The Letter

by Ellen cross posted from her blog When Church HurtsEditor's note: The Letter was written several years ago and is an excellent example of how we feel post church after being abused.It’s been about a year now.  A year since I went to counseling.  I only had a handful of sessions.  You’ll read about that in parts 3 and 4 of my story which I plan to make public within the next few days.  One of the last things my counselor suggested was that I write my then-pastor a letter – not to be sent, of course, because, well, it wouldn’t have mattered.  But just to tell him all of the things that I wanted to say but couldn’t because he wouldn’t meet with me.  This letter captures the essence of … [Read more...]

The Cold Never Bothered Me Anyway

by Ellen cross posted from her blog When Church HurtsJust as in “Frozen,” my “shame” was in being “found out.”Not that I was really hiding anything.  Because if what happened to me – the condemnation, ostracism, shunning – if all of that was appropriate, then why would it need to be hidden?  The simple fact that I was told from the beginning that I was not to talk about it smacks of “what we are doing here is NOT appropriate.” … [Read more...]

Sincere Tyranny

by Cindy Foster cross posted from her blog Finding Fundamental “Of all tyrannies, a tyranny sincerely exercised for the good of its victims may be the most oppressive. It would be better to live under robber barons than under omnipotent moral busybodies.  … [Read more...]

Peace in the Midst of the Storm

by Cindy Kunsman cross posted from her blog Under Much Grace  Please enjoy the reflections of Stephen Parsons as he visits the Island of Crete. (The post in its entirety struck me as so lovely and deep using a powerful analogy that I have not even noted here, it is well worth the visit to Surviving Church to read it.): … [Read more...]

What’s Your Motive? To Hurt? To Help? To Heal?

by Ellen cross posted from her blog When Church HurtsI haven’t yet publicly posted the last two parts of my story on this blog.  I’m checking my motive before I do that.  Because, while all the names have been changed and only one person that knows me personally is following this blog (and I suspect has shared it with church leadership), I want to be sure that when I post it publicly, it is not to hurt, but to help others to heal. … [Read more...]

Quoting Quiverfull: Doug Wilson Thinks Triggers Are a Lie?

by Doug Wilson from Blog and Mablog - Triggered SchmiggeredEditor's note: Keep in mind that this man is the same guy that had no problem marrying a sex offender pedophile or allowing him access to children in the Reformed IFB church Wilson pastors. He thinks that anyone having any problem with things he personally disapproves of is not a valid option. In a time when so many women have been triggered by the words of presidential candidate Donald Trump and a host of other things Wilson thinks that being triggered is not a real thing. … [Read more...]

The Women Fighting Back

NLQ Founder Vyckie Garrison and NLQ Admin Suzanne Titkemeyer were recently interviewed by Dylan Brethour for Vice.com about their time in the Quiverfull movement: Former member Suzanne explains: "Quiverfull families believe that they have to trust the Lord with their family planning... It's based off the idea that God intends to fill your quiver and blessed is the man whose quiver is full of arrows." Another ex-member, Vyckie Garrison, calls Quiverfull "pro-life rhetoric on steroids". I spoke to both women about why they joined, life as a true believer, and what finally pushed them to leave. … [Read more...]

When Controlling Behavior Backfires

by Living Liminal cross posted from her blog Living LiminalOne of the first bloggers I started to follow after experiencing bullying and abuse in the institutional church was Julie Anne. She now writes a blog called Spiritual Sounding Board, but when she first started blogging, she could be be found here.She wrote this about being sued by her ex-pastor: "Days after the commencement of this blog, I received a legal summons suing me and three others for defamation to the tune of $500,000. The story of spiritual abuse needs to be told. People are being hurt emotionally and spiritually by pastors who use bully tactics and we need a place to learn, to talk freely, and to heal. I will not … [Read more...]

Cranio-Rectal Inversion and Cognitive Bias

by Cindy Kunsman cross posted from her blog Under Much GraceAll images by Cindy Kunsman from Under Much Grace and used with permission. (You can't live very safely if your head's up your _____.)The title of this post conveys a rude image, but I find it sadly and uncomfortably true. In pondering my own recent disappointments in life and establishing safety in trauma recovery, I found myself looking squarely at my own cognitive biases. And I realized that you can't see and hear if you've buried your head away somewhere, even if it is self interest. … [Read more...]

Developing Tools to Find Safety in the Face of Uncertainty

by Cindy Kunsman cross posted from her blog Under Much GraceAll images by Cindy Kunsman from Under Much Grace and used with permission. In the discussion of building safety in stabilization in recovery from post traumatic stress, we've recently considered the role of acceptance and expectation in that process. We lose perspective because we get more consumed with survival for far too long which interferes with our ability to embrace joy and live optimistically. … [Read more...]