Why I Am Leaving Paganism

After a lot of heartbreaking soul-searching, I’ve come to the realization that I am no longer Pagan. It hurts to admit this but I realize now in my heart of hearts that I no longer believe in Pagan values, Pagan Gods or the Pagan community. After years of struggling with this and trying so hard to muster up enthusiasm here at Patheos, I’ve reached a point where I can no longer continue on this path. I have to break ties, even though I know this will hurt my coven family and my readers.

The decisive moment came last night. I was deep in doubt regarding the direction of my life, my work and my personal morality. I needed the Truth. I needed to feel His love and acceptance. I needed my Creator. He who made the mountains, the trees and a midget. Yes, last night I was touched by the loving embrace of His Noodly Appendage.

All this time I have worshiped and served the God and Goddess of Wicca never realizing that I was really worshiping His Mighty Meatballs, which are larger than the meatballs of any other Deity. The Divine Polarity of the Flying Spaghetti Monster was revealed to me wrapped in it’s Noodly wonder and once you catch a whiff of His garlicky majesty you can no longer deny the Truth.

It’s so obvious that by nature I am one of His people. Persecuted for years, the decline of the Pirate (peaceful explorers outrageously defamed by mainstream religions) has had a direct correlation to the global rise in temperature. This is a scientific Fact and Indisputable. To respect his holy people I am writing this post in full Pirate regalia and I have never felt so clean and pure!

So along with embracing my inner Pirate, it seems fitting to announce my conversion on Friday, the holiest day of the week. Thank the Flying Spaghetti Monster it’s Friday and remember we are all His creatures! Honor him by having a delicious beer and declaring proudly with me, that you are a Pastafarian! CARBO DIEM!

Oh, and Happy April Fool’s Day!

About Star Foster

Polytheistic Wiccan initiated into the Ravenwood tradition, she has many opinions. Some of them are actually useful.

  • http://twitter.com/ashareem HRM

    We’ll miss you, Star. Here’s music to leave the stage by:
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KNmULx6sMo4

  • http://twitter.com/ashareem HR Mitchell

    We’ll miss you, Star. Here’s music to leave the stage by:
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KNmULx6sMo4

  • Bridey

    Haha… that was awesome.

  • Bridey

    Haha… that was awesome.

  • http://salemwitchwiles.blogspot.com/ Thomas Vallor

    XD

  • http://SalemWitchWiles.com Thomas Vallor

    XD

  • http://www.facebook.com/jannekebrouwers Janneke Brouwers

    Terrible! You really had me for a moment. I actually started thinking: have those crazy people of catholic patheos driving the fear of God in to you?

  • http://www.facebook.com/jannekebrouwers Janneke Brouwers

    Terrible! You really had me for a moment. I actually started thinking: have those crazy people of catholic patheos driving the fear of God in to you?

  • http://egregores.blogspot.com/ Apuleius Platonicus

    This was both cruel and unusual.

  • http://egregores.blogspot.com/ Apuleius Platonicus

    This was both cruel and unusual.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1542692508 Peter Dybing

    Truly a historic date and change of mind. I will have to mark on the calendar the surprising events of this day. Who had any idea events of this magnitude would occur at this time of the year? Smile!Peter

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1812701195 Chris Hansen Dragonzmajick

      Yes a date of the utmost importance…(as my son is watching Mr Noodle in the background)

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1542692508 Peter Dybing

    Truly a historic date and change of mind. I will have to mark on the calendar the surprising events of this day. Who had any idea events of this magnitude would occur at this time of the year? Smile!Peter

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1812701195 Chris Hansen Dragonzmajick

      Yes a date of the utmost importance…(as my son is watching Mr Noodle in the background)

  • http://twitter.com/MrsBsConfession MrsB

    I almost pissed my pants when I saw this. o_O

  • http://twitter.com/MrsBsConfession MrsB

    I almost pissed my pants when I saw this. o_O

  • P. Sufenas Virius Lupus

    Hail, Pastafarians! Marinara Meat!

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1812701195 Chris Hansen Dragonzmajick

      and a Blessed Bean to you too (or is that a Lentil?!?!?!)

      • P. Sufenas Virius Lupus

        Lentils is Lurvely! (But, alas, I think that’s a Third Degree greeting, and I haven’t even been pre-heated yet…!?!)

  • P. Sufenas Virius Lupus

    Hail, Pastafarians! Marinara Meat!

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1812701195 Chris Hansen Dragonzmajick

      and a Blessed Bean to you too (or is that a Lentil?!?!?!)

      • P. Sufenas Virius Lupus

        Lentils is Lurvely! (But, alas, I think that’s a Third Degree greeting, and I haven’t even been pre-heated yet…!?!)

  • guest13

    Absolutely love love love this!

  • guest13

    Absolutely love love love this!

