The Famous Ones

by Ellen cross posted from her blog When Church HurtsThere are big names out there in the spiritual abuse world.  Big name perpetrators.  Big name authors of blogs and books and Twitter feeds.  Big names whose social media accounts explode regularly over big names.  Big names getting the word out about big names who have committed outrageous acts of abuse.  And, of course, any time those outrageous acts are committed with any hint of ties to churchianity, we recognize them as not just sexual or domestic or physical abuse, but as spiritual abuse. … [Read more...]

Revisiting Generation Gaps and the Moral Imperative of Totalitarian Niceness

by Cindy Kunsman cross posted from Under Much GraceThe following list describes the desired traits that non-Christian young people desire to see in Christians, particularly among their elders as compiled by the authors of “unChristian: What A New Generation Really Thinks About Christianity....And Why It Matters.” When I presented quotes from this book on my blog last year, I suggested that we as believers should extend the same considerations to those who follow patriarchy as well as to young unbelievers. I would like to use this list (from pp 194-5 of the book) as a point of departure for relating to young adults in general. Those interviewed suggested that these considerations would imp … [Read more...]

Learning to Be Human Again After a Lifetime of Self-Denial

by Bruce Gerencser cross posted from his blog The Life and Times of Bruce GerencserOriginally written in 2009. Edited for grammar and clarity.Evangelical Christianity teaches that followers of Jesus must practice lives of self-denial. Self is the problem — the flesh wars against the spirit, the spirit wars against the flesh. Far too many Christians, thanks to this teaching, live guilt-ridden lives. Guilt over giving in to the flesh, guilt over letting self have control.It goes something like this… … [Read more...]

Confessing to That Which I Did Not Do

by Ellen cross posted from her blog When Church HurtsI was watching one of those real life crime drama shows recently.  I can’t remember if it was Dateline or 20/20 or 48 Hours, but the story was about a young woman who was interrogated bullied by the police for hours on end until she agreed with them that she had slammed a baby to the floor causing a head injury that led to his death.  She was convicted and in prison when the fact that the child had suffered a concussion weeks before that had caused his death.  Over and over, the reporter asked, “Why did you confess to something you didn’t do?”  And it was that question that brought revelation to me. … [Read more...]

You Are Beautiful

by AJ cross posted from her blog I Am Phoenix(Editor's note: Not precisely related to QF or religion but something important to remember in recovery. So many of us coming out of high demand religions have such a down negative view of ourselves that it's worthwhile to sometimes stop an realize we are all beautiful. It's a message that can never be repeated too often. We need to keep hearing this message as we recover.)Can you really fully experience being you if you never get outside of yourself?Do you really know who you are if you've never experienced yourself through the eyes of others? … [Read more...]

Open Thread: How Has Thanksgiving & Other Holidays Changed For You?

Yesterday it seemed like Facebook was filled with all sorts of tales of hostile Thanksgiving pasts and worries about how sideways the holiday could go due to the presence of fundamentalist Christian relatives or your loud uncle Larry that drinks a little bit and then proceeds to yell out his love for the most awful politicians ever. Turkey Day's filled with pumpkin pie and indigestion.Benjamin L. Corey has a very funny Formerly Fundy Bingo card up on his Facebook page that suits what some have to deal with from friends and relatives during the holidays. … [Read more...]

Shame Based and Immature Parenting Creates Victims of Circumstance and Dependency on Self (External Locus of Control)

by Cindy Kunsman cross posted from her blog Under Much GraceOriginally published January 2012. This is part of a series on Understanding How Emotional Development in Childhood Affects Adults: Fostering Spiritual Abuse via the “Roots of Victimization” All images originals from Under Much More Grace.We've now considered the two primary ways that a damaged or immature parent takes from their child (unloading shame and by siphoning back nurture) which we understand results from a parent's disrespect for the child's characteristics (and needs). With that background, we can now better understand how adults, both parents and grown children, cope with the sense of emptiness that they face. … [Read more...]

How Dysfunctional Parents Siphon Resources Back from a Child, Depriving them of Healthy Self-Development

by Cindy Kunsman cross posted from her blog Under Much GraceOriginally published January 2012. This is part of a series on Understanding How Emotional Development in Childhood Affects Adults: Fostering Spiritual Abuse via the “Roots of Victimization” All images originals from Under Much More Grace. In the previous post, we discussed how children lack internal resources which the parent provides to them so that they can develop their own sense of self, internal peace and what many authors describe as a sense of abundance. … [Read more...]

Do Tell!

by Ellen cross posted from her blog When Church HurtsI receive many messages thanking me for sharing my story of spiritual abuse via this blog.  People ask if they may use what I have written in their book project, as part of a spiritual abuse presentation or seminar.  People applaud my “courage” and often express their personal fear that, were they to tell their own story, they would suffer serious consequences.The desire to tell their story is framed in several ways.  Some know that telling will help them to heal.  Some want to warn others, or, at the very least, open the eyes of those who cannot see.  They hope that by telling, their friends, family members, church comrades, even … [Read more...]

The Not-So-Ridiculous Reasons People Leave Church

by Samantha Field cross posted from her blog Samantha P FieldEvery once in a while, someone I know on Facebook will share a joke or a meme that makes me grit my teeth because it makes me feel dismissed. Most recently it was this one: … [Read more...]


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