Kiss Your Monster on the Nose

by Cindy Kunsman cross posted from her blog Under Much GraceAll images by Cindy Kunsman and Under Much Grace used with permission. I first encountered this story near the end of the book An Adult Child's Guide to What's “Normal” by Friel and Friel, but beyond that, I have no idea where it originated.In many ways, I hope to make the monsters of Cognitive Biases something of friends by what they tell us about ourselves. May we continue to learn from our mistakes and those uncomfortable parts of ourselves that tend to scare us. May they become our respected friends and instruments for fostering healthy growth.Once upon a time there was a little girl who lived in a village far fro … [Read more...]

Strategic Wisdom, Cognitive Bias and Poker

by Cindy Kunsman cross posted from her blog Under Much GraceAll images by Cindy Kunsman and Under Much Grace used with permission.Just a reminder that the purpose of this discussion aims at stimulating thought and self awareness as tools to help those in recovery from trauma learn how to make safer choices. To make the discussion more jocular, we've defined Cognitive Biases as “CranioRectal Inversions” (CRI). … [Read more...]

Why My Common Cognitive Biases Make Me Lousy at Poker

by Cindy Kunsman cross posted from her blog Under Much GraceAll images by Cindy Kunsman and Under Much Grace are used with permission. Just a reminder that the purpose of this discussion aims at stimulating thought and self awareness as tools to help those in recovery from trauma learn how to make safer choices. To make the discussion more jocular, we've defined Cognitive Biases as “CranioRectal Inversions” (CRI).As I walked through this past year (recapped here), I recognized the familiar sense of panic that I felt during my last year in my spiritually abusive (cultic) church. A number of years ago, I'd become involved with a new group of people that aspired to achieve some ide … [Read more...]

Wishful Thinking and Jello

by Cindy Kunsman cross posted from her blog Under Much GraceImages by Cindy Kunsman from Under Much Grace and used with permission. This is another article in the Cindy's Cognitive Biases series. I remember when I was head over heels (sometimes literally) in that Toronto Blessing Movement in Word of Faith, I could feel the disappointment coming. I was probably about ten pounds overweight at the time, and I went on an extended fast. I stopped checking my weight when I was three weeks in, and I'd dropped about 35 pounds. I continued to fast until I “believed” I'd achieved what I'd set out to overcome, but I didn't weigh myself again. I do remember when my weight shot about 35 pounds ahead … [Read more...]

When Cognitive Biases Hit Too Close To Home

by Cindy Kunsman cross posted from her blog Under Much GraceJust a reminder that the purpose of this discussion aims at stimulating thought and self awareness as tools to help those in recovery from trauma learn how to make safer choices. To make the discussion more jocular, we've defined Cognitive Biases as “CranioRectal Inversions” (CRI).All images by Cindy Kunsman and Under Much Grace and used with permission.We don't come with a user's manual for our parents when we're born, and no one gives us one when we head towards adulthood. We are human, and as the old slogan goes, “Children learn what they live. … [Read more...]

Deeply Planted Seeds of Cognitive Bias

by Cindy Kunsman cross posted from her blog Under Much GraceContinuing on in Cindy's excellent series on the role cognitive bias plays in spiritual abuse and recovery. All images by Cindy Kunsman from Under Much Grace and used with permission. This is a tweeked excerpt from a post that I wrote a few years ago, prompted by Cindy Foster's reflection on a blog post about a blog post (Rachel Held Evans' The Scandal of the Evangelical Heart)     Reflecting on my own, consistently repeated cognitive biases, I thought that this might give the reader some insight into how illogical ideas can become so entrenched in our natures and the ways we learn to we see the world. I still find th … [Read more...]

Dignity, Decisions and Liberty of Conscience

by Virginia Knowles cross posted from her blog Watch The Shepherd As I write on this Watch the Shepherd blog about the abuse of authority and advocating for the vulnerable, I often think of another underlying theme: liberty of faith and conscience. This applies to churches, marriages, parenting, education choices, and so much more. … [Read more...]

Discussing Toxic Patriarchy and Spiritual Abuse

by Cindy Kunsmans cross posted from her blog Under Much GraceOriginally published in 2010 and titled 'To New or Disgruntled Readers'For people who visit here for the first time and find themselves a bit “challenged,” I would like to address some of the common problems that people tend to have with the nature of the material that I post here. (I call it the "Gadfly Effect," something echoing the "Gadfly of Athens" title attributed to Socrates because he asked pesky questions that no one wanted to think about.) … [Read more...]

Part 2 – Living Happily in ‘Plan B’

by Cindy Foster cross posted from her blog Finding FundamentalYou can find Part 1 here. ‘Plan A’ became the sum total of our utmost hopes and dreams for our children as pertaining more to their ‘Godliness’ than anything else. We assumed that ‘Godliness’ was the main ingredient to guarantee success in all their practical endeavors as well. … [Read more...]

The Sound of Post-Survivor Living

by Heather Doney cross posted from her blog Becoming WorldlyI think it’s hard to blog through changes when you don’t hardly have words for most of them. And I’ve done that haphazardly these past few years. There’s also the fear of saying the wrong thing that can silence you. The Internet has changed a bit in the intervening time. Social media bullying, often gender based, has become so pervasive that it seems better to just back off and have a simpler life. … [Read more...]