In the Midst of It?

by Ellen cross posted from her blog When Church HurtsSpiritual abuse.  Sometimes, even when you know you are being victimized, it’s hard to break away, or walk away, or run away.  If you’ve found yourself here because you know what you are experiencing is spiritual abuse but you are caught and can’t let go, this page is for you. … [Read more...]

Safety, Ambiguity, Expectation and Balance

by Cindy Kunsman cross posted from her blog Under Much GraceThis is part of a series Cindy Kunsman has been writing on recovery from spiritual abuse and trauma. All images by Cindy Kunsman of Under Much Grace and used with permission. As a child, in an effort to comfort me, an elderly woman at my church would encourage me to read what the Apostle Paul wrote to the Church at Philippi. Basically, he says that he learned how to be contented with whatever situation he faced. One of the primary ways of coping with bad situations, according to what he wrote, involves thinking about good things as opposed to dwelling on the bad ones. … [Read more...]

Back to Stage One Healing: More on Safety and Stabilization

by Cindy Kunsman cross posted from her blog from Under Much GraceAll images by Cindy Kunsman and from Under Much Grace used with permission. Article 3 pages total.It's been quite a month, and life is settling back into something like normal. Redeeming Dinah, the blog exploring the Duggar Phenomenon as a function of the family agenda promoted among many Independent Fundamental Baptists is up and running. It's been a month since the panel where survivors of the system talked about their experiences. Afterwards, I returned home from Dallas to be met with a couple of deaths of loved ones, some injuries, and the sadness that goes along with them. The dog days of summer do not make … [Read more...]

Pages: 1 2 3

For New-Found Victims

by Ellen cross posted from her blog When Church HurtsEditor's note: Ellen is speaking directly to new readers at her blog, but the same words apply here as well. Welcome to new readers here who've been spiritually abused, victimized by religion and are discovering that they are not the only ones.Welcome.Perhaps you found this blog because are just realizing that what you or someone you know is experiencing is “just not right.”  There are many websites and blogs that have information on spiritual abuse.  Some are very comprehensive and detailed … [Read more...]

My Healing Continues

by Living Liminal cross posted from her blog Living LiminalIn recent years, I've become accustomed to certain people pretending that I don't exist. If I won't shut up and go away or roll over and play dead, the only option left, apparently, is for them to refuse to acknowledge my existence.There was a time when it used to upset me. Eventually, I got to a place where it mostly amused me. … [Read more...]

16 Years After Finding Me After Baptist Taliban-istic Fundamentalism

by Cindy Foster cross posted from her blog Finding FundamentalAs of June 28th, we have celebrated 16 years outside the Bible-based cult church I formerly referred to as “The Baptist Taliban.”Although the exodus was traumatic, the effects lasting and the damages permanent, I have never regretted leaving.  Not even for one moment.Sixteen years. It’s a long time.  Years of days and nights-- much time spent chiseling out my own personal beliefs from the mountain-sized, rock-solid, … [Read more...]

Guilt and Shame: Not the Same

by Cindy Foster cross posted from her blog Finding Fundamental This short piece was posted by someone from the ‘Unfundamentalist Christians facebook page and appeared on my wall.     The truths expressed are so profound, I wanted to preserve them here since they so eloquently differentiate these two ideas commonly, mistakenly, treated as synonyms. … [Read more...]

Elie Wiesel Would Have Been Disappointed in You

by Ellen cross posted from her blog When Church HurtsI haven’t posted in awhile.  But the death of Elie Wiesel brought to mind this quote the spirit of which has always been at the forefront of my thoughts on my experience with spiritual abuse.“We must always take sides. Neutrality helps the oppressor, never the victim. Silence encourages the tormentor, never the tormented.” – Elie Wiesel … [Read more...]

Help! I am a Believer, but my Husband is Not

by Bruce Gerencser cross posted from his blog The Life and Times of Bruce GerencserEditor's note: Reposting this piece because I believe it's valuable advice for many leaving Quiverfull as well. My mailbox regularly fills up with more emails that I can possibly answer from people wanting to know how to help a brother/husband/daughter/son/cousin who is stuck in a toxic religious environment or from someone trying to hang onto their faith as they are leaving a toxic church. I think much of Bruce's advice here could be useful for many situations.Recently, a new reader sent me several questions she would like me to answer. Her questions and my answers follow. … [Read more...]

Daffodils Along the Way of the Higher Path

by Cindy Kunsman cross posted from her blog Under Much GraceAll images by Cindy Kunsman and Under Much Grace used with permissionThrough daffodils forgotten and found and reclaimed in my recent meltdown, perhaps those reading here can catch a glimpse of how healing from trauma can unfold. In the writing of this, I am almost amused by how spontaneously the whole concept bubbles up in me. I spent many years wondering whether I ever even know joy because it seemed that I'd forgotten because trauma alienated me from the memories of it. I couldn't find it no matter how hard I tried.Having already defined my dilemma of moving through the Third Stage of healing in the last post, I … [Read more...]