Strategic Wisdom, Cognitive Bias and Poker

by Cindy Kunsman cross posted from her blog Under Much GraceAll images by Cindy Kunsman and Under Much Grace used with permission.Just a reminder that the purpose of this discussion aims at stimulating thought and self awareness as tools to help those in recovery from trauma learn how to make safer choices. To make the discussion more jocular, we've defined Cognitive Biases as “CranioRectal Inversions” (CRI). … [Read more...]

Why My Common Cognitive Biases Make Me Lousy at Poker

by Cindy Kunsman cross posted from her blog Under Much GraceAll images by Cindy Kunsman and Under Much Grace are used with permission. Just a reminder that the purpose of this discussion aims at stimulating thought and self awareness as tools to help those in recovery from trauma learn how to make safer choices. To make the discussion more jocular, we've defined Cognitive Biases as “CranioRectal Inversions” (CRI).As I walked through this past year (recapped here), I recognized the familiar sense of panic that I felt during my last year in my spiritually abusive (cultic) church. A number of years ago, I'd become involved with a new group of people that aspired to achieve some ide … [Read more...]

Wishful Thinking and Jello

by Cindy Kunsman cross posted from her blog Under Much GraceImages by Cindy Kunsman from Under Much Grace and used with permission. This is another article in the Cindy's Cognitive Biases series. I remember when I was head over heels (sometimes literally) in that Toronto Blessing Movement in Word of Faith, I could feel the disappointment coming. I was probably about ten pounds overweight at the time, and I went on an extended fast. I stopped checking my weight when I was three weeks in, and I'd dropped about 35 pounds. I continued to fast until I “believed” I'd achieved what I'd set out to overcome, but I didn't weigh myself again. I do remember when my weight shot about 35 pounds ahead … [Read more...]

Discussing Toxic Patriarchy and Spiritual Abuse

by Cindy Kunsmans cross posted from her blog Under Much GraceOriginally published in 2010 and titled 'To New or Disgruntled Readers'For people who visit here for the first time and find themselves a bit “challenged,” I would like to address some of the common problems that people tend to have with the nature of the material that I post here. (I call it the "Gadfly Effect," something echoing the "Gadfly of Athens" title attributed to Socrates because he asked pesky questions that no one wanted to think about.) … [Read more...]

Part 2 – Living Happily in ‘Plan B’

by Cindy Foster cross posted from her blog Finding FundamentalYou can find Part 1 here. ‘Plan A’ became the sum total of our utmost hopes and dreams for our children as pertaining more to their ‘Godliness’ than anything else. We assumed that ‘Godliness’ was the main ingredient to guarantee success in all their practical endeavors as well. … [Read more...]

The Letter

by Ellen cross posted from her blog When Church HurtsEditor's note: The Letter was written several years ago and is an excellent example of how we feel post church after being abused.It’s been about a year now.  A year since I went to counseling.  I only had a handful of sessions.  You’ll read about that in parts 3 and 4 of my story which I plan to make public within the next few days.  One of the last things my counselor suggested was that I write my then-pastor a letter – not to be sent, of course, because, well, it wouldn’t have mattered.  But just to tell him all of the things that I wanted to say but couldn’t because he wouldn’t meet with me.  This letter captures the essence of … [Read more...]

What Christian Leaders Tell the Sexually Abused

by Cindy Kunsman cross posted from her blog Redeeming DinahAll images by Cindy Kunsman from Redeeming Dinah and used with permission. This is a summary of some of the teachings of prominent Christian leaders on sexual abuse that Cindy has used in her presentations on abuse. It is a compilation more than an article. … [Read more...]

Celebrate Yourself! Part 2

by AJ cross posted from her blog I Am Phoenix I love music. I play the piano and just started learning to play guitar. Animals. I am drawn towards them. I feel more comfortable around them than I do around most people. I feel like I am grounded around them, and I draw energy and peace from being around them. I like to think that I bounce that energy and those good vibes back to them. I was holding my nephew's bunny Alfie the other night. I was at a dinner party and I was on the verge of passing out and feeling sick. But if I concentrated on Alfie, I could re-center myself and not go as deep into a crash as I otherwise would have.  Alfie's nose just kept wiggling and his whiskers kept time wi … [Read more...]

Celebrate Yourself! Part 1

by AJ cross posted from her blog I Am Phoenix So I have been comparing my old beliefs and new beliefs a good bit lately.  I guess there was one old and new habit that I haven't explored much yet. Maybe I haven't explored it because I haven't settled comfortably into the new habit even as of now? … [Read more...]

The Cold Never Bothered Me Anyway

by Ellen cross posted from her blog When Church HurtsJust as in “Frozen,” my “shame” was in being “found out.”Not that I was really hiding anything.  Because if what happened to me – the condemnation, ostracism, shunning – if all of that was appropriate, then why would it need to be hidden?  The simple fact that I was told from the beginning that I was not to talk about it smacks of “what we are doing here is NOT appropriate.” … [Read more...]