Questioning the Pearls: No Foster Children With Your Own Children?

For well over a year we’ve been running a second Answering ‘Preparing To Be A Help Meet’ on Sundays, filled with questions by young ladies trying to get ready for marriage. Since we’ve run through many of the questions on their site it’s time to shift Sundays to something else, like perhaps examining the cornucopia of probably fake emails and questions that Michael and Debi Pearl of No Greater Joy post on their website and the possibly poisonous answers they give. … [Read more...]

Quoting Quiverfull: Treat Abusive Husbands Well?

by Nancy Campbell from Above Rubies - It Begins With Your HusbandEditor's note: While the idea of treating others like you like to be treated is a good one Nancy takes it too far. Sorry, but if your husband is verbally abusing you the answer is not be nicer to him! It's not going to convict him, or force him to change. Chances are he'll just get worse because you're telling him that however he treats you is alright with you. This is not what healthy emotional boundaries in marriage relationships look like! … [Read more...]

Quoting Quiverfull: Doug Wilson Thinks Triggers Are a Lie?

by Doug Wilson from Blog and Mablog - Triggered SchmiggeredEditor's note: Keep in mind that this man is the same guy that had no problem marrying a sex offender pedophile or allowing him access to children in the Reformed IFB church Wilson pastors. He thinks that anyone having any problem with things he personally disapproves of is not a valid option. In a time when so many women have been triggered by the words of presidential candidate Donald Trump and a host of other things Wilson thinks that being triggered is not a real thing. … [Read more...]

Developing Tools to Find Safety in the Face of Uncertainty

by Cindy Kunsman cross posted from her blog Under Much GraceAll images by Cindy Kunsman from Under Much Grace and used with permission. In the discussion of building safety in stabilization in recovery from post traumatic stress, we've recently considered the role of acceptance and expectation in that process. We lose perspective because we get more consumed with survival for far too long which interferes with our ability to embrace joy and live optimistically. … [Read more...]

Psychological Socialism – Manipulating by Equalizing Blame

by Virginia Knowles cross posted from her blog Watch the ShepherdWhat is “psychological socialism”?  I’m so glad you asked!  It’s a term I coined a few years ago as rough concept after reading a friend's Facebook status (more on that later). Since then, I’ve done a lot of research on abusive and unhealthy interpersonal dynamics.  What I’ve read about and heard from others is enough to make my hair stand on end, but it gave me a lot of material to finally write this article! … [Read more...]

Answering ‘Preparing To Be A Help Meet’ – Biblical Divorce Because Of Abuse?

Another installment of giving better answers to the questions asked at Debi Pearl’s site message board for the book ‘Preparing To Be A Help Meet’. Many young ladies ask questions on all sorts of different subjects brought up by the book. There was just one big problem, many of the answers stray into either the outright bad and emotionally unhealthy to dangerous. Yes, typical Debi Pearl borderline abusive. Here’s what we’re going to be doing here at NLQ. Every week, once or twice a week, I’ll be posting up one of the questions from the message board and ask you, our readers, to answer that poor soul’s question in a way that is logical,  rational and the best possible solution, in other words 1 … [Read more...]

How Should Churches Handle Allegations of Abuse?

by Bruce Gerencser cross posted from his blog The Life and Times of Bruce GerencserHow should churches handle allegations of abuse? Let me state right up front that I do not think churches shouldn’t “handle” anything.  This is what gets churches, pastors, and church leaders into trouble to start with. Instead of immediately doing the right thing when someone makes an allegation of abuse, pastors and church members often: … [Read more...]

Quoting Quiverfull: Part 1 – Selfish Momma Dooms Children?

by Michael Pearl from No Greater Joy - Broken CirclesEditor's note: More of the harsher rhetoric of the Pearls from the 1990s. In this lengthy piece we're quoting Michael lays the blame for all the children out of control firmly at the feet of women who divorce their husbands. This is pretty awful in so many ways. All the  boxes of Pearl fears are checked, drinking, addiction, sexual molestation of children, lesbian duplex/apartment living, poverty..and how did Mom go from living with another man to rushing out to date? Typical Pearl lack of logic or editing. … [Read more...]

Who Said It – Michael Pearl and Christian Grey Edition

Think you can tell the difference between things No Greater Joy's Michael Pearl says and the things said by Christian Grey in the book 'Fifty Shades of Gray'? Guess which below belongs to which man. Answers at the very bottom of the page. … [Read more...]

Siding With The Many

by Ellen cross posted from her blog When Church HurtsI often reblog or link to the writings, wisdom, and insights of others, not so much because I couldn’t have said it myself, but simply because I fear that were I to address these issues, it would appear that I am simply trying to argue for myself.  As those of us who are intimately familiar with spiritual abuse, doing so would create an immediate dismissal of my writing simply because I would be perceived as only making an effort to defend myself.  In the world of spiritual abuse, this would result in making me the problem for pointing out the problem. … [Read more...]