image from Under Much Grace - Cindy Kunsman

by Cindy Kunsman cross posted from her blog Under Much GraceEditor's note: This was written in response to some of the discussion over Cynthia Jeub's blog posts. That is not why I am sharing it here. This is something that everyone in recovery from spiritual abuse or religious trauma syndrome could benefit from watching and thinking about the issues brought forth.Religious lifestyles that demand a great deal of conformity can create a lot of relationship tension as children venture into adulthood as those adult children begin to make their own choices about life and belief.  If there is too much reliance on the identity of the family of origin or if the family demands the adult to … [Read more...]

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If You Are a Survivor You Might Need This Some Day; The List

sexualassaulted

by Nora Woodhouse cross posted from her blog A Heart Like MineThere comes a day when all the careful considerations you have made as to why you know that you were really and truly sexually abused get assaulted. … [Read more...]

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So I’ve Been Spiritually Abused, What Next?: The Narcissistic Pastor – How to Recognize a Spiritual Abuser

Chances are any pastor that is a Narcissist is actually whoring out parts of his personality/life

from the website An Irenicon - The Narcissistic PastorSo what does the narcissistic pastor look like?  I’m a humble person, so I’ll merely recount the characteristics of narcissism as identified by Sam Vaknin (himself diagnosed with Narcissistic Personality Disorder). His thoughts are in bold. Like I said I’m too humble to know any of this firsthand. Having worked, lived, confided for, and studied with many pastors, however, I know that it touches our profession intimately. Comments following the boldface reflect my actual experiences working in the church. … [Read more...]

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So I’ve Been Spiritually Abused, What Next? – Dysfunctional Personalities

Children of Alcoholics

by Suzanne TitkemeyerI found this list of what the likely personality flaws children of alcoholics develop and it struck me that the list isn't just about alcoholism. It could apply to many different types of dysfunction, people raised in extreme religion, with toxic parents, workaholics, drug addicts, whatever. It works for a laundry list of dysfunction. … [Read more...]

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So I’ve Been Spiritually Abused, What Next? – What Healthy Belief in God is Not

nowwhat

From Post-Traumatic Church Syndrome's Facebook pageHere are five quick and easy ways to determine if what you’re hearing really has anything to do with God:If it produces fear, it doesn’t. If it is self-diminishing, it doesn’t. If it motivates hate, it doesn’t.If it produces shame, it doesn’t.If it robs you of freedom, it doesn’t.Any belief in God cannot be true if it promotes... … [Read more...]

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