May 2nd is International Pagan Coming Out Day. A day when folks who choose to come out regarding their religion will find a whole network of folks to support and encourage them.
I’m about as out as it gets but I know at least one person who is planning to come out to friends and family. I’m proud and honored to be acquainted with them. They have my support and I’m here if they need to talk.
Maybe you’re thinking of coming out on May 2nd. Maybe to one friend, maybe to your whole family, maybe to your neighbor.
Friends make coming out easier. (Dusty Smith - Flickr CC)
Maybe you know someone who’s planning to come out. You’re offering to stand next to them, hold their hand, be on call, take them out to lunch after or have a cold beer and good movie on standby in case they need some comfort and relaxation.
In either case, I’m proud of you. It’s a hard thing to do, coming out to folks who expect you to conform to mainstream religious culture. It’s an important thing, to simply stand supportively by a friend who is choosing to be more open about their life.
Maybe you’ll have a Coming Out Party. Maybe you’ll sit around that evening processing the Coming Out experience over Beltane feast leftovers.
Maybe you can’t come out due to work, custody issues or other considerations. Maybe you need to stay in the “broom closet” and your contribution is providing a friendly ear and hugs for those who can come out. Maybe you need to counsel a friend about the wisdom of coming out if it might adversely affect them.
How you participate in Pagan Coming Out Day is your choice. There is no one right answer for everyone. Yet also know that every time a good friend or loved one reveals they are Pagan it creates a new consciousness within those you come out to.
Suddenly my best friend of 5 years, who is a warm loving person and godmother to my children is Pagan. So Pagans must be like her.
The nice guy that has been coaching my son’s t-ball team and taught my son to pitch is Asatru, so that must be a family friendly faith.
No wonder my cousin stood by me when I announced I was gay. He’s been a Druid for years and we never knew.
I was in shock when my daughter told me she was a Witch, but I had lunch with people from her coven and I’m glad she’s surrounded herself with nice, kind and responsible people.
If you plan to come out on May 2nd to any extent, reach out to your Pagan friends for support. Let the leaders of your coven, kindred, grove or circle know. If you know someone else who is coming out, plan to support each other. Invite your support network into your coming out.
If you know someone who is coming out on May 2nd, take steps to support them. If you are out offer to stand by them, to meet their family and friends and help remind them that this doesn’t change their son/daughter/sister/brother/cousin/friend from who they were the day before, it simply explains what helps make them an amazing person and informs their values. If you are in the closet then be supportive in quieter ways. Send an e-mail or text message of encouragement. Invite them out to a movie or dancing in order to let go of any tension that the day may hold.
Coming out as a Pagan is a big deal and not a decision to be made lightly. It’s not something you have to do alone. For more information and resources check out the official website for International Pagan Coming Out Day. Be sure to “Like” their Facebook page and make sure you state support of IPCOD if you can via social media, like Facebook and Twitter!
I would encourage everyone to take the step of coming out, at least to your own family and close friends. Concealing something so basic about who you are really is toxic and will sharply limit your growth in whatever spiritual path you are on.
If you do any kind of spell work, you know that thought forms have power, and living in fear and secrecy feeds the power of those who seek to oppress us. You’re literally handing your power over to others. (If I wanted to do that, I’d become and Evangelical, a Scientologist, or I’d simply have stayed Catholic!).
I don’t think we all have to become media spokespeople or go around with giant pentacles hanging from our necks, but you shouldn’t have to lie about who you are to your closest circle of people. Believe it or not, most of them do get used to it. The ones who don’t, you’re usually better off not having in your life anyway.
I would encourage everyone to take the step of coming out, at least to your own family and close friends. Concealing something so basic about who you are really is toxic and will sharply limit your growth in whatever spiritual path you are on.
If you do any kind of spell work, you know that thought forms have power, and living in fear and secrecy feeds the power of those who seek to oppress us. You’re literally handing your power over to others. (If I wanted to do that, I’d become and Evangelical, a Scientologist, or I’d simply have stayed Catholic!).
I don’t think we all have to become media spokespeople or go around with giant pentacles hanging from our necks, but you shouldn’t have to lie about who you are to your closest circle of people. Believe it or not, most of them do get used to it. The ones who don’t, you’re usually better off not having in your life anyway.
i have always felt drawn to the pagan faith. i have read books and really connect with what the belief system is. i would like to learn more and become an active coven member. if there is anyone who would consider helping me become more active and school me, i would like to learn. my email address is tltyler1970@hotmail.com
I don’t know what your specific spiritual needs are, but here in town, we have a local rock shop (crystals and stones, not music) that sells all manner of pagan books and paraphernalia. Chances are, there’s a place like this somewhere near you. That would be a good place to look for like-minded people.
If you’re a student at a university, it would definitely be worthwhile to look into whether or not there’s a student pagan organization on campus.
