Guilt and Shame: Not the Same

by Cindy Foster cross posted from her blog Finding Fundamental This short piece was posted by someone from the ‘Unfundamentalist Christians facebook page and appeared on my wall.     The truths expressed are so profound, I wanted to preserve them here since they so eloquently differentiate these two ideas commonly, mistakenly, treated as synonyms. … [Read more...]

Elie Wiesel Would Have Been Disappointed in You

by Ellen cross posted from her blog When Church HurtsI haven’t posted in awhile.  But the death of Elie Wiesel brought to mind this quote the spirit of which has always been at the forefront of my thoughts on my experience with spiritual abuse.“We must always take sides. Neutrality helps the oppressor, never the victim. Silence encourages the tormentor, never the tormented.” – Elie Wiesel … [Read more...]

Daffodils Along the Way of the Higher Path

by Cindy Kunsman cross posted from her blog Under Much GraceAll images by Cindy Kunsman and Under Much Grace used with permissionThrough daffodils forgotten and found and reclaimed in my recent meltdown, perhaps those reading here can catch a glimpse of how healing from trauma can unfold. In the writing of this, I am almost amused by how spontaneously the whole concept bubbles up in me. I spent many years wondering whether I ever even know joy because it seemed that I'd forgotten because trauma alienated me from the memories of it. I couldn't find it no matter how hard I tried.Having already defined my dilemma of moving through the Third Stage of healing in the last post, I … [Read more...]

Gothard and Williams Draw their Cultic Hatred of Dinah from the Hebrew Midrash

by Cindy Kunsman cross posted from the blog Redeeming DinahAll images by Cindy Kunsman from Redeeming Dinah and used with permission. When I became involved in a church that followed the teachings of Bill Gothard, and as I spent more time with my same-aged peers who were involved in the Evangelical Christian homeschooling movement, I was surprised by the way they characterized certain women in the Bible. The teachings of many ministers within Independent Fundamental Baptist (IFB) church does not differ from what I heard – which all stems back to Gothard. … [Read more...]

Daffodil Season Ends but Recovery Continues

by Cindy Kunsman cross posted from her blog Under Much GraceAll images by Cindy Kunsman from Under Much Grace and used with permission. More than a month ago, I learned about some cruel gossip that's being spread about me and it triggered a host of complicated hurdles for me. The questions of others sent me back to revisit my history of hopping around through some truly fringe varieties of cultic Christianity, but I also found myself more affected by the deep personal losses that are all wrapped around that history, too. … [Read more...]

What Are You Doing? Chapter 3 – Girls Just Wanna Have Sex

by Suzanne TitkemeyerGentlemen start your engines and let the slut-shaming commence! It's an all slut-shaming inappropriate conversations with odd guys in the park extravaganza!The title of this chapter is 'The Importance of Boyfriends' and as the chapter unfolds Von makes it sound as if boyfriends were the newest trendy accessory, like a Fendi bag or a pair of Christian Louboutin shoes with the bright red soles or a French tip mani/pedi. Not that author Vaughn Ohlman is familiar with the must haves, unless it's the must have items in fundamentalism, a crisp KJV Bible, an ironed floor length skirt and a pack of 'ministry mints' Altoids in your pocket just in case you have to do an … [Read more...]

Daring Greatly

by Ellen cross posted from her blog When Church Hurts“Daring Greatly” by Brene Brown.  I am reading this book because it’s kind of a prerequisite for a workshop that my husband and I are going to attend in a couple of weeks called “The Daring Way” and it is based on the work of Brene Brown.I’m fascinated by this book.It’s a book about living vulnerably. … [Read more...]

Daffodils of Integration: First Promise of Joy Through Recovery

by Cindy Kunsman cross posted from her blog Under Much Grace James Taylor's melancholy Fire and Rain which laments the unexpected loss of a friend, and I now think of the loss of integration of trauma when I hear him sing “sweet dreams and flying machines in pieces on the ground.”In a way, that is what trauma does to us. Our dreams break apart, perhaps because they weren't very realistic but sometimes because we don't have time to realize them because we're so busy trying to figure out how to put ourselves back together. Sometimes, we just can't recover all that we've lost. Sometimes, we lose our ability to fly because the pieces lay on the ground, smashed and broken because of what hap … [Read more...]

A New Springtime: Daffodils Reclaimed (A glimpse into Stage Three recovery)

by Cindy Kunsman cross posted from her blog Under Much GraceAll images by Cindy Kunsman from Under Much Grace and used with permission I wonder what I thought when I was old enough to find those scattered daffodils in the woods behind my parents' house. I must have been quite young, for in my mind, I seem to have always known that they were there. … [Read more...]

Answering ‘Preparing To Be A Help Meet’ – Sibling Relations?

Another installment of giving better answers to the questions asked at Debi Pearl’s site message board for the book ‘Preparing To Be A Help Meet’. Many young ladies ask questions on all sorts of different subjects brought up by the book. There was just one big problem, many of the answers stray into either the outright bad and emotionally unhealthy to dangerous. Yes, typical Debi Pearl borderline abusive. Here’s what we’re going to be doing here at NLQ. Every week, once or twice a week, I’ll be posting up one of the questions from the message board and ask you, our readers, to answer that poor soul’s question in a way that is logical,  rational and the best possible solution, in other words 1 … [Read more...]