Part 7: Finding a Healthy Locus of Control – Adventures in Ambiguity

by Cindy Kunsman cross posted from her blog Under Much GraceAll images by Cindy Kunsman from Under Much Grace used with permissionWe've already noted that a person's concept of self suffers while in a high demand group or family, since the member's sense of worth must be derived from the group. Though they may appear to have autonomy, their choices are bound and limited to that which is determined by the group. … [Read more...]

Part 6: Building on Emotional Self Regulation – Adventures in Ambiguity

by Cindy Kunsman cross posted from her blog Under Much Grace In the previous post, we explored the challenge of developing a healthy sense of personal power that we encounter when we exit a high demand group. How on earth can we get through life with a faulty set of coping tools, where do we go to learn them, and how can we figure out how to be balanced when all we've seen modeled for us is extremes of power and of emotion?   This topic is a huge one, but a person can do a lot of good work on their own to develop healthy Emotional Self-Regulation after exiting.REMEMBER:  As with all things that make generalizations about groups of people, if this doesn't describe your experience after … [Read more...]

Part 5: Pitfalls in Personal Power – Adventures in Ambiguity

by Cindy Kunsman cross posted from her blog Under Much GraceAll imaged by Cindy Kunsman of Under Much Grace used with permission In the previous post, we explored a couple of ways a person can work on their own to develop better Emotional Self-Regulation after exiting or after growing up in a high demand group. Healthy internal dialogue and building self concept provide individuals with a good opportunity to do a great deal of healing and growth on their own.The concept of “Locus of Control” comes from the study of the psychology of personality and is viewed as another important aspect or component of self concept. It refers to the amount of control that a person bel … [Read more...]

Part 4 – The Map is Not the Territory: Adventures in Abiguity

by Cindy Kunsman cross posted from her blog Under Much GraceAll images in the piece by Cindy Kunsman and used with permission. And the territory is definitely not the map.   This saying came from a scientist and philosopher named Alfred Korzybski who launched the study of how human understanding and the nervous system intersected, particularly concerning how language shapes our perceptions. He was a Polish-born Russian who served in World War I as an intelligence officer, but he became a citizen of the U.S. In 1940.The original phrase that Korzybski coined in 1933 illustrates the problem of mistaking an abstraction of something for the genuine article. Another wise f … [Read more...]

Positive Affirmations and Manifesting

by AJ cross posted from her blog I Am PhoenixLife has changed so much for me the last several months. I honestly am still pinching myself. I got myself out of a living situation that was not conducive to healing, as well as a location that was physically not the best for my health. I'm living in Florida now, which has been my dream for quite some time... I'm finally free of the cold NY and PA winters. I'm surrounded by a totally new set of people... no one in my life now knew me before, and no one from my past contacts me now except two sisters. There is a possibility that I can work again in the future, get my career back. My physical health has been coming back to me faster than I im … [Read more...]

‘Christian’ or Christ-Like (Of Apes and Men)

by Living Liminal cross posted from her blog Living LiminalI recently introduced my younger sons to the Planet of the Apes movie series. Having worked our way through the 5 original movies (and turned a blind eye to the 2001 abomination) we then watched the 2011 reboot, 'Rise' and its sequel, 'Dawn'.Needless to say, the whole concept of two intelligent species vying for supremacy of the planet has given rise to some interesting conversations. Personally, I have found myself musing on the portrayal of the relationship between ape and mankind, and particularly the idea that both species had their share of 'good' and 'evil' characters. … [Read more...]

Part 3 – Self-Regulation? What? How?: Adventures in Ambiguity

by Cindy Kunsman cross posted from her blog Under Much GraceEditor's note: Cindy has oodles of very cute cat and kitten graphics at her site to illustrate her points. You should take a look at them on her site!)How can I possibly know anything about emotional self-regulation? I was faced and am often still faced with the quandary of growing up without it, not really knowing that I lacked it, and then trying to figure out how to develop it. And though trauma therapy helped me make great strides to develop it, I still have my days...The process works out differently for everyone, and some people have less difficulty than others.  This represents what I experienced in my journey … [Read more...]

Is This Your Pastor?

by Ellen cross posted from her blog When Church HurtsHere is another interesting article on Covert Narcissism – specifically in the pastorate.  As I read the indicators, I was again nodding my head in agreement.Link to pdfThe bullet point list in the article talks about “one-upping you in conversation.”  I hadn’t thought much about this until I saw this point, but, yes, that happened in my very limited conversations with the pastor. … [Read more...]

Beware of Church Planting Networks

by Emily Nielson Jones of Christian Patriarchal Watch List For Parents "For every 1 church plant by a mainline denomination, there are 9 church plants by an evangelical group, and most evangelical denominations were more open to women's leadership 100 years ago than they are today - for example, Evangelical Free, Baptist General Conference, Assemblies of God, various Holiness denominations, and the Wesleyan church.” ~ Dave Olson, Church Planter, Evangelical Covenant Church (which has a gender-balanced leadership) http://www.christianitytoday.com/gifted-for-leadership/2009/april/final-church-barrier-for-women-church-planter.html … [Read more...]

Part 2 – Emotional Self Regulation: Adventures in Ambiguity

by Cindy Kunsman cross posted from her blog Under Much GraceIn the previous post, we explored the problem created by the black and white thinking that was forced upon us in a high demand religious group. This is especially difficult if we grew up in an ideological group, because we likely didn't see anyone model moderation or another way of thinking. We end up adopting the strategy that if one thing is bad and unsafe, it's extreme opposite is likely the best safe alternative.High demand groups don't tolerate uniqueness, and they make the mistake of defining uniformity as a type of unity. They don't tolerate much of anything that falls outside whatever their group defines as … [Read more...]


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