  • Sayjburnrr

    Rolling….. LOL.!!!

  • Sayjburnrr

    Rolling….. LOL.!!!

  • Sorrymsjackson

    LMAO…When i saw the heading of this ‘article’ i thought, yep, read it, this person has something serious and worthwhile to say….i started reading and immediately thought this person has lot the plot completely and began to giggle at the absurdity of it all…by the time i read the april fools message i was laughing very loudly…thank you for the best laugh i have had all day… ;)

  • Sorrymsjackson

    LMAO…When i saw the heading of this ‘article’ i thought, yep, read it, this person has something serious and worthwhile to say….i started reading and immediately thought this person has lot the plot completely and began to giggle at the absurdity of it all…by the time i read the april fools message i was laughing very loudly…thank you for the best laugh i have had all day… ;)

  • http://threeshoutsonahilltop.blogspot.com/ gorm_sionnach

    rAmen sister!

  • http://threeshoutsonahilltop.blogspot.com/ gorm_sionnach

    rAmen!

  • gorm_sionnach

    rAmen sister!

  • gorm_sionnach

    rAmen!

  • Zebrinelady

    Impressive and brave :). I must admit you got me (and I’m not often gotten)

  • Zebrinelady

    Impressive and brave :). I must admit you got me (and I’m not often gotten)

  • Sunweaver

    Star, I must admit that I, too, have been touched by His Noodly Appendage, though I choose to worship in a way that blends His teachings with my worship of the Theoi. This is why my family has spaghetti for dinner every Sunday – a religious feast with tasty sauce! It’s why there’s pirate stuff in my lab! I embrace you as a Pastafarian sister!

    CARBO DIEM!

  • Sunweaver

    Star, I must admit that I, too, have been touched by His Noodly Appendage, though I choose to worship in a way that blends His teachings with my worship of the Theoi. This is why my family has spaghetti for dinner every Sunday – a religious feast with tasty sauce! It’s why there’s pirate stuff in my lab! I embrace you as a Pastafarian sister!

    CARBO DIEM!

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Tempus-Loghyr/726800152 Tempus Loghyr

    I deny the flying Spahetti Monster and proclaim the great Oreo as the Supreme being. All Hail the awesomeness of the blessed Double Stuff..

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Tempus-Loghyr/726800152 Tempus Loghyr

    I deny the flying Spahetti Monster and proclaim the great Oreo as the Supreme being. All Hail the awesomeness of the blessed Double Stuff..

  • Welthar

    very brave; most would not admit touching his noodle.

  • Welthar

    very brave; most would not admit touching his noodle.

  • Kat4tully

    That was a good one!

  • Kat4tully

    That was a good one!

  • Pagolesher

    Ramen. Welcome to the Plate, Sister! May your sauce be tomatoe-y with just a touch of oregano, and may your noodles never clump!

  • Pagolesher

    Ramen. Welcome to the Plate, Sister! May your sauce be tomatoe-y with just a touch of oregano, and may your noodles never clump!

  • Wanderingleprechaun

    The one great thing about being a pastafarian is you get to be with a bunch of saucy tomatoes.

  • Wanderingleprechaun

    The one great thing about being a pastafarian is you get to be with a bunch of saucy tomatoes.

  • http://www.facebook.com/bspackman Ben Spackman

    Excellent :)

  • http://www.facebook.com/bspackman Ben Spackman

    Excellent :)

  • Pat68

    And I was all ready to forward this post to my Christian friends. :)

    • http://www.facebook.com/joseph.a.moody Joseph A Moody

      Do it any way.

  • Anonymous

    And I was all ready to forward this post to my Christian friends. :)

    • http://www.facebook.com/joseph.a.moody Joseph A Moody

      Do it any way.

  • teo715

    Now I’m craving spaghetti…is it wrong to want to eat your Deity? lol

    • http://pagancollegestudent.blogspot.com/ WarriorPrincessDanu

      I guess not. Christians do it all the time :P

  • teo715

    Now I’m craving spaghetti…is it wrong to want to eat your Deity? lol

    • http://pagancollegestudent.blogspot.com/ WarriorPrincessDanu

      I guess not. Christians do it all the time :P

  • Atiyanna

    bahahahaha! I have never seen your blog before, but this certainly has made me start reading. Thanks for the giggle.

  • Atiyanna

    bahahahaha! I have never seen your blog before, but this certainly has made me start reading. Thanks for the giggle.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100000094990696 Susan Yee

    I KNEW it….good one!

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100000094990696 Susan Yee

    I KNEW it….good one!

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100000094990696 Susan Yee

    ha ha…as I was reading, I suspected April Fool’s Day….good one!

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100000094990696 Susan Yee

    ha ha…as I was reading, I suspected April Fool’s Day….good one!

  • Samature

    That was too funny! I was picturing flying meatballs and you in a flowing dress! l.o.l.

