Not Quoting Quiverfull: Forgiving Doesn’t Mean Forgetting

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by Linda Vernick from the Association of Biblical Counselors - Why We Must Never Forget Even When We Do ForgiveEditor's note: This may be coming from a Christian counselor publication, but it's a step in the right direction in the way forgiveness and self-protection should work together. … [Read more...]

Day 18 of 21 Days of Healing: Focus

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by Ellen cross posted from her blog When Church Hurts“I have loved you with an everlasting love.” (Can you tell your thoughts are changing?)Day 18:For those who are following the 21 Days of Healing, you have read and hopefully thought through Days 13, 14 and 15 – which are about letting go of all of the stuff you used to do and then thinking about – and doing – the things that you truly want to do. … [Read more...]

Frozen

Hans telling Anna that he's been using her. CC Screencap from the Disney movie "Frozen"

by Ellen cross posted from her blog When Church HurtsHas anyone else seen the parallels between Elsa and their own experience with spiritual abuse?I first saw the movie just days after being tossed out of our church and I sat there in tears and in awe as I watched Elsa make the “mistake” of hurting her sister while she was using her incredible gift to create joy and delight.She then is shut up, not allowed to use her gift any longer and she is told she cannot tell anyone what is happening to her. … [Read more...]

Day 17 of 21 Days of Healing: How To Respond

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by Ellen cross posted from her blog When Church HurtsHis mercies are new every morning.  (Brain work.)Day 17A few days a go I attended a conference for teachers in my discipline – music. Of course, the first person I ran into is a life-long member of the church that tossed me out last December. In fact, because she divorced several years ago, she no longer serves in any capacity. (He had an affair and refused church or any other kind of counseling. The wife did everything she could to save their marriage. But I digress.) “I haven’t seen you in a long time!” she exclaimed. And because she was with another woman whom I did not know, I simply replied, “Oh, like all of us, I’ve been v … [Read more...]

Day 15 of 21 Days of Healing: Making It Real

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by Ellen cross posted from her blog When Church Hurts“He restores my soul.” (Brain work.)Day 15At the end of Day 14, you should have had a pretty good idea of what your perfect “ordinary” day would look like. I hope you are taking steps to make that happen.Remember, an “ordinary” day is one that happens on a regular basis – like my work week. Monday through Friday’s are my “ordinary” days and I love having a very restful, relaxing, time outside of my working and commuting hours. … [Read more...]

Day 14 of 21 Days of Healing: I’d Rather Be…

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by Ellen cross posted from her blog When Church HurtsWe have peace with God through our Lord Jesus . . . ” Romans 5:1 Think on this calming thought today.Day 14Yesterday, I talked about the “To-Don’t” list and how I took some time to just stop and rest. I took more than a day and I hope that you will, too. I rested until I was tired of resting. And once I was tired of resting, I started thinking about what I’d rather be doing. In other words, what would my day look like if I could do whatever I wanted?Because, for the longest time, I did what I thought other people wanted. Or what people told me God wanted. Whether it was doing or being, I was always focused on fulfilling othe … [Read more...]

“Un-Friending”

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by Ellen cross posted from her blog When Church HurtsYesterday, I was asked to list three things that have happened in the past year that I can celebrate. Immediately, I wrote that both of my sons graduated from college and both have jobs in their fields of study – not always an easy task these days. … [Read more...]

Day 13 of 21 Days of Healing: Making Your “To Don’t” List

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by Ellen cross posted from her blog When Church HurtsGod loves you. God loves you. God loves you. How is your brain change going?Day 13I’m sure you’ve heard those worn out lines like: Christianity is just a list of “don’t’s.” Don’t drink, smoke, swear, sleep around, lie, etc.At my first abusive church there were a lot of “don’t’s.”At my second abusive church, there were a lot of “do’s.” … [Read more...]

Day 11 of 21 Days of Healing: Getting What You Want

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by Elllen cross posted from her blog When Church HurtsWe’re half way through the 21 Days. By this time, if you are working on changing your brain and reminding yourself of how God sees you, you will start to notice that you are turning the corner and beginning to believe more of God’s truth than the lies you received from the abuse you have suffered. Keep up the good work!Day 11When I think about what I wanted from my church, the list looks like this: … [Read more...]

Gaslighting Heated Up

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by Ellen cross posted from her blog When Church HurtsYou can read Part 1 here.In my last post, I had just touched my toe to the cess pool of gaslighting and how it had impacted my experience with spiritual abuse. But then a comment on that post prodded me to delve a bit deeper into the practice of gaslighting. It wasn’t long before long-dormant memories were being stirred as I read, listened, and learned more and more about how gaslighters operate and how their behavior impacts their victims. … [Read more...]


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