As many of you did, I read Kathryn Soper’s article about Mormon feminism with great interest. But it’s a paragraph in Claudia Bushman’s response to it that I am pondering. Bushman wrote that the feminist ideal of equal pay for equal work has contributed to an economy where it is difficult to make ends meet on one income, and that this creates a problem for Mormons who believe in the ideal of a non-working mother because it’s increasingly difficult to make it on one income. “Large families, large houses, traditional role models, and single incomes have led to some painful economic realities in current Mormon lives: bankruptcy, foreclosure, welfare. That’s not what anyone had in mind. We need some creative new role models,” she wrote.

Indeed. I have very close associates who have experienced all of those economic realities. When one paycheck simply will not allow a family to have children early and often, pay tithes and offerings, stay out of debt, and be “self reliant,” families have to make painful choices. Often they must at least temporarily let some of those ideals go. If choosing between following Church ideals and paying one’s bills is to be avoided, something needs to fundamentally change in many Mormon families. In today’s economy, are there new models to be found? I am only one person, but my life is pushing the boundaries of the ideals set forth in the Proclamation on the Family, and may provide if not a model than at least an example of diversity. So I’ll do as Claudia suggests and record my story. And to borrow a phrase from that infamous feminist Sarah Palin, I’ll answer the question, How’s that equal-y, feminist-y thing workin’ for ya?

[Read more...]

I used to be a bit of a neat freak. As a child, when it was time to clean my room, it always took 3 days because I started by reorganizing all the labeled boxes in my closet. I remember one weekend early in my marriage that my parents and siblings came to visit. In preparation for their arrival, I had carefully cleaned and tidied our small apartment. As they arrived, and removed their shoes, there was no good place for the shoes, other than at the doorway. Those shoes piled up and got under my skin, so much so that I could not fully enjoy the time with my family!

Three children later, I’ve probably swung a bit too far in the other direction. I often feel like I run from fire to fire in my housekeeping tasks. Do any of these sound familiar? [Read more...]

General Conference has come and gone, and the holidays are fast approaching, reminding me of family traditions. Our traditions are pretty low key. We go to church together. The night before General Conference, the boys sleep in a tent in our living room, making sure that the door of the tent is facing the nearest temple. We have Family Home Evening on Mondays. We eat blue pancakes for breakfast on BYU’s opening game day for football.  We read Luke 2 on Christmas Eve. And every summer, my husband and I celebrate Clutch Day.

Clutch Day is a holiday of our own making. It commemorates the day that God intervened in my life, causing the clutch in my fresh-from-the-shop Honda to fail and postponing my move to the West coast by one week. It reminds me that God knows me, He loves me, and He keeps his promises to me. It makes me want to do better. Here’s my story (the brief version):

Michael was my dream man. We dated for 6 months and then broke up. He felt strongly that it was the right thing to do. I was devastated, but took some comfort in his assurance: “God will not let your husband get married without you.” For an entire school year, we dated other people. As the year went on, our paths crossed more and more. We saw each other in group settings. We were still friends.  I finished my university coursework in April and landed my dream job in the Bay area, which would start in July. About a week before my scheduled move, I took my car to the shop to have a complete overhaul. “Check everything and fix it all,” I instructed the mechanics. They were quite thorough, and my bill reflected it. The night before my move, the clutch went out. This should never have happened, given the recent inspection and work done. However, it proved to be pivotal for the direction my life would take. I ended up staying in town an extra week, during which time, Michael and I started dating again. We got engaged that fall, and 8 weeks later, we were married.

Ten years, three kids, seven apartments, and one house later,  it is still a miracle worth remembering, and I would do it all again (only I would cry less when he broke up with me, knowing that we’d eventually end up together.)

What holidays do you celebrate? What miracles do you remember? What traditions are important to you?