Lemony Snicket Weighs In On Occupy Wall Street

In his inimitable way, Lemony Snicket has made 13 observations about Occupy Wall Street. As I am a fan of lists containing 13 items, I thought I would share this with you here:

“Thirteen Observations made by Lemony Snicket while watching Occupy Wall Street from a Discreet Distance.”

1. If you work hard, and become successful, it does not necessarily mean you are successful because you worked hard, just as if you are tall with long hair it doesn’t mean you would be a midget if you were bald.

2. “Fortune” is a word for having a lot of money and for having a lot of luck, but that does not mean the word has two definitions.

3. Money is like a child—rarely unaccompanied. When it disappears, look to those who were supposed to be keeping an eye on it while you were at the grocery store. You might also look for someone who has a lot of extra children sitting around, with long, suspicious explanations for how they got there.

4. People who say money doesn’t matter are like people who say cake doesn’t matter—it’s probably because they’ve already had a few slices.

5. There may not be a reason to share your cake. It is, after all, yours. You probably baked it yourself, in an oven of your own construction with ingredients you harvested yourself. It may be possible to keep your entire cake while explaining to any nearby hungry people just how reasonable you are.

6. Nobody wants to fall into a safety net, because it means the structure in which they’ve been living is in a state of collapse and they have no choice but to tumble downwards. However, it beats the alternative.

7. Someone feeling wronged is like someone feeling thirsty. Don’t tell them they aren’t. Sit with them and have a drink.

8. Don’t ask yourself if something is fair. Ask someone else—a stranger in the street, for example.

9. People gathering in the streets feeling wronged tend to be loud, as it is difficult to make oneself heard on the other side of an impressive edifice.

10. It is not always the job of people shouting outside impressive buildings to solve problems. It is often the job of the people inside, who have paper, pens, desks, and an impressive view.

11. Historically, a story about people inside impressive buildings ignoring or even taunting people standing outside shouting at them turns out to be a story with an unhappy ending.

12. If you have a large crowd shouting outside your building, there might not be room for a safety net if you’re the one tumbling down when it collapses.

13. 99 percent is a very large percentage. For instance, easily 99 percent of people want a roof over their heads, food on their tables, and the occasional slice of cake for dessert. Surely an arrangement can be made with that niggling 1 percent who disagree.

About Star Foster

Polytheistic Wiccan initiated into the Ravenwood tradition, she has many opinions. Some of them are actually useful.

  • Patricia Catmomma

    good one

  • Patricia Catmomma

    good one

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_U7T2CX36O4JIYU4QHS6W3GNJAE Eric

    Simplistic. Like the protesters that he supports, Mr. Snicket has a very narrow view of individual freedom. You’re free so long as you don’t get too far ahead of everyone else. Charity isn’t charity if it is done by force. Rather than protesting the wealthy or Wall Street, they should be protesting the government who bails them out. But they won’t, because they want government to be their ally, to be the bully that bails them out and makes others pay for it. Having the freedom to succeed also means having the freedom to fail, and while no one wants to fail, everyone wants to win. Being the majority does not give one the right to crush the property rights of a minority. Even if only one person controlled 40% of the country’s wealth, it would STILL not give us the right to take away his money. Our need would not trump his rights. Beware of people who want to do the wrong things for the “right” reasons. They are never satisfied until they take it all.

    • Rey

      Perfect! You sound like the perfect lawyer for the feudal lords, or maybe even Louis XVI. Your client, who owns all the land in the country and all of the money, has no obligations to provide anything for those pathetic serfs.

      It seems like you believe in the absolute “right” to ownership. What other absolute, inalienable rights do you believe in? If an absolute right to liberty justifies the absolute neglect of others in society, what duty does the rest of society have to protect you (and your money)?

      Most people believe in the rule of law and the guarantee of contracts, lest there be chaos. But this contract among people is actually dependent on enough people willing to play along. And at the end of the day, if this contract only serves the needs of the very few, then tell me, what is stopping everyone else from calling it quits?

      You call this simplistic. Others have called this class warfare. In truth, I think you’re scared of what happens when angry people don’t want to play along any more.

    • Windweaver

      I guess you probably feel that Corruption isn’t corruption if it’s done by bankers, or big corporations then… The people occupying Wall Street are there because they want the corruption brought on by big business buying the people that run our government, to stop. People who earn their money honestly are a good thing. People that take OUR money that has been given to them by the government to protect the interests of the people that invested, and use that money to give themselves bonuses and then look down their noses at us, didn’t earn that money. They stole it from us, and need to give it back.

