Questioning the Pearls – How Can I Instill a Sense of Self Worth in My Verbally Abused Child?

For well over a year we’ve been running a second Answering ‘Preparing To Be A Help Meet’ on Sundays, filled with questions by young ladies trying to get ready for marriage. Since we’ve run through many of the questions on their site it’s time to shift Sundays to something else, like perhaps examining the cornucopia of probably fake emails and questions that Michael and Debi Pearl of No Greater Joy post on their website and the possibly poisonous answers they give. … [Read more...]

Safety, Ambiguity, Expectation and Balance

by Cindy Kunsman cross posted from her blog Under Much GraceThis is part of a series Cindy Kunsman has been writing on recovery from spiritual abuse and trauma. All images by Cindy Kunsman of Under Much Grace and used with permission. As a child, in an effort to comfort me, an elderly woman at my church would encourage me to read what the Apostle Paul wrote to the Church at Philippi. Basically, he says that he learned how to be contented with whatever situation he faced. One of the primary ways of coping with bad situations, according to what he wrote, involves thinking about good things as opposed to dwelling on the bad ones. … [Read more...]

Intrinsically Valuable

by Suzanne Titkemeyer cross posted from her blog Every Breaking WaveOne of my favorite possessions is a photo of my grandmother from back in the late 1920s. I'm not sure it's pre or post Black Tuesday, Oct. 29, 1929 but I think it's likely pre. I've heard horror stories from that grandmother my whole life about two or three of her brothers jumping out of windows after losing fortunes in the marketin. I know her family was wealthy right up until Black Tuesday. The only one to come out financially unscathed was my great grandmother, but only because she owned many rental properties and farms. She didn't trust in stocks. … [Read more...]

You Are Beautiful

by AJ cross posted from her blog I Am Phoenix(Editor's note: Not precisely related to QF or religion but something important to remember in recovery. So many of us coming out of high demand religions have such a down negative view of ourselves that it's worthwhile to sometimes stop an realize we are all beautiful. It's a message that can never be repeated too often. We need to keep hearing this message as we recover.)Can you really fully experience being you if you never get outside of yourself?Do you really know who you are if you've never experienced yourself through the eyes of others? … [Read more...]

How Parents Prime Children For Victimization Through Faulty Ideas About Self Love/Esteem

by Cindy Kunsman cross posted from her blog Under Much More GraceOriginally published January 2012. This is part of a series on Understanding How Emotional Development in Childhood Affects Adults: Fostering Spiritual Abuse via the “Roots of Victimization”Failing to Teach A Child Appropriate Self Love and ValueAs noted in the previous post, children the characteristics of children, when respected and anticipated by the parent help to form the basis of appropriate core behaviors in adulthood. What is perhaps the most primary of these is the development of appropriate self-love, addressed briefly in an earlier post. … [Read more...]

Self Esteem, Self Efficacy and the Locus of Control

by Cindy Kunsman cross posted from her blog Under Much GraceEditor's note: This was written in response to some of the discussion over Cynthia Jeub's blog posts. That is not why I am sharing it here. This is something that everyone in recovery from spiritual abuse or religious trauma syndrome could benefit from watching and thinking about the issues brought forth.Religious lifestyles that demand a great deal of conformity can create a lot of relationship tension as children venture into adulthood as those adult children begin to make their own choices about life and belief.  If there is too much reliance on the identity of the family of origin or if the family demands the adult to … [Read more...]

Quoting Quiverfull: Stop Whining About Your Past?

by Michael Pearl from the latest No Greater Joy Magazine - Who Defines You?The piece below is followed by an awkward segue into a salvation call and then an attempt to raise money for the ministry If as an adult you feel that you are burdened with a negative self-image, blaming your parents or your early environment is just digging the hole deeper. It is acquiescence to your inherited handicap. You are like a liberated slave who won’t leave your place of despised captivity because you were born there and don’t know anything else. You validate your captor’s opinion that you are not fit to self-govern, to succeed, to amount to anything apart from their enslaving oversight. The hurt you fee … [Read more...]

Growing Up Duggar – Your Relationship With Yourself: Part 1

by Suzanne Titkemeyer cross posted from her blog True Love Doesn't RapePage 1 to 9The chapter starts out with a lot of talk about how wonderful it is that all the girls share the same room before an awkward segue into being self critical over appearance.  "All of us have gone through times when we've felt we needed to lose weight. And we've all looked at the girl in the mirror and sometimes found things that just didn't seem to measure up." … [Read more...]

Cults, Christianity, Toxic Beliefs and Health

by AJ cross posted from her blog I Am PhoenixI recently separated from a religious cult that I grew up in. During the time I was questioning the beliefs of this cult, I realized that many of these beliefs unfortunately are also foundational beliefs in modern day evangelical Christianity as well. So I ended up leaving not only the cult, but Christianity also. … [Read more...]

Then and Now

by AJ cross posted from her blog I Am PhoenixI'm becoming more and more aware that I don't need to "aware" of my beliefs in order for them to affect my life.My beliefs shape the way my life is branching out right at this very moment, even if many of these beliefs were formed many years ago and I don't give them much thought today. … [Read more...]