Re-post: I am Not My Parents

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This post was originally published in May of 2011. I'll admit, I still go back to read this post on occasion. Because the fear of hurting my kids is so overwhelming at times, I need that reminder that I am not doomed to repeat the past, that change is not only possible, it is already happening.    This post has been finished for weeks, but for some reason I haven’t felt brave enough to post it. I can’t find anything else to tweak, so here I am closing my eyes and hitting publish.  When I first started differentiating from my family, I was mostly angry with my dad, because I saw him as the enforcer of the ideas that promoted abuse in my home growing up. I remembered all the … [Read more...]

Re-Post: Lies we tell ourselves about abuse

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This post was originally published June 2011. One of the things that prompted my finally admitting my own denial, was realizing I did not want to parent the way I was parented.  I wanted to believe that how I grew up had not been harmful, I wanted so badly for my parents to be right, that I refused to think about it, refused to deal with it, and even repeated it. In the end, my desire to not hurt my kids was stronger than my desire for my parents to be right.  That is what snapped me out of the fog, and forced me to get help. (I have one more re-post after this one. To read about what prompted this, check out this post.)  We want to think the best of people. We want to tell o … [Read more...]

Re-post: A Mama’s Journey

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This was originally published June of 2011. I've also included an excerpt from a post I wrote the year before that. Words can't fully explain how life-changing it was for me to begin to see my children as people, not sinful rebellious little beings I must force into compliance. Recognizing that how I was parenting was wrong, forced me to acknowledge that how I was parented had harmed me. My desire to parent my children gently, was the fuel that pushed me to get into counseling and get help for the first time. It's hard to believe it's been 5 years since I began the journey of Gentle Parenting.  I recently found an old list of “important goals” that I wanted to achieve in parenting. … [Read more...]

Re-Post: Rights of a Child

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This post was originally published August 2011. It was part of my reaction to Michael Farris' creating a "parent's rights" amendment and proposing to amend our constitution. It was a big realization for me that the parent is not sacred, that they do not always know what is best for their child, and sometimes they need help. It helped me to take a step toward freedom from the weight of my parents expectations of me, and also help me be less afraid of acknowledging my own shortcomings as a parent, and be less afraid to get help and learn more. Several months ago, my mom was spouting off against the government and Child Protective Services in a phone conversation, saying that they should never … [Read more...]

Breaking the Silence

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Cynthia Jeub telling her story brings up a lot for me. Memories. Memories of hiding in small dark places with my hands clamped firmly over my ears to try to block out the screams of a sibling who was being "disciplined." Being isolated, and truly having no one to tell, no one to turn to for help. Memories of fear and shame and rage. Nightmares. Dreams where it all happens over again. That sick feeling in my stomach over not being able to help, change the circumstances, sick from fear. Heart racing, waking up in a sweat. Waking up and still feeling tired after long night. Regret. That I didn't say something then. That I didn't know what was happening to me and my siblings was abusive. … [Read more...]

Malpractice on the Air

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It was almost midnight and I was driving home after my usual shift. Yawning, I pushed the radio button hoping to catch a peppy song to keep me awake, but the station that usually plays pop music had one of those call-in counseling shows on. “Hello Brooke, so you are 19 and pregnant?”“Yes, unexpectedly so.”“Wow, you’re going to be a mom.”“Yeah, I’m excited, but nervous, because I don’t have a lot of support ya know?”  I fumbled with the dial, trying to change the channel before I got sucked in, but it was too late.  “Don’t you have family?” The host asked.“Well, they don’t really want to be a part of my life.”“Oh, that’s sad, why not?”“Well, they th … [Read more...]


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