      The problem is that the bankers think the government is there for their convenience, not to serve the people of the United States that elected them. That’s what the protests are about!

    • DragonBreath

      Your last sentence; They are never satisified until they take it all. Are you refering to the corrupt politicians, the 1%, wall street, big banks, big corporations, the koch bros et al?

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Kyrie-Eleison/100000694223108 Kyrie Eleison

      “But they won’t, because they want government to be their ally, to be the
      bully that bails them out and makes others pay for it. Having the
      freedom to succeed also means having the freedom to fail, and while no
      one wants to fail, everyone wants to win.” Um… you do realize who this applies to as of now, right? Either you are seriously confused or you are the biggest hypocrite to ever walk the earth.

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_U7T2CX36O4JIYU4QHS6W3GNJAE Eric

    Simplistic. Like the protesters that he supports, Mr. Snicket has a very narrow view of individual freedom. You’re free so long as you don’t get too far ahead of everyone else. Charity isn’t charity if it is done by force. Rather than protesting the wealthy or Wall Street, they should be protesting the government who bails them out. But they won’t, because they want government to be their ally, to be the bully that bails them out and makes others pay for it. Having the freedom to succeed also means having the freedom to fail, and while no one wants to fail, everyone wants to win. Being the majority does not give one the right to crush the property rights of a minority. Even if only one person controlled 40% of the country’s wealth, it would STILL not give us the right to take away his money. Our need would not trump his rights. Beware of people who want to do the wrong things for the “right” reasons. They are never satisfied until they take it all.

    • Rey

      Perfect! You sound like the perfect lawyer for the feudal lords, or maybe even Louis XVI. Your client, who owns all the land in the country and all of the money, has no obligations to provide anything for those pathetic serfs.

      It seems like you believe in the absolute “right” to ownership. What other absolute, inalienable rights do you believe in? If an absolute right to liberty justifies the absolute neglect of others in society, what duty does the rest of society have to protect you (and your money)?

      Most people believe in the rule of law and the guarantee of contracts, lest there be chaos. But this contract among people is actually dependent on enough people willing to play along. And at the end of the day, if this contract only serves the needs of the very few, then tell me, what is stopping everyone else from calling it quits?

      You call this simplistic. Others have called this class warfare. In truth, I think you’re scared of what happens when angry people don’t want to play along any more.

    • Windweaver

      I guess you probably feel that Corruption isn’t corruption if it’s done by bankers, or big corporations then… The people occupying Wall Street are there because they want the corruption brought on by big business buying the people that run our government, to stop. People who earn their money honestly are a good thing. People that take OUR money that has been given to them by the government to protect the interests of the people that invested, and use that money to give themselves bonuses and then look down their noses at us, didn’t earn that money. They stole it from us, and need to give it back.

      The problem is that the bankers think the government is there for their convenience, not to serve the people of the United States that elected them. That’s what the protests are about!

    • DragonBreath

      Your last sentence; They are never satisified until they take it all. Are you refering to the corrupt politicians, the 1%, wall street, big banks, big corporations, the koch bros et al?

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Kyrie-Eleison/100000694223108 Kyrie Eleison

      “But they won’t, because they want government to be their ally, to be the
      bully that bails them out and makes others pay for it. Having the
      freedom to succeed also means having the freedom to fail, and while no
      one wants to fail, everyone wants to win.” Um… you do realize who this applies to as of now, right? Either you are seriously confused or you are the biggest hypocrite to ever walk the earth.

  • Anonymous

    Thanks- love the droll humor of Daniel Handler.  His books are quite wonderful & I am always amazed at how otherwise intelligent adults fail to “get it” when any 9-year old will.  I heard an interview with him a while ago, he is witty & wonderful.

    • http://twitter.com/whitestagforest Aine Llewellyn

      I recently almost got through ‘A Series of Unfortunate Events’ (and the only reason I didn’t was because one of the books was missing from the library!), and I enjoy it so much.  Planning on getting the books for my little brother once he gets older because…they’re wonderful.

  • LezlieKinyon

    Thanks- love the droll humor of Daniel Handler.  His books are quite wonderful & I am always amazed at how otherwise intelligent adults fail to “get it” when any 9-year old will.  I heard an interview with him a while ago, he is witty & wonderful.

    • http://twitter.com/whitestagforest Aine Llewellyn

      I recently almost got through ‘A Series of Unfortunate Events’ (and the only reason I didn’t was because one of the books was missing from the library!), and I enjoy it so much.  Planning on getting the books for my little brother once he gets older because…they’re wonderful.


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