Brave New Life: Part 4: An Overcast Summer


This post is part of a series, click here to start with the introduction.The grapevine raged and the news was spreading fast. Random people who hadn’t been in touch over the last 7 years suddenly sent us long involved email lectures on how wrong we were, and how much they cared about us, and how could we do this to people who cared about us? At first we tried to respond to them, answering their questions, and explaining as best we could. But when it became clear that most of them had no actual interest in our experience, but just wanted to be a spokesperson for their idea of god, we got better at discerning which confrontations to engage with.We heard that Haley’s parents had told the … [Read more...]

Keeping Never Good Enough at Bay


I went to a visit with a counselor recently, and talked about the persistent feeling of failure that is always there in the back of my mind. Logically, I know that I am taking steps to be a better parent, that I have changed so much about how I relate to my children, and yet most of the time I feel like I am a “bad mom”. Why? Because I could have more energy, do more fun projects, keep the house cleaner, never have grumpy days, in short, I could be perfect. Yeah, that perfectionism thing still dogs me.The feeling hits me in other ways too, why haven’t I been able to pin down what exactly I want to pursue education in? Why can’t I make more money? Why do I still have so many insecurities a … [Read more...]

“The Easy Fix”


There is this religious long-time understanding of humanity as a broken and in need of being fixed by a savior. The idea that people are messed up and only a third party intervention by a deity is going to make them good and perfect again. In this understanding, people can try all they want to fix themselves, but in the end the only thing that is going to redeem them from their inherent awfulness, is a savior.I used to think of any human attempt to get help as similar to slapping a band-aid on a gaping wound. They were trying to treat the symptoms, instead of dealing with the root problem and solving everything once and for all.For example, in my mind at the time, taking an Advil for … [Read more...]

Mama Health: Motivation for Self-care

Before we moved, life was complicated. My spouse was working in a non-accepting environment and I dreaded going to church every Sunday. But apart from that, I had never felt so healthy in all my life. My marriage was amazing, my parenting relationship to my kids was being transformed more and more, my confidence was growing by the day it seemed. Since moving I’ve felt it slip a little. Moving is exhausting, and sometimes I was less than the parent I wanted to be. The week we came out to family, my body freaked out. I had sores in my mouth, and came down with the worst case of mastitis I’ve ever had. Telling family about the parts of our life that we knew they would not understand, was scary a … [Read more...]

Unwrapping the Onion: Part 5: The Beauty of Acceptance

Found via PinterestThis post is part of a series of nine posts. Please click here to start with the series Introduction.It was the end of 2010. I was starting to question the existence of God while my spouse was as Christian as ever. Sometimes I did not understand how he could keep believing in a God who had made him this way and then said that he couldn’t do anything about it. I couldn’t understand how it was god-honoring for a person to live their life “the way god wanted them too” while being miserable and secretly hoping that they would get into an accident somehow that would force the removal of the hormone producing organs that caused them so much mental anguish. The thought reminded me … [Read more...]

Gentle Parenting Tools: Parental Self-care

Since I started out married life and motherhood in a very unhealthy pattern of doing it all and never taking the time to care for myself, I take parental self-care seriously. This is still a huge area of struggle for me. Despite my writing about taking care of health needs, making space in your life for doing the things you like, and spending time and money on yourself, I often feel guilty when I do those things.That said, I am miles ahead of where I was! I actually buy the supplements I need, I am going to a counsellor regularly, I don’t feel guilty for taking time to shower anymore, and despite long wakeful nights with restless babies I’ve managed to snatch an extra hour of sleep in the … [Read more...]