One day at a time

Two weeks ago, I almost relapsed.The last time I self-injured was in February.  I have been self-injuring since I was a teenager.  It's a common behavior in people with borderline personality disorder (which is one of my diagnoses).While I haven't self-injured since the end of February, I've had urges to do so.  Being totally honest with the audience here, I usually get urges at least once a week.  I know people who have been self-injury-free for years who still occasionally get urg … [Read more...]

Gods of the world

dandelion

If you look for information on Vanatru, you will eventually run into me and my writings.  I am a pretty high-profile, well-known Vanatruar; I used to be known within the Vanatru community as Svartesol (2007-2010, back before I came out as trans).The Vanir are a pantheon of gods that are often seen as "gods of fertility", though this is oversimplifying it; "gods of nature" or "gods of agriculture" is also oversimplifying it.  In the ten years that I have been working intensively with the V … [Read more...]

A Crazy Late Night Lammas

Several years ago, my husband and I were part of a group from Missouri that was invited to a Lamas camp out. This event took place in Illinois and we didn't get there until the sun was just going down. We were left setting up our tents in the dark by feel and unsteady flashlight. After wrestling canvas and poles we followed a narrow trail through the woods toward the sound of drums and ritual voices. It led an air of mystery to the adventure. Here I was in unknown surroundings going to a … [Read more...]

Worth

Baldur, from "A Book of Myths" (1915)

From an anon on Tumblr: I’m starting to think all this “I’m a mighty woo woo genius!” and “I’m *insert deity here*’s husband/wife/partner/favorite!” stuff is just straight up [expletive]. If you’re so powerful and “in” with some supreme entity then how come you’re broke and miserable all the time? It’s like how you never meet a psychic or mind reader that’s ever won the lottery.Well...If Odin is such a powerful deity why was his beloved son Baldur killed and not able to be returned from t … [Read more...]

Loaf-mass and me

Mixed_bread_loaves

Last weekend was Lammas (or at least up here in the Northern Hemisphere anyway).   While I do adhere to the eightfold Wheel of the Year as observed by Wicca (though not Wiccan myself), Lammas is a particularly difficult holiday for me because it is literally "Loaf-mass", the grain festival, and wheat and barley in particular.  This is the time of year when you see over nine thousand bread recipes circulate in pagan circles, and pagan events where bread is going to be a big part of what's on the m … [Read more...]

Finding motivation

Three Points Lane, Runt's Wood by Andy Gryce.

I released a book this past Friday, entitled Visions of Vanaheim (PDF), which I previously released in 2009 under the name Svartesol - I began to work on a re-write in late 2013.  The re-write of the book - culling a significant portion of older material, revising what older material I kept, and writing a lot of new material - took a lot longer than I expected, for a lot of reasons.  During the re-write I wound up changing living situations and began to get some long-standing medical issues ad … [Read more...]

The dog days

800px-Maltese_dog_named_Pofak

August approaches; most people I know love the summer... meanwhile the season is the worst time of year for me, and August most particularly.Among the mental health issues I deal with, I have summer seasonal affective disorder.  I get cranky and irritable and feel on edge; my sleep cycle gets disrupted by the increased amount of sunlight, which contributes to the worsened mood.  In addition to this, summer has several "traumaversaries" for me happening in June, July, and August - I gained a f … [Read more...]


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