“If You Don’t Limp” – (Another Trauma Trap)

by Cindy Kunsman cross posted from her blog Under Much Grace as part of her series on traumaAll images either from NLQ or by Cindy Kunsman and Under Much Grace used with permission Post Traumatic Stress Disorder causes several different changes in the way that the brain works, most notably, the hyperactivity in the anxiety centers in the brain. As noted in a previous post, the area of the brain that is responsible for acknowledging that something applies to the self also shuts down to a great extent. It allows for a sense of distance from the pain of trauma to help preserve a person's function when under threat, but when it fails to shut off when the threat has passed, it creates a … [Read more...]

The Rhythm of the Trauma Trap: Intrusion and Constriction

by Cindy Kunsman cross posted from her blog Under Much GraceImages by Cindy Kunsman from Under Much Grace Several authors identify post-traumatic stress by three cardinal signs. The cluster of symptoms is described as hyperarousal. Intrusion becomes the cause which produces these symptoms, and constriction results as the response to the pressure of both. … [Read more...]

A Model of Self – Retracing My History and Healing

by Cindy Kunsman cross posted from her blog Under Much GraceAll images by Cindy Kunsman used with permission from Under Much GraceAs part of my own pendulum swing of life extremes, I ended up in Quiverfull (QF) as an adult, though I never experienced the fullness of it. As Julie Anne Smith said to me recently, I didn't suffer the same kind of abuse as QF moms or their children, but I was also a victim of the system's cruelty. On top of my own natural grief and despite the experience of a degree of rejection by both peer groups of QF moms and their homeschooled kids, I did suffer my own heartache. … [Read more...]

Part 2 – Emotional Self Regulation: Adventures in Ambiguity

by Cindy Kunsman cross posted from her blog Under Much GraceIn the previous post, we explored the problem created by the black and white thinking that was forced upon us in a high demand religious group. This is especially difficult if we grew up in an ideological group, because we likely didn't see anyone model moderation or another way of thinking. We end up adopting the strategy that if one thing is bad and unsafe, it's extreme opposite is likely the best safe alternative.High demand groups don't tolerate uniqueness, and they make the mistake of defining uniformity as a type of unity. They don't tolerate much of anything that falls outside whatever their group defines as … [Read more...]

Preparing To Be A Help Meet – Debi and Michael’s Love Story Part One

by Mel cross posted from her blog When Cows and Kids CollideTo be clear, Debi and Michael's story is NOT a love story.  There is precious little love involved and a whole heap of red flags.I had just turned thirteen when I first saw him and knew, just simply knew, he was my man.  If he had glanced over and been able to read my mind he would have surely laughed.  (...)The whole community had been talking about the famous, young preacher who had been invited to speak at First Baptist Church's Teen Retreat.  (...) My young mind quickly assessed him.  He seemed bigger than life, a super, in charge type of man. I guessed he must have been at least 21 years old. (...) … [Read more...]

Quoting Quiverfull: Don’t Divorce Your Abuser?

from Ladies Against Feminism and Christian Worldview - What Should an Abused Spouse Do?Trigger warning for harmful advice. The posting at Ladies Against Feminism and Christian Worldview has a very triggering photograph of abuse.My suggestion is that you tell your husband that you want to be married to him, and that your goal is reconciliation, but that you are no longer willing to live under abuse. He has a choice to make. He needs to seek help, counseling and accountability through a local … [Read more...]

Quoting Quiverfull: Stay At Home Daughters Are Slaves?

by Suzannah Rowntree at Ladies Against Feminism - Is Stay-At-Home Daughterhood Biblical? But there was one thing missing from my convictions on “stay-at-home” daughterhood. Folks—particularly Christian peers—would remind me that the Bible doesn’t specifically command, describe, or endorse the concept, and therefore one could not make it a rule for everyone. Up until recently, I found this reasoning pretty fair. None of the books I read on the subject of daughterhood and the family made more than a persuasive argument from Scripture—certainly nothing I found convincing. Most of the factors in my own decision had been personal, and while I loved the life so much, I couldn’t recommend it to oth … [Read more...]

Church Statistics and Abuse

by Samantha Field cross posted from her blog Defeating The Dragons [trigger warning for child sexual abuse, rape, domestic violence] I’m not entirely sure when it happened, but from the reading I’ve been doing, sometime in the last 30 or so years there’s been a subtle shift in how churches talk about growth. What my reading tells me is that this is at least somewhat connected to the rise of the “mega church,” with it becoming impossible for pastoral staffs to simply look around their churches and understand who their congregation is. … [Read more...]

ATI’s Bill Gothard Sexually Harrassed ATI Workers?

by CaluluFor the past few days I've been reading through the accounts by ladies who'd worked with Bill Gothard, ATI's founder and venerated head, over at Recovered Grace. They all give very similar versions of their time with Bill, being inappropriately touched, and treated with a creepy flirtatiousness. … [Read more...]

Quoting Quiverfull: Defending The Pearls and “To Train Up a Child”?

by Paige Coleman of Delivering Women From the Snares of Death blog - Pearls Before SwineFor those of you who left nasty comments online, please be adequately informed before you raise your voice in protest. Humbly consider what you say to your children and what you say to others.  If you call for the banning of “To Train up a Child” because of the actions of those who read it, then by following your own logic, I could call for the banning of the examiner’s website.  After all, the author of the article clearly provoked you to anger.  Let’s blame him instead of you!  If Michael Pearl is responsible for Carri Williams’ anger, then the examiner (sic) is responsible for yours. … [Read more...]


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