Debunking the Fourteen Basic Needs of a Marriage: Introduction

by Incongruous CircumspectionI will be quoting Bill Gothard's material in this text style and my response will be in the normal text:Bill Gothard has published a manual on how a wife should meet her husband's seven basic needs, as well as how a husband should meet his wife's.  As you'll see, the latter part, directed at the husband, is highly disingenuous because, according to Bill Gothard, a marriage relationship is skewed completely toward the man.  The wife is only a cheerleading, supposedly willing, party.As Bill is notorious for, he takes anything he can find in the Bible to support any point he dreams up, disregarding the context, the era, even the writer's style, etc., and sand … [Read more...]

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Justice is No Lady: Chapter 10 My Right to Be Heard

By Tess WilloughbyNate got another partner almost immediately. He found her on a Christian dating site. Patty had money from her millionaire father and a big house paid for by the government salary of her estranged husband. Nate had told me that remarriage for me was unbiblical, but he found a loophole in Scripture and told the children that he and Patty were already married in God’s eyes. God having spoken, Nate moved into Patty’s house and put our marital home up for rent.Nate wrote me a letter warning that if I did not “come to terms” (give him full custody of the children), he would hold a big yard sale and sell off everything in the house that belonged to me and the kids. He had … [Read more...]

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Divorce as Salvation

By SierraGrowing up fundamentalist, I heard endless tirades about the importance of having a set of heterosexual parents. My mother was to be my example of submission, selflessness and homemaking. My father was to be my protector, modeling the role of my future husband. I’ll say more about some of the problems with this model in a future post.I was taught that children needed both a feminine and a masculine parental figure, that the traits of each would “balance” us somehow (even though I was expected to grow up 100% feminine). The worst possible sin against one’s children was to entertain the thought of divorcing one’s spouse.When I was 13, my parents divorced. It was awesome. … [Read more...]

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Snipped! – Part 3: Marital Problems

by Incongruous CircumspectionWhen I was about 7 years old, my parents realized that they were having marital problems.  My father knew there was a problem long before this, but he was now ready to do something about it.  They began the process of looking for a marriage counselor.  They found many.  They went to many.  But it was always the same song and dance.The marriage counselor would begin by getting the story of their marriage from both parties and then begin speaking to my father about what he could do to improve himself.  My dad, being a humble and loving gentleman, was more than happy to take sole ownership of the repairing of the marriage, but knew that doing this would only … [Read more...]

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Changes

Changesby CaluluBy now I'm sure you've noticed that I've started doing some of the posting of articles and am an admin on the NLQ message board.Why? Change is in the wind and change can be a good thing. As an artist I try to embrace change. We've all been through some heavy duty changes or we wouldn't even be on this site. To change is to grow.Recently I hurt my back, been suffering the aches of sciatica up and down both of my legs and in my back. Now in my old drinking the koolaid part-fundamental part-evangelical life I would have gone to my church's prayer warriors and they would have told me what they always told me when I got a terrible backache. They would tell me I … [Read more...]

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How the Modesty Doctrine Hurts Men, Too

by SierraI’ve written a few times about how the modesty doctrine hurts women. Now it’s time to switch lenses. The modesty doctrine also wreaks havoc on the minds of young men in the Christian patriarchy movement. Here’s how:It teaches men to be afraid of women because their sexual power is too great to be resisted. It teaches men to despise women and hampers their relationships. It teaches men to be afraid of their own bodies. It teaches men to control and criticize women in order to protect themselves. It teaches men to be paranoid about their sexual orientation. It teaches gay men that they don’t exist.(There are probably more consequences of which I’m not aware, so m … [Read more...]

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A Brief Comment on Divorce and the Bible

by SierraTherefore take heed to your spirit, and let none deal treacherously against the wife of his youth. For the LORD, the God of Israel, saith that he hateth putting away. (Malachi 2:15-16)When was the last time you looked at this verse? It’s used all the time, in the Message and in evangelical culture, to justify opposition to no-fault divorce and the rising trend of multiple marriages. “God hates divorce” is the mantra of many Christian conservatives. But have you ever thought about what this verse actually means?How did a verse that so obviously tells men to be kind to their wives and not to leave them destitute become a verse that tells women they have no right to leave … [Read more...]

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Young patriarch tells it like it is: Woman indeed is the weaker vessel; Sodomites hate God, and infiltrate churches to spit in God’s face … Am I controlling for keeping my woman away from these evil men? Then so be it.

(Trigger warning: patronizing, misogyny, homophobia...)Last night, a patriarch-in-training named "Matt" spent a lot of time reading and commenting on the NLQ FAQ: What Is Quiverfull?It's possible that Matt is a troll and his comments should be ignored or deleted - but his arguments are not at all unlike the "biblical" beliefs which I heard taught/preached regularly during my Quiverfull days. I am assuming Matt is a young man based on his immaturity and know-it-all attitude - of course, given that patriarchs rarely grow up, it's possible that he is an old man - maybe he's the pastor of an IFB church.So, without further ado - here's Matt: I take it from your post that you are … [Read more...]

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Snipped! – Part 2: My Little Years

by Incongruous CircumspectionI was born in Minneapolis as a boy.  Mama took one look at me and exclaimed, “I thought he was going to be Rebecca!”  Needless to say, I was scarred for life.  In those days, getting an ultrasound to determine the sex of a baby wasn’t a bygone decision and people essentially relied on the doctors and midwives to make educated guesses based on measurements, heart rates, and old wives tales.Yes, I was born in a hospital.  My mother birthed all seven of us children before she entered the world of Bill Gothard (Billy Boy G.), i.e. no home births.   Thus, there were no complications when she had to have an emergency C-section with my younger sister (though she … [Read more...]

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To My Shame … I think I might understand Hillary Adam’s mother

Major trigger warning for all former QF moms who read here at NLQ - :(by VyckieOkay - I told myself not to watch that Judge Adams video, cuz I knew it would be triggering - but I followed the link posted by an NLQ forum member to Pandagon, read the article - and then played the video. God help me.All I could think was - what ever must Hillary's mom have been thinking? And the horrible thing about it is that I could guess what must've been going through her mind when she actively participated in the beating of her daughter.I can remember many occasions in which my ex-husbands's abuse of the children was so intolerable - I would actually jump in and take over because I knew … [Read more...]

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