Answering ‘Preparing To Be A Help Meet’ – Sibling Relations?

Another installment of giving better answers to the questions asked at Debi Pearl’s site message board for the book ‘Preparing To Be A Help Meet’. Many young ladies ask questions on all sorts of different subjects brought up by the book. There was just one big problem, many of the answers stray into either the outright bad and emotionally unhealthy to dangerous. Yes, typical Debi Pearl borderline abusive. Here’s what we’re going to be doing here at NLQ. Every week, once or twice a week, I’ll be posting up one of the questions from the message board and ask you, our readers, to answer that poor soul’s question in a way that is logical,  rational and the best possible solution, in other words 1 … [Read more...]

Daffodils Grieved in Recovery

by Cindy Kunsman cross posted from her blog Under Much GraceAll images by Cindy Kunsman from Under Much Grace and used with permission After the first stage of recovery where we find safety and stability (things we sometimes must learn about for the first time), we find ourselves in a place of revisiting trauma to see it for what it is. … [Read more...]

10 Red Flags About Christian Celebrities and Ministries

Taken from the comments and written by one of NLQ's commenters Abigail Smith on Samantha Field's The Smell Test: 5 Signs of a Toxic ChurchI formulated these “10 Red Flags” about “Christian" celebrities and ministries during my escape from QF over the last few years1) Unbalanced- you just sense something is wrong but it sounds good and holy and everything is “backed up” with scripture verses (antidote: the gospel is so simple that even children can understand it) … [Read more...]

Considering Angst as a Healthy Part of Growth While Anticipating Mother’s Day

by Cindy Kunsman cross posted from her blog Under Much GraceAll images by Cindy Kunsman at Under Much Grace and used with permissionEditor's note: Knowing that holidays can be fraught with difficulties while you are recovering and that many have issues with both mothers and daughters I felt this piece was applicable for our upcoming Mother's Day holiday. May your day be filled with no drama.The Quiverfull and Patriarchy Movements in Evangelical Christianity (which are strongly associated with the Religious Right and with the homeschooling movement among Christians) understand any deviation “from family” as a great moral problem.Family translates for many as only the spe … [Read more...]

The Stages of Trauma in the Flowers of Spring: Daffodils Forgotten

by Cindy Kunsman cross posted from her blog Under Much GraceAll images by Cindy Kunsman from Under Much Grace used with permission I grew up in a house that stood at the edge of a small plateau on the incline of a mountain. It was bordered by unoccupied wooded acreage that sloped down behind it. In the spring, the forsythia and the azaleas bloomed in our yard, but we had no daffodils. Down in the woods behind the house however, daffodils poked their heads above the crisp, brown leaves that had covered them all winter. Nineteen plants grew there within twenty feet of the edge of our land on the hill as it rolled downward toward the city. … [Read more...]

Safe Expectations as the Safest Place in Recovery

by Cindy Kunsman cross posted from her blog Under Much GraceAll images by Cindy Kunsman from Under Much Grace and  used with permission I used this quote a short time ago, but I read something that brought it to my mind again. There is so much truth to the saying that “we learn what we live.” Alice Miller makes that fact so clear for us by explaining why people who have been hurt often repeat the same tactics that were used against them. But how does this relate to feeling safer? … [Read more...]

A Watershed Moment in Stage One of Recovery

by Cindy Kunsman cross posted from her blog Under Much GraceAll images by Cindy Kunsman from Under Much Grace used with permission The message in this meme from The Mighty website speaks so well about how trauma pervades one's life, feelings, and sense of self. I found it to be essential to my own healing, and I often wonder why no one had said this to me much earlier. I'd been to counselors many times before, worked at my recovery, and read about everything I could find. Why didn't someone tell me this during one of my first few visits? … [Read more...]

Balancing Hope and Safety in Stage One Recovery

by Cindy Kunsman cross posted from her blog Under Much Grace and part of her series on healing.All images by Cindy Kunsman from Under Much Grace and used with permission. During the last year in a spiritually abusive Shepherding-Discipleship church, I developed all sorts of allergies, partly because of how my body voiced what I could not through new, more intense illness, and partly because of the general hard toll that trauma took on my immune system. Two physicians recommended that I see a hypnotherapist, but I didn't feel comfortable with the idea. … [Read more...]

Fundraising For Baptist Teen Home Recovery Event

NLQ author and SASBN member Cindy Kunsman is holding a recovery session for survivors of the IFB Teen Homes. Many of the ladies that have been hurt by these IFB homes are still suffering from the abuse done to them as children and could greatly benefit from this event. Sadly many cannot afford to go. Cindy is running a fundraiser to assure than any of them that wants to come to this event can afford to go. Here are Cindy's words about this fundraiser. … [Read more...]

Desire for and Illusions of Safety in Recovery

by Cindy Kunsman cross posted from her blog Under Much GraceAll images by Cindy Kunsman from Under Much Grace used with permission.The previous post listed many factors that increase our vulnerability to people who are not safe for us, but what is probably more difficult is that subconscious impulse to gravitate to people who are unsafe. This comes from a complicated mix of many things, most of which are based on feeling in addition to our lack of good experience with healthy people who could have modeled better relationship skills for us. We end up figuring much of this out through trial and error. … [Read more...]


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