Adventures in Recovery: They Will Know We Are Christians By The Fish On Our Car

(Thanks Dwight Parker for the title, friendship and inspiration. You are a Rock Star!) by Calulu When is a t-shirt just a t-shirt and when is it a smug statement in the face of the world? Recently I wore my cross to church. That's something I almost never do and it's not because it's ugly. It's not because I don't respect what it stands for. If anything I have greater respect for it than I did during my years drinking the kool aid and toeing the proverbial line at my old patriarchal church.  I do not want to dishonor what the cross represents. My cross is beautiful, platinum set with blue sapphires and tanzanites. But I tremble over wearing such an ostentatious symbol of belief around … [Read more...]

Adventures In Recovery ~ Boo! Letting Go Of Magical Devil Thinking

 by Calulu  Sometimes I forget just how far my thinking has changed since I left Possum Creek Christian Fellowship only be to reminded in a very big way when I least expect it. The other day I was reminded how much my thinking on 'The Devil' has changed. I was working at the quilt studio helping a customer pick out coordinating fabrics for borders and bindings on several quilts she was finishing up. This customer was someone I knew vaguely from my PCCF days, a lady that attended a sister church that has split off from PCCF named Abundant Grace Fellowship. This lady, Michelle M., was a regular at both of the studios, the fiber arts-quilting one and the fine arts studio. She is one of … [Read more...]

I Am So Much More Than a Maiden of Virtue! Part 4 ~ Little Things

by WanderingOne I am a nail-biter.  I don’t bite them because I’m nervous or scared or anything like that.  I just…chew.  My nails are ugly and jagged; short and stumpy.  I hate the way they look. Growing up my parents tried to discipline me out of the habit.  It showed a lack of self-control, an inadequate ability for self-restraint.  I tried to stop.   I hated disappointing them.  I was afraid of punishment.  And yet, I never could shake the habit.  I bit and chewed—perhaps it was a form of unconscious resistance:  this small imperfection, this awful habit, was a small way of ensuring that my parents’ authority was not absolute.  Maybe it was just a bad … [Read more...]

Dispelled ~ One Girl’s Journey in a Home School Cult ~ Part 7: Surviving Abuse

Please note: The content contained herein does not necessarily reflect the values and opinions of the NLQ blog and its administrators. by Chandra For a brief while, the storms in my life had appeared to reach a kind of calm. While I still, at 17, remained friendless and lonely, at least Candi’s abusive and bullying behavior towards me took a backseat as I prepared for my last year of “high school.” My education, all twelve years of it, had been a complete fraud. The closer I become to achieving my degree in Special Education, the more I am dumbfounded how one parent could let their child’s academic achievements become so neglected. Not only am I a soon to be educator, I … [Read more...]

Adventures in Recovery ~ Hi Ho Trigger!

 by Calulu I'm not talking about Roy Roger's stuffed horse that rests in the Smithsonian either. I'm talking about those emotional triggers that stun us, slap us upside of the head when we least expect it, pulling us right back into the powerlessness of the moment. Unfortunately for most of us that moment is usually negative, bordering on Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. For at least four years after I left the toxic environment of my old church it wouldn't take much to trigger me, a snub by a former friend in the dressing room of the local gym or at the grocery store, certain hymns or songs, or places. One minute I'd be pulled together, moving and grooving and the next I'd be shaking, … [Read more...]

Adventures in Recovery ~ Surfing

by Calulu One of the great enduring passions of my life has been surfing. I've surfed off and on since I was in my teens. My father taught me and we'd scour the weather reports for tidal surges during hurricane season in south Louisiana, waiting till the waves came. The Gulf of Mexico is like a tepid bath, calm, warm and blue-green most of the time. We chased the storms to ride the waves, cruising over to Pensacola or Destin, Florida to ride the wild surf. I loved surfing. It was by turns like dancing with the ocean and carrying out a battle. I felt powerful, warrior-like when I surfed. There was just nothing else like it. Years later after I married and had children I stopped surfing for … [Read more...]

Daughter of the Patriarchy: The Shift

by Sierra            Clear morning light filtered in the empty door of the bakery. I was alone behind the storefront, a wall of bagel baskets hanging like a curtain between me and the rest of the world. My mother busied herself in the front of the store, wiping counters and making coffee as I methodically drew and cut the clear plastic wrap in its long rolls. I wrapped another sponge cake, applied the golden bakery label, and set the finished product on a tray to be stored and sold for the Jewish holidays. It was normally one of the busiest weeks in the store: the owner was Jewish and had many connections with the synagogues in northern New Jersey. We were a hotspot for holiday … [Read more...]

Steadfast Daughters in a Quivering World ~ Part 6: Soul-Binding

[Note: this series is dedicated to Quivering Daughtersby the former-Quiverfull moms at No Longer Quivering.] by Daisy My name is Daisy. I am a good person...but I was a bad parent. Tragically, by choosing QF/patriarchal fundamentalist methodology as the pattern for my home, believing that it would provide the very best insurance against messing up with parenthood, I messed up. I messed up badly. I hurt my kids and, worse, I silenced them when they tried to tell me about it. Criticizing your parents is, of course, disrespectful and therefore opening a dangerous door that may lead a child ultimately to rebelling against God - and as I believed that put my child in danger of hellfire, of … [Read more...]

Steadfast Daughters in a Quivering World ~ Part 5: Confessions of a Quiverfull Hero

[Note: this series is dedicated to Quivering Daughters by the former-Quiverfull moms at No Longer Quivering.] by Daisy I was only 19 when I arrived at Christianity’s door, bruised and highly impressionable and, because of my family situation, determined to do a better job of sorting out my life than my parents had done. Victims of abuse in their own homes, my parents had learned very early to dissociate from their emotions. Our home was an emotionally sterile one and, although I know now that this is not true, as as child I believed my parents did not love me. I decided that when *I* had kids, if they grew up knowing nothing else, they would know for sure that I loved them more than … [Read more...]

Steadfast Daughters in a Quivering World ~ Part 4: Acknowledgement & Apologies

[Note: this series is dedicated to Quivering Daughters by the former-Quiverfull moms at No Longer Quivering.] In this part of our series, the ex-QF moms of NLQ are speaking directly to our own Quivering Daughters ~ though we've already said our apologies in person, we want to acknowledge the abuse we inflicted on our children publicly for their sake, though we're doing it anonymously out of respect for their privacy. Trigger warning: As painful it has been for us to write these confessions down ~ it may be even tougher for the Quivering Daughters who were on the receiving end of our neglect and abuse to read. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* My children were everything to me. I remember … [Read more...]


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