So when a Wiccan in a coven is given that ultimatum by a spouse, and Katie’s story is not unique, they are being asked to give up both their religion and their family-by-choice all in one shot. It takes away their entire emotional and spiritual support network. Katie fought for her marriage with an attempt at joint counseling, then she fought for her faith in court, now she is reduced to just fighting daily to keep her child. Could she have taken a chance that the judge would be open-minded enough to view her religion as “real” and benign? Sure, but the risk was too great. She gave in. Katie left the coven and she no no longer goes to festivals or meets with other Pagans. She prays alone, in secret. Her husband was, and continues to, pushing hard for full custody to save his little girl from the evil inside her mother.
Since I’m not from the area and therefore low risk, I’m now sitting down with her to have a cup of chai and exchange news. We catch up on each others lives, kids, and careers. Within moments we are laughing and talking as fast as we can. The emotional turmoil of her divorce had hit her hard and threatened to stall a very promising career, but now it seems to be taking off again.
The 20 minutes we could both squeeze in to meet goes too fast. She has to get to work and I have to get back to the conference. As we both realize it’s time to go we fall silent, smiles sliding off our faces. Tears form in her eyes and I hug her as tight as I can. “Be strong, this isn’t forever. Things can change,” I whisper into her ear. “I know, but this is so hard and I’m all alone,” she whispers. I pull back so I can look into her eyes and I say this as firmly as I can, “You are not alone. The Gods are always with you. No one can take Them away and no one can control what’s in your heart and mind. Your coven prays for you at every Circle. You are not alone.”
Katie pulls herself together and tries to smile back. A quick last hug and she is off, briefcase in hand, tasteful heels clicking on the floor. I stare after her for a moment thinking what a shitty, cruel world this can be.
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Let your friend know she’s in my prayers. What a horrible situation. Shame on those who feed people fear and hate rather than strength and love!
Your friend will be in my prayers, let the godess guide her. I’m so sorry for all the small minded people in this world causing misery to loving mothers and witches like her.
It never ceases to amaze me how critical and small minded people can be. Especially those that claim to follow God/Jesus. They always seem to miss the part about benevolence. They conveniently skip over the parts of their Bible and teachings that let them live up to their full potential. Instead they use it as a tool for fear and hate mongering. Some sects/groups/branches are worse than others. [sighs] And people wonder why I’m so quiet about my religious and spiritual beliefs. I get more grief from fellow “Christians” than anyone else.
I wish your friend the best. I’d be far more afraid of how the husband would twist those kids than anything he could imagine her doing.
Blessings to her <3
I found a sticker that says”I don’t have a problem with God. It’s his fan club I can’t stand.” What a wonderful world it will be when people learn to let others live there lives as they see fit. Blessings and gentle winds to all.
Demanding that she give up her religion is abusive behavior, and acceding to unreasonable demands tends to embolden the abuser. I absolutely understand her reasoning and support her choices; she’s there and I’m not. But it seems clear to me that he isn’t going to stop. So…good wishes for her, prosperity (so she can pay lawyers), happiness and a veil of protection so she can go about her life and raise her daughter without his interference. So mote it be.
The broom closet is never an easy place to be, but especially not when you’ve been forced back into it to protect the innocent ones you love. Someone once told me that having a child means that you experience a special kind of pain because your heart will walk around outside of your body for the rest of your life. It’s amazing the things one will do to oneself to keep that little heart safe.
It isn’t a simple path and the scars from walking it will stay with you, however you do still have love and support. Look to the Gods for your strength and hold your child close as often as possible. When you feel that little heartbeat next to yours, know that it’s all going to be worth it in the end.
Stay strong, and be well. All my love,
A Closeted KitchenWitch
I had a similar decision to make once. I made the other decision. I lost my kid. I can still talk to her online and phone, but not in person. It still burns, always burns. I have no qualms about looking into the eyes of people like your friend, and saying, “If you choose my path, be aware that the loss is like death.” She’s chosen the safer path, and the less painful one. I sometimes wish I had.
I’m so sorry Allyson. So very, very sorry.
thanks for keeping me up to date on this subject.
Sent from my iPad 4G