If It Was So Bad, Why Did You Stay?

Image from When Church  Hurts

by Ellen cross posted from her blog When Church HurtsOnce in a while, I get this question. It’s not so different from years ago when I asked my mother the same thing.My father died of colon cancer when I was three years old. My mother rarely spoke of him except to say that his death was the best thing that could have happened to us – his four children. Back in those days, you didn’t challenge or question adults, so I would listen to her comment and wonder what she meant. Was it because he was so ill or so maimed by his disease (he lost most of his intestines and wore a colostomy bag) that it would have been difficult for us? That was my assumption.Then, when I was about twenty yea … [Read more...]

Day 20 of 21 Days of Healing: What About God?

Image from When Church  Hurts

by Ellen cross posted from her blog When Church Hurts“God made you in His image.”Day 20You may have noticed that I haven’t spent much time on God over these 21 days except for the brain changing thoughts that I hope you have been repeating to yourself several times a day through the month. If you stuck with it, you will probably notice a change in how you think about what God thinks of you. Please don’t stop once our 21 Days are over. … [Read more...]

Why I Don’t Need a Man (And Some Things I Do Need)

CC Image by Mari's Muses

by Mari cross posted from her blog Mari's Muses(Editor's note: Stay warm, Mari! ...and everyone else out there since much of the country is under a polar vortex)I’ve been working a lot the past few weeks.Why yes, I love my job. Thanks for asking.Getting to and from work is the most difficult part of my job — because I live about 30 minutes from work (26 miles with nothing but fields to look at), and sometimes, I work until late and then I have to go back to work early the next morning. … [Read more...]

It Was a Friday

Ellen

by Ellen cross posted from her blog When Church HurtsOne year ago. It was a Friday. Last year it was the last day of school before we were to go on Christmas break. This year, while today is a Friday, we will have school for two days next week. So, it’s not quite the same. Yet today is much like that Friday one year ago.On that day, my husband was trying to set up a meeting with church leadership to discuss the spiritually abusive treatment I had received for over a decade and the leadership’s angry response when they found out that I had broken their mandate to keep quiet about what they had done to me all of those years. … [Read more...]

Tacit Agreement

Image from When Church Hurts

by Ellen cross posted from her blog When Church HurtsImplied, inferred, understood without actually speaking.I was chatting with someone recently about my experience with spiritual abuse. She asked how many of our friends at the church were aware of what had taken place and had spoken up in our defense.I responded that no one had taken the initiative to contact me or my husband to find out why we were no longer attending. No took the initiative to call, email, message, write, or communicate in any way. We are … [Read more...]

Frozen

Hans telling Anna that he's been using her. CC Screencap from the Disney movie "Frozen"

by Ellen cross posted from her blog When Church HurtsHas anyone else seen the parallels between Elsa and their own experience with spiritual abuse?I first saw the movie just days after being tossed out of our church and I sat there in tears and in awe as I watched Elsa make the “mistake” of hurting her sister while she was using her incredible gift to create joy and delight.She then is shut up, not allowed to use her gift any longer and she is told she cannot tell anyone what is happening to her. … [Read more...]

Day 15 of 21 Days of Healing: Making It Real

wintersmorn

by Ellen cross posted from her blog When Church Hurts“He restores my soul.” (Brain work.)Day 15At the end of Day 14, you should have had a pretty good idea of what your perfect “ordinary” day would look like. I hope you are taking steps to make that happen.Remember, an “ordinary” day is one that happens on a regular basis – like my work week. Monday through Friday’s are my “ordinary” days and I love having a very restful, relaxing, time outside of my working and commuting hours. … [Read more...]

There Is No Formula For Culture Shock

orchids

by Lana Hope cross posted from her blog Wide Open GroundI recently thought of this post, I wrote on Christmas Eve from my phone while with a few teenagers in Asia. We spent Christmas day floating around a pond in 80F/26C weather in shorts, and in the evening when the temperature had dropped to 68F/20C, I read a book out on a lawn chair while the kids were swimming.Then I thought how brutal the last two years have been. I mean, freakin TERRIBLY DIFFICULT PUCK ME UP, kind of brutal. … [Read more...]

“Un-Friending”

unfriend

by Ellen cross posted from her blog When Church HurtsYesterday, I was asked to list three things that have happened in the past year that I can celebrate. Immediately, I wrote that both of my sons graduated from college and both have jobs in their fields of study – not always an easy task these days. … [Read more...]

Day 13 of 21 Days of Healing: Making Your “To Don’t” List

pleachedalley

by Ellen cross posted from her blog When Church HurtsGod loves you. God loves you. God loves you. How is your brain change going?Day 13I’m sure you’ve heard those worn out lines like: Christianity is just a list of “don’t’s.” Don’t drink, smoke, swear, sleep around, lie, etc.At my first abusive church there were a lot of “don’t’s.”At my second abusive church, there were a lot of “do’s.” … [Read more...]


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