One day at a time

Two weeks ago, I almost relapsed.The last time I self-injured was in February.  I have been self-injuring since I was a teenager.  It's a common behavior in people with borderline personality disorder (which is one of my diagnoses).While I haven't self-injured since the end of February, I've had urges to do so.  Being totally honest with the audience here, I usually get urges at least once a week.  I know people who have been self-injury-free for years who still occasionally get urg … [Read more...]

Tears of a clown

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In case you haven't heard, Robin Williams died on Monday, August 11th.He was, and is, my favorite actor (Jim Carrey is tied).I have only cried a handful of times in my life over celebrity death: Jim Henson, Kurt Cobain, Mister Rogers, Michael Jackson... and Robin Williams.  Robin Williams's death hit me especially hard not just because I grew up watching Mork & Mindy (back in the 20th century, when dinosaurs roamed the earth and people had iStones), and have seen and very much en … [Read more...]

Loaf-mass and me

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Last weekend was Lammas (or at least up here in the Northern Hemisphere anyway).   While I do adhere to the eightfold Wheel of the Year as observed by Wicca (though not Wiccan myself), Lammas is a particularly difficult holiday for me because it is literally "Loaf-mass", the grain festival, and wheat and barley in particular.  This is the time of year when you see over nine thousand bread recipes circulate in pagan circles, and pagan events where bread is going to be a big part of what's on the m … [Read more...]

Finding motivation

Three Points Lane, Runt's Wood by Andy Gryce.

I released a book this past Friday, entitled Visions of Vanaheim (PDF), which I previously released in 2009 under the name Svartesol - I began to work on a re-write in late 2013.  The re-write of the book - culling a significant portion of older material, revising what older material I kept, and writing a lot of new material - took a lot longer than I expected, for a lot of reasons.  During the re-write I wound up changing living situations and began to get some long-standing medical issues ad … [Read more...]

The dog days

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August approaches; most people I know love the summer... meanwhile the season is the worst time of year for me, and August most particularly.Among the mental health issues I deal with, I have summer seasonal affective disorder.  I get cranky and irritable and feel on edge; my sleep cycle gets disrupted by the increased amount of sunlight, which contributes to the worsened mood.  In addition to this, summer has several "traumaversaries" for me happening in June, July, and August - I gained a f … [Read more...]

Tough Decisions on Disabilities and Abortion

I’ve read on a few different blogs about a serious concern. As the ability to detect disabilities in fetuses continues to advance, will women be more likely to have an abortion? On one side of the argument is those mothers of disabled children who say they wouldn’t change a thing and love their children as they are. On the other hand there are women who ended their pregnancy because they didn’t think they could afford to pay the medical bills and care for another human for a lifetime.As someo … [Read more...]

When I Hit Bottom

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My husband and I were concerned that we wouldn't be able to adopt since I am a Unitarian Universalist Pagan. All of our books went under the bed, and I put simple scented candles and a large seashell on my altar. We filled out initial state papers saying I was a UU and he was Spiritual. I wondered about the legality of this, and after nine weeks of foster/adoption classes we found out we didn't have to include that information. We were honest about my PTSD and our depression.Everything was … [Read more...]

Are Americans Misled about Marijuana?

CNN’s Sanjay Gupta: Americans ‘terribly and systematically misled’ about marijuana … [Read more...]

Long Dark Contemplation of My Soul Part 2 (possible triggers)

Image: Theatrical masks of Tragedy and Comedy. Mosaic, Roman artwork, 2nd century CE. The piece can be found at the Capitoline Museum in Rome, Palazzo dei Conservatori, first floor, hall of the Horti of Mæcenas. From the Baths of Decius on the Aventine Hill, Rome. Public DomainIn The Long Dark Contemplation of My Soul Part 1, I wrote about admitting myself to a stress unit in May because I was thinking about harming myself through cutting. I knew I would be there for at least four days and … [Read more...]

The Long Dark Contemplation of My Soul Part 1

In ”Hestia at Work and Home”, I wrote about my new job. Unfortunately it lasted only two and a half months before I had a breakdown. A couple of cooks quit and my hours increased to almost full time. Because of my PTSD and epilepsy I can only handle part time work, which isn’t easy to find.It’s scary when you aren’t yourself. When this demented feeling takes over, filling you with pain and sorrow. Something in your mind fights the feeling that you aren't safe and you're going to die. At times … [Read more...]


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