It’s Not Just The Duggars

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This post has been a long time coming, and with the Duggar scandal all over the news, its been on my mind again. First off, let me say that what Josh Duggar did was wrong, and how the media has handled this story has been pretty awful too. Tabloids have been flippant about sharing police documents with the victims names on them, and since the Duggar family has been very vocally against LGBTQ people who they claim are child-molesters, there are a lot of people eager to point out the hypocrisy of covering up the deeds of a child molester in their midst. I think there is plenty out there on what happened, and how it was "handled", I want to talk about the why. So many people are shocked and … [Read more...]

Fight or Flight

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I noticed it the first time about six months after finally recognizing issues I had with my upbringing and  making the decision to stop spanking our kids. Ms Action plopped her bottom onto the floor and accidentally onto a hard toy in the process. She jumped up with a shriek, holding her bottom and crying. I had seen the whole thing from across the room, I knew what had happened, and that it was an accident, and that she would probably be ok, but my heart was racing, blood roared in my ears, my breathing was fast and shallow and I wanted to run. I pulled it together, and managed to comfort her, but couldn't put my finger on why I had reacted so strongly.I walked to the park with the … [Read more...]

Rather Dead Than Queer

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I’m so cripplingly lonely. I have parents that think I shouldn’t be allowed to go out with friends more than once every couple months because they don’t want me to make friends that accept my gender. I never get any social interaction, I just sit in my room and listen to indie music and browse tumblr all day. My social anxiety is at an all time high and my stuttering is worse than it’s ever been. -Quote from Leelah's Tumblr I remember trying to figure out a way to explain. A way to describe how the rejection feels. Every statement about "god's plan", and "god's design", pounding it further and further into your head, that god does not love you the way you are, god despises and rejects people … [Read more...]

What I Understand

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In my last re-post I talked about how I am not my parents. This stemmed from being told again and again (whenever I disagreed with my parents stance on something) that when I was older, when I was a parent, when I was a parent of many...I would magically understand why my parents did what they did.The implication being that I would agree with and condone what they did as well.The breakthrough I talked about in that post, was stating that I will never "understand" or feel that abuse was justified, and I stand by that statement. But some of what they are saying is true. I have begun to understand some things.I have four children, I work on my feet forty hours a week, my wife … [Read more...]

Re-post: I am Not My Parents

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This post was originally published in May of 2011. I'll admit, I still go back to read this post on occasion. Because the fear of hurting my kids is so overwhelming at times, I need that reminder that I am not doomed to repeat the past, that change is not only possible, it is already happening.    This post has been finished for weeks, but for some reason I haven’t felt brave enough to post it. I can’t find anything else to tweak, so here I am closing my eyes and hitting publish.  When I first started differentiating from my family, I was mostly angry with my dad, because I saw him as the enforcer of the ideas that promoted abuse in my home growing up. I remembered all the … [Read more...]

Re-Post: Lies we tell ourselves about abuse

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This post was originally published June 2011. One of the things that prompted my finally admitting my own denial, was realizing I did not want to parent the way I was parented.  I wanted to believe that how I grew up had not been harmful, I wanted so badly for my parents to be right, that I refused to think about it, refused to deal with it, and even repeated it. In the end, my desire to not hurt my kids was stronger than my desire for my parents to be right.  That is what snapped me out of the fog, and forced me to get help. (I have one more re-post after this one. To read about what prompted this, check out this post.)  We want to think the best of people. We want to tell o … [Read more...]


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