Patriarchy Across Cultures: When The Levee Breaks

 by TapatiCryin' won't help you, prayin' won't do you no good, Now, cryin' won't help you, prayin' won't do you no good, When the levee breaks, mama, you got to move.—Led Zeppelin version, original lyrics by Kansas Joe McCoy and Memphis Minnie.Previously some friends had offered me shelter at their cabin in Big Bear, a mountain community. I said a tearful goodbye to my husband Mike—now known as Mahasraya following our initiation.Their cabin was cute and had an amazing view of the snowy landscape. The main living area contained the kitchen, dining room and living room in an open floor plan. I was to sleep downstairs where there was a separate bathroom. Jayasri and I enjoyed being two … [Read more...]

It’s Complicated: Why It Wasn’t as Obvious as It Seems Like It Should Have Been

by JourneyOne thing I struggle with, as I painfully write some of the facts of my QF Patriarchal Marriage, is that the abuse wasn't as obvious as you might think. I'd venture to say that 99.9% of the people we were around had no clue. I always get a kick out of how most patriarchy supporters speak up so quickly about how they are "opposed to abuse." Are they really? Abuse always seems so stark, so obviously abusive, when you *read* about it, but in real life? Generally, not so much. For example, Mark's abusive and strange behaviors are crystal clear, the way I've written the story for NLQ, but in real life, it wasn't as easy as all that. I think that, in real life, it's never like … [Read more...]

"Go to Oregon and build an ark"

by JourneyMark said we were going to move to Oregon.  I didn’t want to move to Oregon (I hated the rain), and I told him so, but that didn’t matter.  He had heard from God.  More specifically, he had heard God tell him to, "Go to Oregon and build an ark."  What that meant, we did not know, but Mark had heard it quite clearly.  I wasn't about to argue with God.  The strange thing was that Mark regularly mocked people who "heard from God" about things.  He felt that spiritual gifts were generally abused, and that God didn't speak as much as people thought He did.  It bothered him how our mildly-charismatic church used spiritual gifts.  He thought it was indecent and uncontrolled, that t … [Read more...]

Patriarchy Acoss Cultures: From Generation to Generation

by Tapati    Grandpa Glen and Grandma Velma TallmanMy mother sounds like a horrible person as I write about her blocking my efforts to leave home, hitting me, and subsiding into depression and suicide. Of course there remains a stigma associated with mental illness and it’s difficult for most people to find compassion for people who act out when their illness is poorly managed. In the 1970s there weren’t any really good anti-depressants on the market and the ones offered to my mom came with some hefty side effects. Psychotherapy also wasn’t as sophisticated. I wonder how she would have responded to modern therapies but I can never know.Mom didn’t develop her illness in a vacuum. There i … [Read more...]

Why Did She Do That?!

Rachel Scott's crazy-making tactics on the Joy Behar Show  Look, Mimi~ I'm on TV!  LOLWhen I first received the phone call asking me to go to New York to be interviewed on the Joy Behar Show ~ I had to admit that I had no idea who Joy Behar is.  "I am still pretty culturally illiterate after all my years as a fundamentalist Quiverfuller," I explained.  "We do have cable TV now, but the kids keep it tuned to the Disney Channel."  So, I can tell you all about Demi Levato, Selena Gomez, the Jonas Brothers, Miley Cyrus ... in fact, I think I've got Hannah Montana's basic hairstyle ... :)Anyway ... I quickly brought myself up to speed on Joy ~ and on Tuesday, Nov. 3 ~ I had the opportunity t … [Read more...]

Shutting Off My Brain ~ Part 3

by JourneyAnother problem, a major problem, but one that I felt so guilty for, was that my husband was seeing another woman, and that woman was the Bible. Mark was obsessed with the Bible. I remember feeling so guilty for hating the Bible because, you know, a good Christian shouldn’t hate the Bible, right? Here I was, at Bible College, and casting dirty looks at the Bible. I felt like it was no different from him taking a lover, or being an addict, because he would read it non-stop.He didn’t want to eat dinner together. He would come home from work and class and then go into our spare bedroom and study the Bible until late into the night. I would lay there at night and quietly cry … [Read more...]

Shutting Off My Brain ~ Part 2

by JourneyWhen we got back from our honeymoon, it was so exciting to set up our new apartment on our Bible College campus. The "married dorms" seemed so big and grown-up, and I put those thoughts about our honeymoon behind me...until Mark told me the news that “God” had told him I needed to give away my car.He said were going to be a one-car couple, and that one car was going to be his old van. This was brand new news to me. I was shocked. What? I tried to bargain with him, but he would hear none of it. Again, he was the male, therefore the one who was supposed to be the “leader,” so though I pleaded, I had no choice but to do what he wanted.The books and the teachings all sai … [Read more...]

I was too wiped out and overwhelmed to enjoy the fruits of my labor

by VyckieShortly after Angel's first suicide attempt, I remember thinking to myself that all of my children were growing up without me ~ because I was much too worn down physically ~ plus what little energy I did have was all being zapped from me daily as I tried to make life with their overbearing, micro-managing, hyper-critical, narcissistic father as painless as possible for the children. Despite my efforts, they were all obviously beaten-down and discouraged to the point that we had become of family of zombies ~ excepting, of course, for Warren ~ who rather than feeling half-dead like the rest of us, seemed to have all the energy in the world ~ in fact, I believe he thrived on the … [Read more...]

Patriarchy Across Cultures: I Never Loved A Man (The Way I Love You)

by TapatiKiss me once again Don't you never, never, never say that we we're through Cause I ain't never, I ain't never I ain't never, no, no, loved a man The way that I, I love you--Ronnie Shannon (sung by Aretha Franklin)Sri Sri Rukmini-Dwarakadhish Once we arrived at my mom’s apartment, our relationship was on fast forward. We spent a few weeks together every waking moment, with my mom at work and the run of the place. We cooked together, with Mike teaching me a lot about Indian cooking. He’d been hanging out around the temple for years and had learned a lot. He was four years older than me and seemed wise beyond his years. Like me he was raised by a single mom and had previously had … [Read more...]

Vyckie's Tour de Crap ~ On Our Anniversary …

  By Vyckie    "Just smile, okay?" ~ this picture of me with Warren was taken two years ago today ~ on our 18th wedding anniversary, just before church. During the service that Sunday morning, I surprised everyone by going to the front of the church and reading aloud the following letter:On August 5, 1989, Warren and I pledged our love and our lives solely to one another in a small church in Dennison, Iowa. Just before the wedding, a tornado went through town and we couldn't help but wonder if that upheaval in the natural world might be suggestive of the commotion going on in another place. It's not that I think the devil was worried that our joining together as husband and wife was a se … [Read more...]


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