How Fundamentalism Cultivates the ‘Inner Me’ and a Mistrust For Others

lanawideopenground

by Lana Hope cross posted from her blog Wide Open GroundA few weeks ago, Darcy challenged the notion that we should use God to justify our choices. It has really stuck with me. She explains, The me of today doesn’t believe I need to use God to justify my choices.I’ve done that my whole life….used scripture and God and “God’s will” to make decisions and defend them to everyone who thought I was wrong or had an opinion about me. And no matter what the choice was or how well I defended it “from scripture” someone always thought it was wrong. Because they too could defend their belief about my wrongness from scripture. … [Read more...]

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Know When To Walk Away, Know When To Run

WhenChurchHurts

by Ellen cross posted from her blog When Church HurtsI recently received a message on the Facebook page for When Church Hurts in which the writer asked if they should leave a church if no one cares whether or not they come back because they are seen as not contributing enough. The writer didn’t define what they meant by “contribute,” but it could mean any number of things – not enough money, time, energy, attendance, spiritual depth, etc. … [Read more...]

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News: Ex Mars Hill Pastor Mark Driscoll Reemerges As Conference Speaker

news

Old dog performing the same old tricks. After all the allegations of abusive behaviors and other things no pastor should engage in and the dissolution of the mega church brand founded and run by him Mark Driscoll finds another way to spread his message. He's now popping up at different religious conferences as a speaker. This summer he's even on tap to speak at the Hillsong Conference. More from Seattle PI. … [Read more...]

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Not Quoting Quiverfull – Litmus Test To Avoid Abusive Churches

Notquoting

From the new blog Flee From Christian Fundamentalism - Escape from the Abuse at ChurchEditor's note: Good list of things to look for in any new church you might attend.  But keep in mind that the author is a Methodist and there are also Methodist churches that would fail this list. Every church has the potential to have any one of these things going on, even the mainstream ones. … [Read more...]

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Do Not Turn Yourself Inside Out

nora

by Nora Woodhouse cross posted from her blog A Heart Like Mine"Do not turn yourself inside out trying to explain yourself to people who refuse to see you. You know who you are."I really liked this quote; I always seem to find things like this when I really need them. A wave of sadness had hit me yesterday, in part because I was still trying to recover and process from a nightmare the night before. I had this horrible dream Other Child was dying and there was nothing I could do about it. I was at their bedside forced with having to let them go. I think a dream like that is fairly representative of how I am still sorting through my feelings after making the choice to go no contact. … [Read more...]

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Why You Are The Problem

livingliminal

by Living Liminal cross posted from her blog Living LiminalIt was a few days before the meeting at which the board's official 'advice' was to be handed down to me. By this stage, it was pretty obvious what that advice would be. As they'd spent the past 3 weeks being 'unavailable' - far too busy doing 'important things' to talk to me - it didn't take a genius to work out I was being hung out to dry.I was sitting in the lounge room of elder R because I wanted to talk to him before I got officially shafted by the board. I was hoping (in vain!) that if I shared my concerns about the behavior of elder J and his wife, and the board members backing him, that he'd realize there was something … [Read more...]

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When Abuse Leads to Cynicism

Watchtheshepherd

by Virginia Knowles cross posted from her blog Watch The ShepherdDo you know anyone whose faith has been turned upside down into cynicism because of hypocrisy or abuse within a church or a family?I do. I've lost count of those I know personally, and I have read about far more who have walked away from the Christian faith or at least wandered to the outer fringe of fellowshipI have been researching abuse and authority issues in families, churches, and religious movements for over seven years. … [Read more...]

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“No Church is Perfect”

Image from Living Liminal

by Living Liminal cross posted from her blog Living LiminalDear well-meaning (if cliched) christians I meet online,If just one more of you says to me, "no church is perfect" as a way of dismissing the abuse I experienced, I will probably self-destruct in front of you.I know this is true.But I do not accept it as an excuse for abusive behaviour. I do not accept it as a cover-up for harming others.You see, I am married.To an imperfect person.But that doesn't give my husband the right to abuse me.I understand that he is not perfect. I also understand that I am not perfect. But we have each other's backs. We talk things through. We forgive. We overlook the shortcomings. We value each other, … [Read more...]

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Who Has the Power in Your [Former] Church?

Ellen

by Ellen cross posted from her blog When Church HurtsI know a man who once worked for a major Christian Publisher. He had gone to their school to train as a missionary, but when it was almost time for he and his wife to leave for the mission field, the leadership requested that he stay and teach in the school. … [Read more...]

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If It Was So Bad, Why Did You Stay?

Image from When Church  Hurts

by Ellen cross posted from her blog When Church HurtsOnce in a while, I get this question. It’s not so different from years ago when I asked my mother the same thing.My father died of colon cancer when I was three years old. My mother rarely spoke of him except to say that his death was the best thing that could have happened to us – his four children. Back in those days, you didn’t challenge or question adults, so I would listen to her comment and wonder what she meant. Was it because he was so ill or so maimed by his disease (he lost most of his intestines and wore a colostomy bag) that it would have been difficult for us? That was my assumption.Then, when I was about twenty yea … [Read more...]

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