Love Does Not Look Like Judgement

by Living Liminal cross posted from her blog Living LiminalI've been thinking since I wrote my last post about our use of the phrase "Love the sinner, hate the sin." In that post I was suggesting that going out of your way to point out and denounce whatever you view as sin in the lives of others, under the guise of "love", is not in fact a very loving thing to so.I've struggled with the notion that people who claim to worship a God whose very essence is love, can be some of the most hurtful, hateful, unloving people around. And that in so many cases, christians are not known for their love, but for their bigotry and fear and condemnation of others. … [Read more...]

Discussing Toxic Patriarchy and Spiritual Abuse

by Cindy Kunsmans cross posted from her blog Under Much GraceOriginally published in 2010 and titled 'To New or Disgruntled Readers'For people who visit here for the first time and find themselves a bit “challenged,” I would like to address some of the common problems that people tend to have with the nature of the material that I post here. (I call it the "Gadfly Effect," something echoing the "Gadfly of Athens" title attributed to Socrates because he asked pesky questions that no one wanted to think about.) … [Read more...]

The Letter

by Ellen cross posted from her blog When Church HurtsEditor's note: The Letter was written several years ago and is an excellent example of how we feel post church after being abused.It’s been about a year now.  A year since I went to counseling.  I only had a handful of sessions.  You’ll read about that in parts 3 and 4 of my story which I plan to make public within the next few days.  One of the last things my counselor suggested was that I write my then-pastor a letter – not to be sent, of course, because, well, it wouldn’t have mattered.  But just to tell him all of the things that I wanted to say but couldn’t because he wouldn’t meet with me.  This letter captures the essence of … [Read more...]

The Cold Never Bothered Me Anyway

by Ellen cross posted from her blog When Church HurtsJust as in “Frozen,” my “shame” was in being “found out.”Not that I was really hiding anything.  Because if what happened to me – the condemnation, ostracism, shunning – if all of that was appropriate, then why would it need to be hidden?  The simple fact that I was told from the beginning that I was not to talk about it smacks of “what we are doing here is NOT appropriate.” … [Read more...]

Sincere Tyranny

by Cindy Foster cross posted from her blog Finding Fundamental “Of all tyrannies, a tyranny sincerely exercised for the good of its victims may be the most oppressive. It would be better to live under robber barons than under omnipotent moral busybodies.  … [Read more...]

Peace in the Midst of the Storm

by Cindy Kunsman cross posted from her blog Under Much Grace  Please enjoy the reflections of Stephen Parsons as he visits the Island of Crete. (The post in its entirety struck me as so lovely and deep using a powerful analogy that I have not even noted here, it is well worth the visit to Surviving Church to read it.): … [Read more...]

What’s Your Motive? To Hurt? To Help? To Heal?

by Ellen cross posted from her blog When Church HurtsI haven’t yet publicly posted the last two parts of my story on this blog.  I’m checking my motive before I do that.  Because, while all the names have been changed and only one person that knows me personally is following this blog (and I suspect has shared it with church leadership), I want to be sure that when I post it publicly, it is not to hurt, but to help others to heal. … [Read more...]

Quoting Quiverfull: Doug Wilson Thinks Triggers Are a Lie?

by Doug Wilson from Blog and Mablog - Triggered SchmiggeredEditor's note: Keep in mind that this man is the same guy that had no problem marrying a sex offender pedophile or allowing him access to children in the Reformed IFB church Wilson pastors. He thinks that anyone having any problem with things he personally disapproves of is not a valid option. In a time when so many women have been triggered by the words of presidential candidate Donald Trump and a host of other things Wilson thinks that being triggered is not a real thing. … [Read more...]

The Women Fighting Back

NLQ Founder Vyckie Garrison and NLQ Admin Suzanne Titkemeyer were recently interviewed by Dylan Brethour for Vice.com about their time in the Quiverfull movement: Former member Suzanne explains: "Quiverfull families believe that they have to trust the Lord with their family planning... It's based off the idea that God intends to fill your quiver and blessed is the man whose quiver is full of arrows." Another ex-member, Vyckie Garrison, calls Quiverfull "pro-life rhetoric on steroids". I spoke to both women about why they joined, life as a true believer, and what finally pushed them to leave. … [Read more...]

When Controlling Behavior Backfires

by Living Liminal cross posted from her blog Living LiminalOne of the first bloggers I started to follow after experiencing bullying and abuse in the institutional church was Julie Anne. She now writes a blog called Spiritual Sounding Board, but when she first started blogging, she could be be found here.She wrote this about being sued by her ex-pastor: "Days after the commencement of this blog, I received a legal summons suing me and three others for defamation to the tune of $500,000. The story of spiritual abuse needs to be told. People are being hurt emotionally and spiritually by pastors who use bully tactics and we need a place to learn, to talk freely, and to heal. I will not … [Read more...]