The Stages of Trauma in the Flowers of Spring: Daffodils Forgotten

by Cindy Kunsman cross posted from her blog Under Much GraceAll images by Cindy Kunsman from Under Much Grace used with permission I grew up in a house that stood at the edge of a small plateau on the incline of a mountain. It was bordered by unoccupied wooded acreage that sloped down behind it. In the spring, the forsythia and the azaleas bloomed in our yard, but we had no daffodils. Down in the woods behind the house however, daffodils poked their heads above the crisp, brown leaves that had covered them all winter. Nineteen plants grew there within twenty feet of the edge of our land on the hill as it rolled downward toward the city. … [Read more...]

Does the Devil Make the Music?

by Cindy Foster cross posted from her blog Finding FundamentalI woke up yesterday morning to the glorious sound of music.My twenty-year old son Dillon, was on our desk-top computer in our living room listening to his favorite songs on YouTube. Often he listens through headphones, but this time he was letting his music serenade me through the speakers of our computer as he would if he were listening to the radio.He likes to do that for me. … [Read more...]

Fundraising For Baptist Teen Home Recovery Event

NLQ author and SASBN member Cindy Kunsman is holding a recovery session for survivors of the IFB Teen Homes. Many of the ladies that have been hurt by these IFB homes are still suffering from the abuse done to them as children and could greatly benefit from this event. Sadly many cannot afford to go. Cindy is running a fundraiser to assure than any of them that wants to come to this event can afford to go. Here are Cindy's words about this fundraiser. … [Read more...]

Deciding to Get Help After Trauma

by Cindy Kunsman cross posted from her blog Under Much GraceAll images by Cindy Kunsman of Under Much Grace and used with permission At some point, for most people, the stress of their trauma alters their lives significantly enough that they reach out for help. It was no light thing for me to seek it myself.  The expense alone can be enough to keep people from seeking assistance … [Read more...]

Creating Illusions Through Self-Injury When Trapped in Trauma

by Cindy Kunsman cross posted from her blog Under Much GraceAll images by Cindy Kunsman from Under Much Grace and used with permission.In addition to self-destructive impulsiveness that can accompany PTSD, the person struggling to regulate their mood can resort to willful physical injury or self-mutilation, one type of addictive behavior that is used as a coping mechanism. Self injury may include a whole variety of behaviors from cutting rituals to hair pulling or interfering with wound healing.People who experience PTSD contend with very difficult and disturbing symptoms of mood and behavior. They often become anxious quite easily because of seemingly innocuous things which … [Read more...]

Part 2 – Churches That Abuse, Why Good People Do Bad Things and Why Bad People Do Bad Things

by Bruce Gerencser cross posted from his blog The Life and Times of Bruce GerencserIn the first part of this post I dealt with Churches That Abuse: Why Bad people do Bad things. I wrote: Churches attract all kinds of people with varying motivations for being a part of a particular religion. I spent fifty years in the Independent Baptist/Non-Denominational/Evangelical church. When it comes … [Read more...]

Feelings Are Fundamental

by Cindy Foster at Finding FundamentalThere is an insidious, mostly unrecognized ethic prevalent among hard-core fundamentalist Baptists (as I am sure exists among other rigid belief systems),   that emotions are largely the tool of the devil. … [Read more...]

Part 2 – Emotional Self Regulation: Adventures in Ambiguity

by Cindy Kunsman cross posted from her blog Under Much GraceIn the previous post, we explored the problem created by the black and white thinking that was forced upon us in a high demand religious group. This is especially difficult if we grew up in an ideological group, because we likely didn't see anyone model moderation or another way of thinking. We end up adopting the strategy that if one thing is bad and unsafe, it's extreme opposite is likely the best safe alternative.High demand groups don't tolerate uniqueness, and they make the mistake of defining uniformity as a type of unity. They don't tolerate much of anything that falls outside whatever their group defines as … [Read more...]

The Famous Ones

by Ellen cross posted from her blog When Church HurtsThere are big names out there in the spiritual abuse world.  Big name perpetrators.  Big name authors of blogs and books and Twitter feeds.  Big names whose social media accounts explode regularly over big names.  Big names getting the word out about big names who have committed outrageous acts of abuse.  And, of course, any time those outrageous acts are committed with any hint of ties to churchianity, we recognize them as not just sexual or domestic or physical abuse, but as spiritual abuse. … [Read more...]

Finding the Strength to Give Yourself Permission to Leave

by Suzanne Titkemeyer cross posted from her blog Every Breaking WaveI remember the last two years before I walked away from my old church. Every Saturday night or early Sunday morning I would have a nightmare involving church. They always involved church. It might be something like the pastor calling me out for some imagined sin from the pulpit and he and I fighting in the sanctuary. One time I dreamed that my home was filled with an abundance, a crazy wild abundance of things, like opening the bread box to have three fresh loaves leaping out instead of one, or opening the silverware drawer and finding set after set of silver in the drawer. That dream was terrifying because I was … [Read more...]


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