Shame-Based Parenting Fills a Child’s Heart With Shame Instead of Love: Disrespect for Children That Tilled the Soil For Abuse at Hephzibah House

by Cindy Kunsman cross posted from her blog Under Much GraceOriginally published January 2012. This is part of a series on Understanding How Emotional Development in Childhood Affects Adults: Fostering Spiritual Abuse via the “Roots of Victimization” All images originals from Under Much More Grace. If you recall, this latest discussion here concerning developmental problems and deficits in children came about after a supporter of Ron Williams, the proprietor of Hephzibah House (HH), published a blog post that challenges those HH Survivors who have come forward to tell of the abject abuse and terrible conditions they suffered while incarcerated there. There are many other Independent Fun … [Read more...]

“Lies Women Believe” Review 243 – 281

by Samantha Field cross posted from her blog Samantha P Field.comY’all should celebrate at the end of this post because we did it! We finished the Lies Women Believe review– this is the last week. Speaking of which, if you have any ideas for which book I should do next, I’m open to hearing them. Next week will be a break of sorts, since I’ll be reviewing Man Enough: How Jesus Redefines Manhood by Nate Pyle, which I’m excited about sharing with you.But, let’s get this over with, shall we? … [Read more...]

How Parents’ Intolerance of a Child’s Immaturity Creates Both Victims and Abusers

by Cindy Kunsman cross posted from her blog Under Much More GraceOriginally published January 2012. This is part of a series on Understanding How Emotional Development in Childhood Affects Adults: Fostering Spiritual Abuse via the “Roots of Victimization” All images originals from Under Much More Grace. As noted earlier concerning the natural characteristics of children, the parent's proper respect for and care of a child's immaturity builds the basis for self control in their adulthood and helps them learn how to effectively manage and govern their lives as adults. This mastery, a characteristic of maturity, also provides for a healthy sense of spontaneity. Healthy maturity involves rel … [Read more...]

How Parents Prime Children For Victimization Through Ignorance, Neglect and Abuse of Dependency Needs

by Cindy Kunsman cross posted from her blog Under Much More GraceOriginally published January 2012. This is part of a series on Understanding How Emotional Development in Childhood Affects Adults: Fostering Spiritual Abuse via the “Roots of Victimization” All images originals from Under Much More Grace. One of the primary roles of a parent should be preparing their children to be safe, protected, and secure in adulthood, preparation that begins in childhood, encouraging the child's growth into maturity. When successful, parents prepare children who become adults who are able to care adequately for their own basic needs and are also responsive to the needs of others without compromising t … [Read more...]

Quoting Quiverfull: Part 2 – Child Extortionists?

by Michael Pearl from No Greater Joy - Twinkie TwerpsEditor's note: Please excuse the lateness of this piece. I am traveling again and experiencing indifferent internet at various places.More of Michael Pearl mistaking normal childhood behavior and needs for sin and manipulation. It's horribly telling that Michael considers a child asking for food more of a 'character development' issue than what it likely is, a need, either physical or emotional, that must be met. Why the mother did not redirect the child by doing something like involving him in helping her prepare a snack for all the children by cutting the twinkie into equal portions and possibly adding items? There are so many … [Read more...]

Quoting Quiverfull: Part 1 – Child Extortionists?

by Michael Pearl from No Greater Joy - Twinkie TwerpEditor's note: Another fine piece of parenting advice from Mikey Pearl. Of course kids are going to be occasionally demanding, act like less than a mature adult and want junk food, but is that any reason to blame/shame and call them ugly names? Clearly the child wasn't suffering a 'character loss' after one selfish moment wanting a snack cake and struggling with mama over it. There's just too much in this story that is unknown. Was it late in the afternoon and he was needing a snack before dinner? Did he miss a nap and was acting out as a result of being overtired? It's not all 'sin' … [Read more...]

Quoting Quiverfull: Part 2 Manipulative Children and Angry Mothers?

by Debi Pearl from No Greater Joy - Emotional ManipulatorsEditor's note: Laughing at a child hurting? Giving a bad tasting substance to punish her? So much abusive advice packed in three short paragraphs. A child's needs, physical and emotional are not 'manipulating' By the responses of the mother, this little girl has been trained to be an emotional manipulator. When she can not get her way, she will pretend to be hurt — or take a small hurt and make it into a big one. The mother will rush to the child and tell the other children to let her play or to not run off and leave her. This further compounds the sibling relationships because the other children don’t feel kindly toward a “cr … [Read more...]

Understanding How Dysfunctional Families Prime Children For the Experience of Shame (Leading To Victimization)

by Cindy Kunsman from Under Much GraceOriginally published January 2012. This is part of a series on Understanding How Emotional Development in Childhood Affects Adults: Fostering Spiritual Abuse via the “Roots of Victimization”There are many excellent Christian books concerning dysfunctional family dynamics -- that is besides the Book of Genesis which contains the best archetypal examples of how you should NOT relate to other family members! One of the most interesting families to draw out on a relationship diagram is that of Jacob, Esau and their parents, and some of the Christian self-help books in this genre look at many of the Old Testament patriarchs to explain how tri … [Read more...]

Quoting Quiverfull: Deny Your Possibly Gay Son Privacy To ‘Cure’ Him?

by Scared Catholic Mom on Queerity - Scared Christian Mom Asks How To Keep Her Gay Teen PureEditor's note: The big Catholic families are sometimes the first encounter with Quiverfull for those not raised fundamentalist evangelical Quiverfull. While this woman is not promoting Quiverfull ideals she sure sounds like she's the Catholic version of Michael Pearl, trying to control the same sex attraction out of her poor confused teenager. This much control over any child is abusive! This reads like a what not to do for your LBGTQ  child primer. … [Read more...]

Misunderstanding and Punishing the Character of Children as a Root of Victimization

by Cindy Kunsman cross posted from her blog Under Much Grace Originally published January 2012. This is part of a series on Understanding How Emotional Development in Childhood Affects Adults: Fostering Spiritual Abuse via the "Roots of Victimization" A few days ago, I pointed out that the girls who survived incarceration at Hephzibah House (HH) suffered both trauma/torture and spiritual abuse, and upon leaving, they struggle with unique problems including trauma reenactment, revictimization, and an inability to self-protect. Though some of this relates directly to the debilitation of the self created by the harsh conditions at HH, the roots of these related deficits are created in … [Read more...]