One day at a time

Two weeks ago, I almost relapsed.The last time I self-injured was in February.  I have been self-injuring since I was a teenager.  It's a common behavior in people with borderline personality disorder (which is one of my diagnoses).While I haven't self-injured since the end of February, I've had urges to do so.  Being totally honest with the audience here, I usually get urges at least once a week.  I know people who have been self-injury-free for years who still occasionally get urg … [Read more...]

Tears of a clown

800px-Sun_hidden_in_clouds

In case you haven't heard, Robin Williams died on Monday, August 11th.He was, and is, my favorite actor (Jim Carrey is tied).I have only cried a handful of times in my life over celebrity death: Jim Henson, Kurt Cobain, Mister Rogers, Michael Jackson... and Robin Williams.  Robin Williams's death hit me especially hard not just because I grew up watching Mork & Mindy (back in the 20th century, when dinosaurs roamed the earth and people had iStones), and have seen and very much en … [Read more...]

Gods of the world

dandelion

If you look for information on Vanatru, you will eventually run into me and my writings.  I am a pretty high-profile, well-known Vanatruar; I used to be known within the Vanatru community as Svartesol (2007-2010, back before I came out as trans).The Vanir are a pantheon of gods that are often seen as "gods of fertility", though this is oversimplifying it; "gods of nature" or "gods of agriculture" is also oversimplifying it.  In the ten years that I have been working intensively with the V … [Read more...]

Worth

Baldur, from "A Book of Myths" (1915)

From an anon on Tumblr: I’m starting to think all this “I’m a mighty woo woo genius!” and “I’m *insert deity here*’s husband/wife/partner/favorite!” stuff is just straight up [expletive]. If you’re so powerful and “in” with some supreme entity then how come you’re broke and miserable all the time? It’s like how you never meet a psychic or mind reader that’s ever won the lottery.Well...If Odin is such a powerful deity why was his beloved son Baldur killed and not able to be returned from t … [Read more...]

Loaf-mass and me

Mixed_bread_loaves

Last weekend was Lammas (or at least up here in the Northern Hemisphere anyway).   While I do adhere to the eightfold Wheel of the Year as observed by Wicca (though not Wiccan myself), Lammas is a particularly difficult holiday for me because it is literally "Loaf-mass", the grain festival, and wheat and barley in particular.  This is the time of year when you see over nine thousand bread recipes circulate in pagan circles, and pagan events where bread is going to be a big part of what's on the m … [Read more...]

Finding motivation

Three Points Lane, Runt's Wood by Andy Gryce.

I released a book this past Friday, entitled Visions of Vanaheim (PDF), which I previously released in 2009 under the name Svartesol - I began to work on a re-write in late 2013.  The re-write of the book - culling a significant portion of older material, revising what older material I kept, and writing a lot of new material - took a lot longer than I expected, for a lot of reasons.  During the re-write I wound up changing living situations and began to get some long-standing medical issues ad … [Read more...]

Margot Adler

Margot-adler-2004

In the mid 90s, while I was in college, I began to doubt my Christian background. I no longer believed in a jealous god, a being who demanded worship and would send non-believers to hell. But I didn’t know what religion to study. I spoke with my religion professor, Church of Christ minister Stephanie Curran, and told her about my views and how I saw God as something that flowed through all of nature. She gave me Drawing Down the Moon: Witches, Druids, Goddess Worshippers, and Other Pagans in A … [Read more...]

The dog days

800px-Maltese_dog_named_Pofak

August approaches; most people I know love the summer... meanwhile the season is the worst time of year for me, and August most particularly.Among the mental health issues I deal with, I have summer seasonal affective disorder.  I get cranky and irritable and feel on edge; my sleep cycle gets disrupted by the increased amount of sunlight, which contributes to the worsened mood.  In addition to this, summer has several "traumaversaries" for me happening in June, July, and August - I gained a f … [Read more...]

Fields of gold

In a few days, it will be Lammas here in the Northern Hemisphere, the first harvest festival, when the grain is ready and some pagan traditions honor the dying-and-reborn god who falls to repay the land for its wealth and rises again to give abundance to the people.  Many Vanatruar (I am one) honor Ing-Frey at this time, the originator of this sacrificial rite in Vanaheim, passed to his nephew for a new generation, while Frey keeps vigil for him before going forth on his wain to bless the w … [Read more...]


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