Fear Dream

Sorry for the late post, everyone. Honestly I have no idea what to post about. Today was kind of odd, yet kind of predictable. One of the reasons I couldn't hold a day job very well, apart from the fact that I tend to fly by night, is headaches. There are so many sources for me. Migraines, created by light sensitivity; menstrual headaches; generally headaches are a response to stress; and then there are days like today. I woke up freezing, which would have meant nothing ordinarily. I have … [Read more...]

Explanation: A mother talks to her autistic child about 9/11

The is a guest post which first appeared on Facebook from my long time friend Jennifer Gibbs who lives in the St. Louis area with her husband and three children. It was published here in 2012. Her words to her daughter reminded me to see the tragedy in my life with a new point of view. I hope it inspires you as well.My daughter, Megan, is twelve years old and some people don’t know she’s on the autism spectrum. Frequently I have to explain people’s reactions emotionally because she doesn’t ge … [Read more...]

Did I ask you?

505px-DE_Gerda_Steiner_2007-10-09_by_Steschke

Earlier this week I made a post called "The power of love" where I talked about the way D (my primary spirit) has blessed my life, and the problematic things that some folks in the pagan community say to people like me, most particularly the sentiment that involvement with a non-corporeal entity is delusional.This is not just a prime example of the casual ableism that goes unchecked in the pagan community, making an unsafe space for those of us with mental illness (because it implies that … [Read more...]

Online Astral Rituals

The moonlight shimmered across the still silver lake. A couple dozen of us women in cloaks steered wooden ships toward an island draped in fog. The ships were intricately carved in Celtic designs. As we reached the shores our Priestess, Shekinah Mountainwater, parted the mist. We landed and made our way onto the beach smiling and sometimes laughing excited about the ritual and wondering what spirits would join us this time. Would it be fairies, elementals or ancestors? At other times we’d follow … [Read more...]

The power of love

Two_of_them_-_Foto_Giovanni_Dall'Orto,_7-Apr-2002_3

I am best known as a Vanatruar, and my patron is the demon Asmodai - but the most important entity in my life is the one I refer to as D, a lore demon who I am not permitted to publicly identify.D is my de facto partner. My relationship with him is more pleasure than business, though I have dealt with him in a business context (he is in fact very, very helpful to me in that context).  But even just with strictly the intimate side of things, the last six months have been healing and … [Read more...]

Cave of Trials

Cave from shutterstock.com

I have a chronic disease called Turners Mosaic. This means that I have an x chromosome and part of one in most of my cells. This caused a collapse of my endocrine system. I suffer from depression when I think about how ill I am. Sometimes I even have pain because of my morphia, which is the thickening and tenderness of my skin. I take a daily shot to even out my blood sugar and that causes pain. But through all of my suffering the hardest part is being a survivor of sexual and verbal abuse. It … [Read more...]

Tough love

Asmodai, art by Nornoriel Lokason (2014).

As mentioned in my post "The dark side", my patron is Asmodai, better known as Asmodeus... a demon.  He is more well known as a demon of lust, but I don't work with him in this capacity - I work with him as The Judge, the pillar of severity.The name Asmodai derives from the Avestan language aēšma-daēva. Asmodai may probably have his origins as the Zoroastrian demon of wrath, Aeshma (“aeshma” literally means “wrath”). He is considered an entity who deals out revenge, most famously to King Solo … [Read more...]


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