I wish you the best of fortune in finding your local community.
i have always felt drawn to the pagan faith. i have read books and really connect with what the belief system is. i would like to learn more and become an active coven member. if there is anyone who would consider helping me become more active and school me, i would like to learn. my email address is tltyler1970@hotmail.com
I don’t know what your specific spiritual needs are, but here in town, we have a local rock shop (crystals and stones, not music) that sells all manner of pagan books and paraphernalia. Chances are, there’s a place like this somewhere near you. That would be a good place to look for like-minded people.
If you’re a student at a university, it would definitely be worthwhile to look into whether or not there’s a student pagan organization on campus.
I wish you the best of fortune in finding your local community.
I’m as out as out gets and it’s still a somewhat frightening experience to *be* out, especially here in the South.
For those whose voices are silenced by fear, I’m going to say “I am a Pagan” until there’s nobody who is afraid to say it. I’m going to say it loud and I’m going to say it in front of all kinds of people.
The Muslim women I know wear their faith for everyone to see in an environment that’s hostile to them. Well, that same environment is hostile to me as a Pagan and I hope that I can be as fearless as they.
About two years ago, when the State of Colorado sent around an “employee demographics” survey, one of the options offered under religion was “Pagan”. I think it was the first time in twenty-some years as a state employee that I didn’t have to check “other.”
I’ve been “out” to my office for years, and several (non-Pagan) people in my division contributed to a “food & funds” drive our local ADF Grove held for a Womens’ Shelter last fall.
I’m in Tennessee and it’s going to be a long time before that happens here, but I already feel like we’re making progress. I’m the founding member of a Women’s interfaith group and we’ve got members in a wide range of religions from Atheist to Methodist to Christian Scientist to Muslim to various Pagan faiths. We’re working on a project to help victims of domestic violence right now because we’ve realized we can do more together than we can separately.
One of the lovely Muslim women said “We try to understand the differences among us, and it’s leading us to see, feel, appreciate, and value the sameness within us.”
My only hope is that all pagans out there can be blessed to be among people who feel this way, no matter what their religion or their deity may be.
Coming out is frightening. Being out can be scary, but if I can do this in Tennessee, anyone can. I do it for my little girl who is growing up Pagan, I do it for the college students who are just finding their way, I do it for the person who is afraid she’s going to get fired if her coworkers know or for the mom who’s afraid that her children will be taken away from her.
I’ll come off my soapbox now. I’m just… tired of having to hide my religion. We shouldn’t have to.
You’re quite right: we shouldn’t have to hide. Any of us. Choosing not to discuss one’s private life is quite different from being unable to be forthright about it, due to possible/probable consequences.
I know well that I am in a much better situation than many.
So say we all.
I’m as out as out gets and it’s still a somewhat frightening experience to *be* out, especially here in the South.
For those whose voices are silenced by fear, I’m going to say “I am a Pagan” until there’s nobody who is afraid to say it. I’m going to say it loud and I’m going to say it in front of all kinds of people.
The Muslim women I know wear their faith for everyone to see in an environment that’s hostile to them. Well, that same environment is hostile to me as a Pagan and I hope that I can be as fearless as they.
About two years ago, when the State of Colorado sent around an “employee demographics” survey, one of the options offered under religion was “Pagan”. I think it was the first time in twenty-some years as a state employee that I didn’t have to check “other.”
I’ve been “out” to my office for years, and several (non-Pagan) people in my division contributed to a “food & funds” drive our local ADF Grove held for a Womens’ Shelter last fall.
I’m in Tennessee and it’s going to be a long time before that happens here, but I already feel like we’re making progress. I’m the founding member of a Women’s interfaith group and we’ve got members in a wide range of religions from Atheist to Methodist to Christian Scientist to Muslim to various Pagan faiths. We’re working on a project to help victims of domestic violence right now because we’ve realized we can do more together than we can separately.
One of the lovely Muslim women said “We try to understand the differences among us, and it’s leading us to see, feel, appreciate, and value the sameness within us.”
My only hope is that all pagans out there can be blessed to be among people who feel this way, no matter what their religion or their deity may be.
Coming out is frightening. Being out can be scary, but if I can do this in Tennessee, anyone can. I do it for my little girl who is growing up Pagan, I do it for the college students who are just finding their way, I do it for the person who is afraid she’s going to get fired if her coworkers know or for the mom who’s afraid that her children will be taken away from her.
I’ll come off my soapbox now. I’m just… tired of having to hide my religion. We shouldn’t have to.
You’re quite right: we shouldn’t have to hide. Any of us. Choosing not to discuss one’s private life is quite different from being unable to be forthright about it, due to possible/probable consequences.
I know well that I am in a much better situation than many.
So say we all.
I have two ways of dealing with comming out. To genuinely interested people who are open minded that will respect my privacy i will come out so we can share things. The rest get my standard reply; sex and religion are private matters.
I have two ways of dealing with comming out. To genuinely interested people who are open minded that will respect my privacy i will come out so we can share things. The rest get my standard reply; sex and religion are private matters.
I sort of “seeped” out at work, as was pleasently surprised at the postitive response I recieved. Now, if I could just stop the ‘dancing naked under the full moon’ jokes..(no malice involved)..
