Part 7: Finding a Healthy Locus of Control – Adventures in Ambiguity

by Cindy Kunsman cross posted from her blog Under Much GraceAll images by Cindy Kunsman from Under Much Grace used with permissionWe've already noted that a person's concept of self suffers while in a high demand group or family, since the member's sense of worth must be derived from the group. Though they may appear to have autonomy, their choices are bound and limited to that which is determined by the group. … [Read more...]

“Spotlight” Review – It Takes A Village To Abuse A Child

by Suzanne TitkemeyerLast night I had an opportunity to see an extraordinary film, one that I'm sure would deeply resonate with everyone that is a regular reader of NLQ. The film is "Spotlight" and it's playing right now in theaters across the country after a wide screen release on Friday, November 20th. … [Read more...]

Do Tell!

by Ellen cross posted from her blog When Church HurtsI receive many messages thanking me for sharing my story of spiritual abuse via this blog.  People ask if they may use what I have written in their book project, as part of a spiritual abuse presentation or seminar.  People applaud my “courage” and often express their personal fear that, were they to tell their own story, they would suffer serious consequences.The desire to tell their story is framed in several ways.  Some know that telling will help them to heal.  Some want to warn others, or, at the very least, open the eyes of those who cannot see.  They hope that by telling, their friends, family members, church comrades, even … [Read more...]

Not Quoting Quiverfull: Hanging Onto Your Faith After Leaving

by Jennifer C. Martin from the Patheos blog Unfundamentalist Christian and Jezebel.com - How Sexism in the Church Almost Ruined My LifeChurches that devalue women are contributing to the breakdown of religious faith in this country at large. If you tell a young girl that her voice doesn’t count in the house of God, why would she want to go there? If you tell a woman she can’t lead a congregation when her gift is public speaking, how could she believe that she has a purpose with that deity? And if a religious leader tells a man that he’s supposed to control his wife by being the “head of the household,” how can you be surprised when that same wife begins to resent her secondary place? … [Read more...]

How to Keep From Spiritual Abusing People

by Ellen cross posted from her blog When Church HurtsTell the truth.That’s it.You’re probably thinking that’s crazy, but think about it.  If you have been spiritually abused, think about if the perpetrator had told the truth.“I am not open to questions.”“You have to support the staff and their decisions no matter what.”“We do not allow people to express concerns.”“I’m only interested in getting my own way.” … [Read more...]

How Fundamentalism Cultivates the ‘Inner Me’ and a Mistrust For Others

by Lana Hope cross posted from her blog Wide Open GroundA few weeks ago, Darcy challenged the notion that we should use God to justify our choices. It has really stuck with me. She explains, The me of today doesn’t believe I need to use God to justify my choices.I’ve done that my whole life….used scripture and God and “God’s will” to make decisions and defend them to everyone who thought I was wrong or had an opinion about me. And no matter what the choice was or how well I defended it “from scripture” someone always thought it was wrong. Because they too could defend their belief about my wrongness from scripture. … [Read more...]

Know When To Walk Away, Know When To Run

by Ellen cross posted from her blog When Church HurtsI recently received a message on the Facebook page for When Church Hurts in which the writer asked if they should leave a church if no one cares whether or not they come back because they are seen as not contributing enough. The writer didn’t define what they meant by “contribute,” but it could mean any number of things – not enough money, time, energy, attendance, spiritual depth, etc. … [Read more...]

Survivor Testimonials & Prayer For Hope

by Emily cross posted from her site - Christian Patriarchal Watch List For  Parents What do these ideas look like in real life? It varies, but not something I want for my daughter in any shade of gray, you? "I guess when you are the center of your family (prophet, king, and priest) where all the women serve you (wife and unmarried daughters), it must go to your head. On top of that add homeschooling expert, president of a company/ministry, and leader in a church, sought after speaker, author, and not to mention one's own sin nature, and what do you have?" http://surphside.blogspot.com/2013/11/questions-and-thoughts-about-vision.html … [Read more...]

Father Forgive Them…

by Living Liminal cross posted from her blog Living LiminalI was angry last night!The big, green, Incredible Hulk type of anger.This morning it's the quietly sickened and disgusted type.Why? … [Read more...]

Insanity in the Church

by Living Liminal cross posted from her blog Living LiminalMy ex-husband's way of dealing with relationship breakdown was just to walk away and pretend it had never happened.Despite the many times I asked him to meet with me and deal with the reality of what had happened between us, he refused. He wanted to walk away and get on with the fun he was having (i.e. an affair) If he didn't have to face reality, he could convince himself that he'd done nothing wrong and so there was nothing to deal with. If I was hurt, that was my problem. … [Read more...]


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