  • Samature

    That was too funny! I was picturing flying meatballs and you in a flowing dress! l.o.l.

  • Ashlee

    *wishes to be touched by His Noodly Appendage*

  • Ashlee

    *wishes to be touched by His Noodly Appendage*

  • Kilmrnock

    good one star , forgetting what today was ……….you had me giong there , and beginning to lament loosing you , till i got to the end of this nonsense Kilm

  • Kilmrnock

    good one star , forgetting what today was ……….you had me giong there , and beginning to lament loosing you , till i got to the end of this nonsense Kilm

  • Deirdre Hebert

    I’m deeply touched and moved.
    This wouldn’t have anything to do with your recent interview? Did you feel noodled by the host?

  • Deirdre Hebert

    I’m deeply touched and moved.
    This wouldn’t have anything to do with your recent interview? Did you feel noodled by the host?

  • http://profiles.google.com/immamalicious Rachel Wright

    OMG you had me going thanks for the heart attack!!!

  • http://profiles.google.com/immamalicious Rachel Wright

    OMG you had me going thanks for the heart attack!!!

  • Shira

    Awesome.

  • Shira

    Awesome.

  • Bigfiregoddess

    I only love the meatballs.. LOL!!!!!!!!!!… Micha

  • Bigfiregoddess

    I only love the meatballs.. LOL!!!!!!!!!!… Micha

  • MadJackFlynnt

    Okay… now, that was just about the best April Fool’s I’ve seen yet today! Carbo Diem to you, too!

  • Theodyn GreyWolfe

    Okay… now, that was just about the best April Fool’s I’ve seen yet today! Carbo Diem to you, too!

  • http://twitter.com/XipeToltec Lisa-Marie Romano

    This makes me smile. And Hungry! For spaghetti as well as knowledge. :)

  • http://twitter.com/XipeToltec Lisa-Marie Romano

    This makes me smile. And Hungry! For spaghetti as well as knowledge. :)

  • Pitch313

    But the Delicious Sauce if All Truth coats the al dente flesh of Ziti, the Pasata Who Will Save us!!! FSM is a poseur Pasta.

  • Pitch313

    But the Delicious Sauce if All Truth coats the al dente flesh of Ziti, the Pasata Who Will Save us!!! FSM is a poseur Pasta.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1812701195 Chris Hansen Dragonzmajick

    Well done Star, Ya had me goin for asecond there even after I saw the first Flying Spaghetti Monster pic it still didn’t hit me. BTW I believe I may be a P.I.R.A.T.E. too….Rock on our Pagan sister, Rock and Happy April Fools to you too!

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1812701195 Chris Hansen Dragonzmajick

    Well done Star, Ya had me goin for asecond there even after I saw the first Flying Spaghetti Monster pic it still didn’t hit me. BTW I believe I may be a P.I.R.A.T.E. too….Rock on our Pagan sister, Rock and Happy April Fools to you too!

  • Awolfewoman

    Amen! Pasta forever, tomato sauce whenever. ; )

  • Awolfewoman

    Amen! Pasta forever, tomato sauce whenever. ; )

  • R Mikulas

    My nose is killing me from all the Pepsi that went flying out when I read this… Good luck to you and his noodlyness! RAmen!

  • R Mikulas

    My nose is killing me from all the Pepsi that went flying out when I read this… Good luck to you and his noodlyness! RAmen!

  • http://www.facebook.com/acastillo1962 Antonio M. Castillo

    OMGs, that’s awesome, Star! LMAO!

  • http://www.facebook.com/acastillo1962 Antonio M. Castillo

    OMGs, that’s awesome, Star! LMAO!

  • http://profiles.google.com/lavender.blind Kathleen Smith

    Hahahah!

  • http://deadened-glow.deviantart.com/ Kat S

    Hahahah!

  • Poysinivy

    OMG, this is too funny..

  • Poysinivy

    OMG, this is too funny..

  • Anonymous

    Thank you for a belly laugh that shook the very core of my shiritaki noodles and meatless balls!! LOL…April fool’s indeed….

  • aplaceforall

    Thank you for a belly laugh that shook the very core of my shiritaki noodles and meatless balls!! LOL…April fool’s indeed….

  • Thewitchescupboard

    That was just delicious! lol

  • Thewitchescupboard

    That was just delicious! lol

  • Wendy, the NOT so good Witch

    OMG!!! Star, you are freaking amazing!

  • Wendy, the NOT so good Witch

    OMG!!! Star, you are freaking amazing!

  • http://profiles.google.com/chris.highland Chris Highland

    A good laugh with this. I’ll have to pass it along to my students at Cherry Hill Seminary. Thanks!

  • http://profiles.google.com/chris.highland Chris Highland

    A good laugh with this. I’ll have to pass it along to my students at Cherry Hill Seminary. Thanks!


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