Giving the Child the Rod

spanking

by Libby Anne cross posted from her blog Love, Joy, FeminismI don’t know exactly when it happened, but at some point early on my mom handed me the rod. She told me I was to spank my younger siblings if they misbehaved or broke any rules and she was not in the room. The rule was that I could spank any sibling at least five years younger than me. This meant that at ten I could spank my five-year-old sibling, and all those younger than him.Parents, don’t do this to your older kids. Please, please, just don’t. It breaks my heart because now, years and years later, my younger siblings don’t have any pleasant memories of my time with them. They tell me I was a bully, that they resented me, … [Read more...]

Quoting Quiverfull: Shy Children Must Be Trained Out Of It?

shy child girl

from No Greater Joy magazine by Shalom Pearl Brand - Three Types of Children, Part 3: Building Confidence (Steady/Servant Type) Don’t let your children be shy; help them overcome their fears and reach out to others. Observe your children and determine what is causing them to be shy. Is it only when someone talks to them, or is it all the time? Then, create an environment where you are in control and can train them to be confident. Do not push them to the point that they are afraid. … [Read more...]

The Myth of Teenage Rebellion

teenager

by LatebloomerSometimes, as my toddler and I cuddle together to read books on the couch, I can't help but imagine what our relationship might be like when he becomes a teenager.  On some days, I dread it like a slowly-approaching disaster.  On other days, I feel a sense of hope that, as I deal with my own issues, I'll be able to give him something better than I experienced.   I'm confronting my old ideas about teenagers head on, and replacing them with healthier and more accurate ideas.Growing up in fundamentalist homeschooling circles, I heard a lot about "Biblical" parenting--extreme parental authority enforced through potentially abusive levels of spanking.  Because it was "Bi … [Read more...]

Smoke & Mirrors

by VyckieLibby Anne makes an astute point in her recent post at Love, Joy, Feminism: Vision Forum focuses on problems in society, inflates them, and then blames feminism and modernity. Then Vision Forum seeks to fix the problems by turning back the clock to a time that never existed. The version of the past that Vision Forum sells is a myth. The problems we face in society today are not new. Substance abuse, the challenges of balancing motherhood and work, and the devaluation of women have always been with us. Looking back to some idealized imaginary past where families had no problems, mothers happily stayed home and devoted their time to raising their children, and women were valued … [Read more...]

No Charity in the Remnant ~ Part 8: Bull in China Shop

by Whisper Rain Whisper was taken under the wing of some of the godly people at her new church. They taught her how to sew, and how to cook the way they did... which was very different from what she was used to. She felt like there was so much she needed to learn and re-learn to be a truly godly woman, but she was willing to do it! Where would she be if she hadn't met these people? Not living the way God expected her to, that was for sure! She was so thankful God had led her to a group of people who really understood what he wanted- people who were serious about God, and who would do anything he told them to. Looking around at the average, "professing christians" living such "lukewarm" … [Read more...]

No Charity in the Remnant ~ Part 7: She Trusted Them Because She Trusted God …

by Whisper RainThe months that followed were a bit of a blur. Whisper's newfound happiness was getting attention, and she had to figure out how to explain it. People would just walk up to her out of the blue and ask her what happened, because she looked like a different person. At the time, the simplest explanation that made the most sense (in the context of the teaching in her new church) was that she had finally surrendered herself to God completely. Yes, it felt a little "off" to put it that way... it was a woeful oversimplification at best... and a complete fabrication at worst. But Whisper didn't know how to explain what had happened, so it didn't seem like such a big deal to let … [Read more...]

Sons of Patriarchy

by Libby AnneYes yes, I know I said it’s about the daughters, but it’s actually about the sons too, and here’s why: Christian Patriarchy may say its about creating the perfect godly family, but, at its heart, it’s about control. Yes, that sounds kind of harsh! Let me explain.In Christian Patriarchy, parents don’t let their children grow up and leave and make their own decisions. Instead, parents seek to control their adult children. The system only works if everyone stays in their place and does as told. The moment there is an independent thought or contrary life goal, it all falls apart.Where do the sons come into this? It’s simple. I have brothers, and while things have been much smoo … [Read more...]

A Wise Woman

[Note: For NLQ readers who have not yet joined the forum, here's a small taste of what you're missing ~ :)]by Kari Because I must be some kind of masochist, I was browsing over at the No Greater Joy site today. I came across Debi Pearl's article "A Wise Woman Builds Her House," dated May 5, 2001. After rolling my eyes repeatedly, I decided to write my own version. Mrs. Pearl's words are in black, mine are in red. A wise woman doesn’t take anything for granted. She is thankful to be loved and seeks to make herself more lovely. A wise woman doesn’t take anything for granted. She knows she is worthy of love and seeks to remember her true worth.A wise woman doesn’t allow herself to be a liabi … [Read more...]

The Beautiful Girlhood Doll ~ Part 10: I Am a Person, Not a Doll!

by Libby AnneIt has now been some years since I left my parents’ house and shifted for myself. I think my parents were somewhat surprised that I was able to make it on my own and that I did not come home asking for help, or maybe it was just me who was surprised. I found inner sources of strength I had not known I had. At the same time, my college friends, both the original evangelical ones and new ones I had met, were a wonderful source of support, and always accepted me regardless of what I did or didn’t believe. I finished college on my own, and was extremely proud at graduation.During this time I also found someone special, and I married him not long after finishing college. Because … [Read more...]

The Beautiful Girlhood Doll ~ Part 9: The Broken Doll

by Libby AnneSoon after this rethinking of my parents’ beliefs, I returned home from college for a semester break more worried than I have ever been in my life. What were my parents going to think about my new beliefs on evolution, the Bible, the pro-life movement, and female equality? For a few weeks I said nothing, afraid of what would happen when I did. But the longer I listened to my parents praising me for my steadfast beliefs and condemning evolution and liberal college professors the more I realized I couldn’t hide my changes in belief. And so I told them. I was used to being only praised and affirmed, so telling my parents about my changing beliefs was probably the hardest thing I … [Read more...]


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