I sort of “seeped” out at work, as was pleasently surprised at the postitive response I recieved. Now, if I could just stop the ‘dancing naked under the full moon’ jokes..(no malice involved)..
I am hosting Beltane here at my house with the Maypole in the driveway … the neighbors will certainly hear us … so if they did not know before they will certainly know then!
YAY! I wish I could pull something like that off, and invite the neighbours too. But as far as I know I am the only one here in my new little community (pop 900) who identifies as Pagan, even though there is a large population of First Nations who publicly celebrate Native Spirituality (which is a tourist attraction here, especially on Solstice – National Aboriginal Day) and some Santerians who don’t identify as Pagan but still keep it on the down low. I still have the itch to have a maypole and celebrate. I miss my fellow Pagans in the community I moved from who I would of been celebrating with this year.
I personally am only out with my friends and was with some of my co-workers before I moved. My one co-worker initially didn’t want to work with me afterwords, but got over the initial shock and we continued to banter like we did before. My boss was really good about not thinking twice when I requested certain days off for holidays. But I am in conflict if I should come out to my fundamental christian parents. I don’t call often and when I do it gets torn to bits as to why I called before we can have a decent conversation. I feel like calling on May 2nd and when asked just saying that it is Pagan Coming Out Day. I would almost like to see the look on their faces but would like to keep my distance when their faces then quickly turn red.
I prefer to get to know people and let the subject bring itself up. Unfortunately it comes up most often with Christian groups, but I still don’t hold back when asked. I was going to tell my parents the one time I was directly asked, but then my father stepped in with, “but of course she is…” and let them take the subject away as quickly as it came. I think they “know” I don’t follow a christian path, but I think they don’t want to admit it to themselves because I think they’d feel that they failed as Christian parents. Is it worth it then? Would it just cause more harm than good in that case, and just let the right time come up when they are seriously ready to ask? I mean, they are on facebook and I have it blazingly out there that I’m Reformed Druid & a Seeker of Ehoah. I know that a lot of people knew when I visited last Winter holidays as I was treated differently, or was it just one of those times when people simple grow apart over time?
Now that I notice that I am ranting, I’ll just leave off here and see what you fine people think.
I am hosting Beltane here at my house with the Maypole in the driveway … the neighbors will certainly hear us … so if they did not know before they will certainly know then!
YAY! I wish I could pull something like that off, and invite the neighbours too. But as far as I know I am the only one here in my new little community (pop 900) who identifies as Pagan, even though there is a large population of First Nations who publicly celebrate Native Spirituality (which is a tourist attraction here, especially on Solstice – National Aboriginal Day) and some Santerians who don’t identify as Pagan but still keep it on the down low. I still have the itch to have a maypole and celebrate. I miss my fellow Pagans in the community I moved from who I would of been celebrating with this year.
I personally am only out with my friends and was with some of my co-workers before I moved. My one co-worker initially didn’t want to work with me afterwords, but got over the initial shock and we continued to banter like we did before. My boss was really good about not thinking twice when I requested certain days off for holidays. But I am in conflict if I should come out to my fundamental christian parents. I don’t call often and when I do it gets torn to bits as to why I called before we can have a decent conversation. I feel like calling on May 2nd and when asked just saying that it is Pagan Coming Out Day. I would almost like to see the look on their faces but would like to keep my distance when their faces then quickly turn red.
I prefer to get to know people and let the subject bring itself up. Unfortunately it comes up most often with Christian groups, but I still don’t hold back when asked. I was going to tell my parents the one time I was directly asked, but then my father stepped in with, “but of course she is…” and let them take the subject away as quickly as it came. I think they “know” I don’t follow a christian path, but I think they don’t want to admit it to themselves because I think they’d feel that they failed as Christian parents. Is it worth it then? Would it just cause more harm than good in that case, and just let the right time come up when they are seriously ready to ask? I mean, they are on facebook and I have it blazingly out there that I’m Reformed Druid & a Seeker of Ehoah. I know that a lot of people knew when I visited last Winter holidays as I was treated differently, or was it just one of those times when people simple grow apart over time?
Now that I notice that I am ranting, I’ll just leave off here and see what you fine people think.
Something that was passed around at an LGBT Support Group I used to go to: do not feel you have to be out just because people put it out there. This is a hugely personal choice, and if you make it or not, you need to make it for you. If you need to stay in the closet, for whatever reason, feel no shame. You are responding to your own situation as you need to.
I might be out and proud, but that may not work for everyone, and recognizing that people need their own time and space for that is crucial, even if they never make the decision to make that choice.
Something that was passed around at an LGBT Support Group I used to go to: do not feel you have to be out just because people put it out there. This is a hugely personal choice, and if you make it or not, you need to make it for you. If you need to stay in the closet, for whatever reason, feel no shame. You are responding to your own situation as you need to.
I might be out and proud, but that may not work for everyone, and recognizing that people need their own time and space for that is crucial, even if they never make the decision to make that choice.