The Tommy Trauma Trap and Survivor Wars

by Cindy Kunsman cross posted from her blog Under Much GraceAs always images by Cindy Kunsman of Under Much Grace used with permission A few weeks ago, Dwayne Walker graciously allowed me to post his views on what he calls the “survivor wars” among those who protest the abuses of the Independent Fundamental Baptists. Sadly, I see the same kind of vying for the alpha survivor status among many bloggers who write about spiritual abuse within the Patriarchy/Homeschooling/Quiverfull Movement. (Dwayne addresses the conflicts among former Independent Fundamental Baptists, abbreviated IFB.) … [Read more...]

Abandonment and Growing Flowers on Dark Islands

by Heather Doney cross posted from her blog Becoming Worldly I was afraid. Of rejection, of being alone, of looking easy to say no to, part of an odd crew that doesn’t fit and crumbles easily. Of being the wounded fish in a tank of sharks. Of struggling with money and jobs and affording basic necessities and having nobody there. I was afraid of original sin, lack of success, my own frailty, little mistakes and big ones, of not getting things perfect enough to not be treated bad. Of writing the email and seeing the typo that outwardly proves I’m a moron and my ideas are crap, only noticed after hitting the send button. … [Read more...]

Before Treatment: Unknowingly Trapped in Trauma

by Cindy Kunsman cross posted from her blog Under Much GraceAll images by Cindy Kunsman used with permission from Under Much Grace A previous post noted that problems like a sense of helplessness, shame, guilt, problems with trust, issues with boundaries, and bad dynamics send us into counseling to find help so that we can better manage our lives. In many respects, all people experience these kinds of feelings and struggles, but those who suffered trauma need more help. The nature of the pain we face seems far more complicated than a list of a few traits and patterns. How can things be so simple or at least so simply summarized? … [Read more...]

Trauma: Where it Begins and Where it Can End

by Cindy Kunsman cross posted from her blog Under Much GraceAll images by Cindy Kunsman used with permission from Under Much Grace.Every few months, I read an online discussion that argues that when a person gets out of a traumatic relationship (especially a religious one), there are no guidelines on how to recover. While on one hand, that's true – because we all recover on our on timetable and in our own ways – trauma symptoms that cause problems in your life beyond about six months following the event aren't healthy.Unfortunately, though we may be reasonably healthy, the dynamics of a high demand relationship, religion, or group take a toll on us and cause us to loose the hea … [Read more...]

A Model of Self – Retracing My History and Healing

by Cindy Kunsman cross posted from her blog Under Much GraceAll images by Cindy Kunsman used with permission from Under Much GraceAs part of my own pendulum swing of life extremes, I ended up in Quiverfull (QF) as an adult, though I never experienced the fullness of it. As Julie Anne Smith said to me recently, I didn't suffer the same kind of abuse as QF moms or their children, but I was also a victim of the system's cruelty. On top of my own natural grief and despite the experience of a degree of rejection by both peer groups of QF moms and their homeschooled kids, I did suffer my own heartache. … [Read more...]

Part 6: Building on Emotional Self Regulation – Adventures in Ambiguity

by Cindy Kunsman cross posted from her blog Under Much Grace In the previous post, we explored the challenge of developing a healthy sense of personal power that we encounter when we exit a high demand group. How on earth can we get through life with a faulty set of coping tools, where do we go to learn them, and how can we figure out how to be balanced when all we've seen modeled for us is extremes of power and of emotion?   This topic is a huge one, but a person can do a lot of good work on their own to develop healthy Emotional Self-Regulation after exiting.REMEMBER:  As with all things that make generalizations about groups of people, if this doesn't describe your experience after … [Read more...]

Positive Affirmations and Manifesting

by AJ cross posted from her blog I Am PhoenixLife has changed so much for me the last several months. I honestly am still pinching myself. I got myself out of a living situation that was not conducive to healing, as well as a location that was physically not the best for my health. I'm living in Florida now, which has been my dream for quite some time... I'm finally free of the cold NY and PA winters. I'm surrounded by a totally new set of people... no one in my life now knew me before, and no one from my past contacts me now except two sisters. There is a possibility that I can work again in the future, get my career back. My physical health has been coming back to me faster than I im … [Read more...]

How Dysfunctional Parents Siphon Resources Back from a Child, Depriving them of Healthy Self-Development

by Cindy Kunsman cross posted from her blog Under Much GraceOriginally published January 2012. This is part of a series on Understanding How Emotional Development in Childhood Affects Adults: Fostering Spiritual Abuse via the “Roots of Victimization” All images originals from Under Much More Grace. In the previous post, we discussed how children lack internal resources which the parent provides to them so that they can develop their own sense of self, internal peace and what many authors describe as a sense of abundance. … [Read more...]

Quoting Quiverfull: Panic Attacks Happen Because You Don’t Trust God?

by Savabrown14 from Loved By I Am - An Anxious HeartEditor's note: This is much the same as the poison being spread by Tim LaHaye in his book "How To Win Over Depression" that SASBN member Samantha Field was reviewing. Instead of admitting or realizing that anxiety, fear and panic can happen because of circumstances or even the chemical load in your own brain and getting professional help dealing with your feelings it's always 'You are not trusting God.' Yeah I am, I'm trusting God created psychologists and therapists plus medicine if it's needed. How is that wrong? … [Read more...]

Post-Cult Trauma Syndrome

by Cindy Kunsman cross posted from her blog Under Much GraceAfter exiting a cult, an individual may experience a period of intense and often conflicting emotions. She or he may feel relief to be out of the group, but also may feel grief over the loss of positive elements in the cult, such as friendships, a sense of belonging or the feeling of personal worth generated by the group's stated ideals or mission. The emotional upheaval of the period is often characterized by "post- cult trauma syndrome": … [Read more...]


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