The Letter

by Ellen cross posted from her blog When Church HurtsEditor's note: The Letter was written several years ago and is an excellent example of how we feel post church after being abused.It’s been about a year now.  A year since I went to counseling.  I only had a handful of sessions.  You’ll read about that in parts 3 and 4 of my story which I plan to make public within the next few days.  One of the last things my counselor suggested was that I write my then-pastor a letter – not to be sent, of course, because, well, it wouldn’t have mattered.  But just to tell him all of the things that I wanted to say but couldn’t because he wouldn’t meet with me.  This letter captures the essence of … [Read more...]

The Sound of Post-Survivor Living

by Heather Doney cross posted from her blog Becoming WorldlyI think it’s hard to blog through changes when you don’t hardly have words for most of them. And I’ve done that haphazardly these past few years. There’s also the fear of saying the wrong thing that can silence you. The Internet has changed a bit in the intervening time. Social media bullying, often gender based, has become so pervasive that it seems better to just back off and have a simpler life. … [Read more...]

What Christian Leaders Tell the Sexually Abused

by Cindy Kunsman cross posted from her blog Redeeming DinahAll images by Cindy Kunsman from Redeeming Dinah and used with permission. This is a summary of some of the teachings of prominent Christian leaders on sexual abuse that Cindy has used in her presentations on abuse. It is a compilation more than an article. … [Read more...]

Celebrate Yourself! Part 2

by AJ cross posted from her blog I Am Phoenix I love music. I play the piano and just started learning to play guitar. Animals. I am drawn towards them. I feel more comfortable around them than I do around most people. I feel like I am grounded around them, and I draw energy and peace from being around them. I like to think that I bounce that energy and those good vibes back to them. I was holding my nephew's bunny Alfie the other night. I was at a dinner party and I was on the verge of passing out and feeling sick. But if I concentrated on Alfie, I could re-center myself and not go as deep into a crash as I otherwise would have.  Alfie's nose just kept wiggling and his whiskers kept time wi … [Read more...]

Celebrate Yourself! Part 1

by AJ cross posted from her blog I Am Phoenix So I have been comparing my old beliefs and new beliefs a good bit lately.  I guess there was one old and new habit that I haven't explored much yet. Maybe I haven't explored it because I haven't settled comfortably into the new habit even as of now? … [Read more...]

Banging the Buttons

by Virginia Knowles cross posted from her blog Watch the ShepherdWith a malevolent yet gleeful grin, a young man strode up and rapidly banged the button on the right: VERY POOR. Like ten times. Huh? What's with that? … [Read more...]

The Cold Never Bothered Me Anyway

by Ellen cross posted from her blog When Church HurtsJust as in “Frozen,” my “shame” was in being “found out.”Not that I was really hiding anything.  Because if what happened to me – the condemnation, ostracism, shunning – if all of that was appropriate, then why would it need to be hidden?  The simple fact that I was told from the beginning that I was not to talk about it smacks of “what we are doing here is NOT appropriate.” … [Read more...]

Bonding and Bondage in Abusive Relationships

by Virginia Knowles cross posted from her blog Watch the ShepherdIn case you're wondering why you can't "just get over it" from a painfully abusive or damaging or destructive relationship: Trauma bonding makes any relationship harder to end, harder to heal, harder to find freedom from through forgiveness, than the loss of a true love. The neural pathways burned into a brain in trauma bonding are laid down in powerful fear/anxiety hormonal rushes leaving even comparatively good memories with the person colored with the stains of those traumatic events. The loss of anyone we have loved -- whether they have treated us very well indeed or in a deplorable manner -- is something that will heal … [Read more...]

How They Hook You – Spotting Logical Fallacies and Propaganda Techniques

by Cindy Kunsman cross posted from her blog Under Much More Grace Spotting Logical Fallacies and Propaganda TechniquesThe techniques of thought reform as defined by Robert Lifton are based upon a series of logical leaps and informal logical fallacies. Knowing the basics of commonly used fallacies and propaganda techniques can help reduce the likelyhood of manipulation. Like a good batter … [Read more...]

You’re Not Broken

by Eliza Do Lots from her blog I Run on CaffeineFor long periods in my life, I’ve felt broken. Broken by things that have happened to me, by the things that other people have done, and said, to me. About me. I’ve felt that I’m shattered into pieces, and don’t know how to carry on, and I’ve felt lost, and alone, and afraid.In those times, where I’ve felt that I’m simply the dust that once made up a person, with no idea how to put myself back together, I’ve wished for someone or something to walk into my life and sweep me back together into some semblance of a whole.I’ve sought out a fix, a solution, a magic Fairy Godmother or dashing Prince Charming, to take over and tell me, or s … [Read more...]