How Dysfunctional Parents Siphon Resources Back from a Child, Depriving them of Healthy Self-Development

Healthy Nurturing Parent

by Cindy Kunsman cross posted from her blog Under Much GraceOriginally published January 2012. This is part of a series on Understanding How Emotional Development in Childhood Affects Adults: Fostering Spiritual Abuse via the “Roots of Victimization” All images originals from Under Much More Grace. In the previous post, we discussed how children lack internal resources which the parent provides to them so that they can develop their own sense of self, internal peace and what many authors describe as a sense of abundance. … [Read more...]

Patheos Atheist LogoLike No Longer Quivering and Patheos Atheist on Facebook!

On ‘Different’ Churches: You’re Actually Not

samantha

by Samantha Field cross posted from her blog Samantha P Field.ComA little while ago I reached out to my followers on Twitter to ask if they’d stopped attending church and why. I was flooded with replies over the next few days, and many of the answers I received were heart-shattering. In the midst of that conversation, the Twitter account for Highlands Fellowship church jumped in, inviting me and another woman to their church because they were “different,” and linking both of us to a promotional video. … [Read more...]

Patheos Atheist LogoLike No Longer Quivering and Patheos Atheist on Facebook!

Do Tell!

WhenChurchHurts

by Ellen cross posted from her blog When Church HurtsI receive many messages thanking me for sharing my story of spiritual abuse via this blog.  People ask if they may use what I have written in their book project, as part of a spiritual abuse presentation or seminar.  People applaud my “courage” and often express their personal fear that, were they to tell their own story, they would suffer serious consequences.The desire to tell their story is framed in several ways.  Some know that telling will help them to heal.  Some want to warn others, or, at the very least, open the eyes of those who cannot see.  They hope that by telling, their friends, family members, church comrades, even … [Read more...]

Patheos Atheist LogoLike No Longer Quivering and Patheos Atheist on Facebook!

Not Quoting Quiverfull: Hanging Onto Your Faith After Leaving

Notquoting

by Jennifer C. Martin from the Patheos blog Unfundamentalist Christian and Jezebel.com - How Sexism in the Church Almost Ruined My LifeChurches that devalue women are contributing to the breakdown of religious faith in this country at large. If you tell a young girl that her voice doesn’t count in the house of God, why would she want to go there? If you tell a woman she can’t lead a congregation when her gift is public speaking, how could she believe that she has a purpose with that deity? And if a religious leader tells a man that he’s supposed to control his wife by being the “head of the household,” how can you be surprised when that same wife begins to resent her secondary place? … [Read more...]

Patheos Atheist LogoLike No Longer Quivering and Patheos Atheist on Facebook!

Fear Factor

WhenChurchHurts

by Ellen cross posted from When Church HurtsMy friend, Rebekah Gilbert, has written a great blog post about Fear.  Her thoughts turned on a light bulb in my head because I realized just how true her words are.  You see, the spiritual abuse that was meted out to me had one purpose only:  to create fear in my heart and in my life.Perhaps the perpetrators’ ultimate goal was to get me to leave, but they did this in such a way that over the decade-plus years of spiritual abuse, I became terrorized.  And, just as my friend, Rebekah, realized, once I began to stand up to my abusers, the fear that they had placed on me returned to them.  Such great fear that their only recourse was to ban me … [Read more...]

Patheos Atheist LogoLike No Longer Quivering and Patheos Atheist on Facebook!

The Not-So-Ridiculous Reasons People Leave Church

10-reasons

by Samantha Field cross posted from her blog Samantha P FieldEvery once in a while, someone I know on Facebook will share a joke or a meme that makes me grit my teeth because it makes me feel dismissed. Most recently it was this one: … [Read more...]

Patheos Atheist LogoLike No Longer Quivering and Patheos Atheist on Facebook!

How to Keep From Spiritual Abusing People

WhenChurchHurts

by Ellen cross posted from her blog When Church HurtsTell the truth.That’s it.You’re probably thinking that’s crazy, but think about it.  If you have been spiritually abused, think about if the perpetrator had told the truth.“I am not open to questions.”“You have to support the staff and their decisions no matter what.”“We do not allow people to express concerns.”“I’m only interested in getting my own way.” … [Read more...]

Patheos Atheist LogoLike No Longer Quivering and Patheos Atheist on Facebook!

Siding With The Many

WhenChurchHurts

by Ellen cross posted from her blog When Church HurtsI often reblog or link to the writings, wisdom, and insights of others, not so much because I couldn’t have said it myself, but simply because I fear that were I to address these issues, it would appear that I am simply trying to argue for myself.  As those of us who are intimately familiar with spiritual abuse, doing so would create an immediate dismissal of my writing simply because I would be perceived as only making an effort to defend myself.  In the world of spiritual abuse, this would result in making me the problem for pointing out the problem. … [Read more...]

Patheos Atheist LogoLike No Longer Quivering and Patheos Atheist on Facebook!

Misunderstanding and Punishing the Character of Children as a Root of Victimization

Image from Under Much Grace

by Cindy Kunsman cross posted from her blog Under Much Grace Originally published January 2012. This is part of a series on Understanding How Emotional Development in Childhood Affects Adults: Fostering Spiritual Abuse via the "Roots of Victimization" A few days ago, I pointed out that the girls who survived incarceration at Hephzibah House (HH) suffered both trauma/torture and spiritual abuse, and upon leaving, they struggle with unique problems including trauma reenactment, revictimization, and an inability to self-protect. Though some of this relates directly to the debilitation of the self created by the harsh conditions at HH, the roots of these related deficits are created in … [Read more...]

Patheos Atheist LogoLike No Longer Quivering and Patheos Atheist on Facebook!

Memories of My Own Cognitive Dissonance: Gothard’s Doctrine of Grace as an Example

Undermuchgrace

by Cindy Kunsman cross posted from Under Much Grace originally posted in 2010In so many words (!), I’ve already shared what cognitive dissonance felt like after some exit counseling and realizing that not everything I’d believed had been true.I’d like to discuss a bit more about the process that facilitated my acceptance of Gothard’s take on grace (and other ideas introduced at the Institute of Basic Life Principles conference I attended). I only briefly mentioned it in this post. Cognitive dissonance was easy to ignore for me when I first accepted his views, but when I revised my understanding after I left the spiritually abusive system; I had no other option but to let the process … [Read more...]

Patheos Atheist LogoLike No Longer Quivering and Patheos Atheist on Facebook!


CLOSE | X

HIDE | X