Daughter of the Patriarchy: Surveillance

by SierraThick summer haze blended with the spirals of smoke belching from the backyard grill. A teenage girl in a sepia-colored seventies outfit poked at the flames with a stoic face, silently urging them to gulp up more pages from the notebooks she fed them, one after another. The fire surged with joy and then abated, leaving only charred fragments sinking into dust or drifting lazily into the air. The  grill was stuffed, but not for long. Soon the makeshift altar had reduced its sacrifices to embers. The girl sighed with relief, though the anger blazing in her chest had not subsided.Her mother had read her diaries. They had to be burned. Her most private thoughts unmercifully exposed, … [Read more...]

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Steadfast Daughters in a Quivering World ~ Part 6: Soul-Binding

[Note: this series is dedicated to Quivering Daughtersby the former-Quiverfull moms at No Longer Quivering.]by DaisyMy name is Daisy.I am a good person...but I was a bad parent.Tragically, by choosing QF/patriarchal fundamentalist methodology as the pattern for my home, believing that it would provide the very best insurance against messing up with parenthood, I messed up. I messed up badly. I hurt my kids and, worse, I silenced them when they tried to tell me about it. Criticizing your parents is, of course, disrespectful and therefore opening a dangerous door that may lead a child ultimately to rebelling against God - and as I believed that put my child in danger of hellfire, of … [Read more...]

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Steadfast Daughters in a Quivering World ~ Part 5: Confessions of a Quiverfull Hero

[Note: this series is dedicated to Quivering Daughters by the former-Quiverfull moms at No Longer Quivering.] by DaisyI was only 19 when I arrived at Christianity’s door, bruised and highly impressionable and, because of my family situation, determined to do a better job of sorting out my life than my parents had done. Victims of abuse in their own homes, my parents had learned very early to dissociate from their emotions. Our home was an emotionally sterile one and, although I know now that this is not true, as as child I believed my parents did not love me. I decided that when *I* had kids, if they grew up knowing nothing else, they would know for sure that I loved them more than br … [Read more...]

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Steadfast Daughters in a Quivering World ~ Part 4: Acknowledgement & Apologies

[Note: this series is dedicated to Quivering Daughters by the former-Quiverfull moms at No Longer Quivering.] In this part of our series, the ex-QF moms of NLQ are speaking directly to our own Quivering Daughters ~ though we've already said our apologies in person, we want to acknowledge the abuse we inflicted on our children publicly for their sake, though we're doing it anonymously out of respect for their privacy.Trigger warning: As painful it has been for us to write these confessions down ~ it may be even tougher for the Quivering Daughters who were on the receiving end of our neglect and abuse to read.~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*My children were everything to me. I remember t … [Read more...]

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Steadfast Daughters in a Quivering World ~ Part 3: Perception

[Note: this series is dedicated to Quivering Daughters by the former-Quiverfull moms at No Longer Quivering.] by VyckieSo what is "abuse" and who gets to define it? Steadfast Daughters devotes a considerable amount of time and mental energy to this question. The trouble with making definitions central to the discussion is this: there's no way to do it without being condescending, petty and dismissive of Quivering Daughters who are reporting their highly personal, and necessarily highly subjective experiences of emotional and spiritual abuse.There is no objective way of defining and quantifying "abuse" ~ no way. Sorry. Try it if you must ~ but you will lose.Too many factors affect our … [Read more...]

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Steadfast Daughters in a Quivering World ~ Part 2: Expectations

[Note: this series is dedicated to Quivering Daughters by the former-Quiverfull moms at No Longer Quivering.] by VyckieProverbs 22:6 says: Train up a child in the way he should go, And when he is old he will not depart from it.Damn ~ I really hate that verse. Let me tell you why.1) It is from this proverb that we Quiverfull moms got the idea that through diligent training we could ensure our children would become mature Christians firmly grounded in the Lord and His word. Of course, we all know that God has no grandchildren ~ our sons and daughters must come to their own faith in Christ ~ still, there is a promise implied in Proverbs 22:6 which leads QF parents to believe that by our in … [Read more...]

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Steadfast Daughters in a Quivering World ~ Part 1: Sincerity

[Note: this series is dedicated to Quivering Daughters by the former-Quiverfull moms at No Longer Quivering.] by VyckieStacey McDonald, author of "Raising Maidens of Virtue: A Study of Feminine Loveliness for Mothers and Daughters," has set up a new website devoted to responding to Hillary McFarland's "Quivering Daughters" book and website.As one who embraced the idea of trusting the Lord with my family planning and devoted myself to raising up polished "arrows" fit for the Lord's service ~ "Raising Maidens of Virtue" was a much-referenced book in my large collection of "biblical family" materials. I loved the title. The words "Feminine Loveliness" filled my imagination with visions of … [Read more...]

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The Dead Village: Living With Disapproval

by SierraLeaving quiverfull/patriarchal Christianity means losing approval. It means your parents, children, or spouse may reject you - or worse, implicitly disapprove while claiming to maintain a loving bond. That means that every time you talk, there's another dagger through your heart - the feeling that you'll never again have their respect (if you ever did in the first place) or be a whole person in their eyes (if you ever were).It almost certainly means your community evaporates like a holographic illusion. You walk away, and it's like you left behind a burning village with only ghosts pacing the streets. Sometimes they haunt you - follow you into your new life, reminding you at … [Read more...]

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Daughter of the Patriarchy: “Why do you look that cow in the face?”

By SierraCourtship took my church by storm in the 1990s. While I never read I Kissed Dating Goodbye, I was given a number of books about marriage and intimacy and taught explicitly that dating was preparation for divorce. Having never dated, I was not in a position to protest. I listened patiently to the story of the couple in my church who had married without so much as holding hands. They were the happiest couple after Eamon and Pearl, so clearly they'd done something right. I learned that smitten young Message couples would walk around holding each end of a shared stick, in order to express their affection without risking finger-to-finger contact. I thought to myself that it sounded a … [Read more...]

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Daughter of the Patriarchy: The Sickness ~ Pt 2

by SierraWilliam Branham never claimed to be a faith healer. That is, he claimed that it was the power of the individual's faith in the sacrifice of Jesus Christ that healed their diseases. Christ had finished the work; there was nothing left to do but believe. In a 1955 sermon entitled Jehovah-Jireh, Branham explained that faith was the force that brought healing to the believer: If I could heal anyone, I'd come down here, and go to each one and heal everyone. I would, if I could. But I can't. And there's no other man can. And--and if Jesus was here, He could not, only if you'd believe. Look. That sounds strange, that Jesus could not heal unless you'd believe. When He went to His Own … [Read more...]

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