Part 2 – The Paradox of Freedom

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by Living Liminal cross posted from her blog Living LiminalPart one can be found here - Part 1 - The Paradox of FreedomI shared in my last post about the revolutionary discovery I made after my husband left me - that I actually had the freedom to choose whether or not to forgive him! And that it was only when I found out I was free to choose, that I was truly able to forgive. This is what I call the paradox of freedom.Now it's been many years since that momentous realisation. Since then I've seen a precious friendship turn into marriage, been blessed with two more amazing sons, suffered spiritual abuse, lost my 'religion', and embarked on a faith journey with a freshly-revealed … [Read more...]

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It Was a Friday

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by Ellen cross posted from her blog When Church HurtsOne year ago. It was a Friday. Last year it was the last day of school before we were to go on Christmas break. This year, while today is a Friday, we will have school for two days next week. So, it’s not quite the same. Yet today is much like that Friday one year ago.On that day, my husband was trying to set up a meeting with church leadership to discuss the spiritually abusive treatment I had received for over a decade and the leadership’s angry response when they found out that I had broken their mandate to keep quiet about what they had done to me all of those years. … [Read more...]

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Tacit Agreement

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by Ellen cross posted from her blog When Church HurtsImplied, inferred, understood without actually speaking.I was chatting with someone recently about my experience with spiritual abuse. She asked how many of our friends at the church were aware of what had taken place and had spoken up in our defense.I responded that no one had taken the initiative to contact me or my husband to find out why we were no longer attending. No took the initiative to call, email, message, write, or communicate in any way. We are … [Read more...]

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Not Quoting Quiverfull: Forgiving Doesn’t Mean Forgetting

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by Linda Vernick from the Association of Biblical Counselors - Why We Must Never Forget Even When We Do ForgiveEditor's note: This may be coming from a Christian counselor publication, but it's a step in the right direction in the way forgiveness and self-protection should work together. … [Read more...]

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Day 18 of 21 Days of Healing: Focus

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by Ellen cross posted from her blog When Church Hurts“I have loved you with an everlasting love.” (Can you tell your thoughts are changing?)Day 18:For those who are following the 21 Days of Healing, you have read and hopefully thought through Days 13, 14 and 15 – which are about letting go of all of the stuff you used to do and then thinking about – and doing – the things that you truly want to do. … [Read more...]

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Frozen

Hans telling Anna that he's been using her. CC Screencap from the Disney movie "Frozen"

by Ellen cross posted from her blog When Church HurtsHas anyone else seen the parallels between Elsa and their own experience with spiritual abuse?I first saw the movie just days after being tossed out of our church and I sat there in tears and in awe as I watched Elsa make the “mistake” of hurting her sister while she was using her incredible gift to create joy and delight.She then is shut up, not allowed to use her gift any longer and she is told she cannot tell anyone what is happening to her. … [Read more...]

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Day 17 of 21 Days of Healing: How To Respond

21Daysofhealing

by Ellen cross posted from her blog When Church HurtsHis mercies are new every morning.  (Brain work.)Day 17A few days a go I attended a conference for teachers in my discipline – music. Of course, the first person I ran into is a life-long member of the church that tossed me out last December. In fact, because she divorced several years ago, she no longer serves in any capacity. (He had an affair and refused church or any other kind of counseling. The wife did everything she could to save their marriage. But I digress.) “I haven’t seen you in a long time!” she exclaimed. And because she was with another woman whom I did not know, I simply replied, “Oh, like all of us, I’ve been v … [Read more...]

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Day 15 of 21 Days of Healing: Making It Real

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by Ellen cross posted from her blog When Church Hurts“He restores my soul.” (Brain work.)Day 15At the end of Day 14, you should have had a pretty good idea of what your perfect “ordinary” day would look like. I hope you are taking steps to make that happen.Remember, an “ordinary” day is one that happens on a regular basis – like my work week. Monday through Friday’s are my “ordinary” days and I love having a very restful, relaxing, time outside of my working and commuting hours. … [Read more...]

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Day 14 of 21 Days of Healing: I’d Rather Be…

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by Ellen cross posted from her blog When Church HurtsWe have peace with God through our Lord Jesus . . . ” Romans 5:1 Think on this calming thought today.Day 14Yesterday, I talked about the “To-Don’t” list and how I took some time to just stop and rest. I took more than a day and I hope that you will, too. I rested until I was tired of resting. And once I was tired of resting, I started thinking about what I’d rather be doing. In other words, what would my day look like if I could do whatever I wanted?Because, for the longest time, I did what I thought other people wanted. Or what people told me God wanted. Whether it was doing or being, I was always focused on fulfilling othe … [Read more...]

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“Un-Friending”

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by Ellen cross posted from her blog When Church HurtsYesterday, I was asked to list three things that have happened in the past year that I can celebrate. Immediately, I wrote that both of my sons graduated from college and both have jobs in their fields of study – not always an easy task these days. … [Read more...]

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