I got a letter of encouragement from a reader regarding my crisis of faith. It was a nice letter, and I have been touched by everyone who has reached out privately and shared their story with me. In responding, I got carried away with the words. That happens to me from time to time. So even though I wrote this to one specific person, I feel a bit like I wrote it to all of my readers. So I’m sharing it with you now.
Good morning _____!
Thank you so much for this note of encouragement! And for sharing your story!
I think my crisis had been going on for longer than the recent deepening. Likely it had been going on since my teens. I was raised with a religious background and it took a lot to process that, even years after finding Paganism.
Finding your spiritual roots is a tough business. Often you can’t tell if something fits you until you have tried it on and walked around in it for awhile. That is incredibly disheartening and frustrating.
But there is hope! My crisis finally ended, I think for good. I had a series of small spiritual revelations that parted the clouds. Of course, all of that is very personal and probably not much use to you. What I can share is the process that led me there.
What is your higher purpose? Not what you think it should be, or what people expect it to be. Put aside the idea of Paganism for a minute, because that comes with it’s own set of assumptions. Don’t even think about religion. Think about what you uniquely possess and can share. What only you can do. What perspectives you have that are unique to you. What do you want to do with this uniqueness that is you?
Then think about what takes you toward that. How to embrace that. And THEN, and only then, think about what you need spiritually that will take you there. What has worked in the past or sounds like it will work for the future. Not what spirituality that you want or you think is socially acceptable, but what you think will work for you and what makes you unique. Don’t worry about what other people will think.
Maybe you’re a songwriter who’s been interested in Dianic Wicca, and then you take stock of your life and realize OBOD has what you need. Or maybe you’re struggling to create a feminine space for yourself within religio Romana and after taking stock of your higher purpose, you realize you’re meant to be a Dianic Wiccan. Perhaps you’re transgender or gay or disabled or conservative and you’re fighting to fit into some tradition that makes it difficult for you. Ain’t nothing wrong with fighting the good fight. But are you getting what you need? Or are you fighting for what you think you should have?
Whatever you’re doing, however noble or admirable it is, if it isn’t giving you what you need then it’s not worth it. Life is short and most martyrs aren’t remembered.
Like Gaia Consort/Bone Poets Orchestra says, “It takes a lot of courage to get what you NEED.”
And I think I just wrote today’s blog post instead of responding to your e-mail. But I appreciate your kind words and thank you for reaching out. I hope the clouds part for you soon!