The Decision that Changed my Life

We were at a park with our kids. I watched a young mom play in the sprinkler area with her incredibly chubby baby girl. The mom became engrossed in her conversation with another mom, and baby waddled off by herself and reached for the sprinkler, giggling at the feeling of the water against her hand. After a moment, she wandered away from the sprinkler area and down the hill toward the jungle gym. The mother looked up and called to her baby, but baby didn’t even look back, she was intent on reaching the colourful play structure. Mom laughed and excused herself from the conversation and trotted after her baby, catching up with her easily. I felt myself involuntarily tensing, but there were no b … [Read more...]

A Mama’s Journey

I recently found an old list of “important goals” that I wanted to achieve in parenting. The list was titled Baby Boot Camp and it included weaning my kids off their pacifier and bottle, teaching them to come immediately when called, potty training my oldest, teaching them to stop whatever they were doing when I told them to, and training them to sit still through a church service.At the time I wrote this list, my children were aged two and one. About six months after I made that list, when I was 8 months pregnant with our third, tired and overwhelmed and struggling with depression again, I realized that I was an abusive parent.******************************It was the evening of a long day, m … [Read more...]

National Spank Out Day

I felt so lost when I first decided not to spank. It seemed like there were just no resources for parents like me. After almost 2 years, I am continually surprised by the sheer amount of great information on why spanking is damaging, and tons of great resources on gentle parenting. The links to articles and websites that I have saved in my favorites continues to grow, and I am seriously considering starting a new resource page on my blog where I can continue to link information as I find it for anyone looking for that type of thing.Today is National Spank Out day, and I don't have a post of my own ready. So instead I am sharing a few of the posts I've written in the past, as … [Read more...]

Gentle Parenting Tools: Recognize Feelings

Over fifty percent of the many spankings I received as a child were because of feelings, emotions, or as my parents called it “attitude”. Initially I thought that emotions in general were bad, but as time went on I realized that the fact was that children’s emotions did not matter in my home. My parents could feel angry or tired or sad and no one spanked them, but children were not allowed to have feelings. As an adult, I now realize that telling someone not to feel is as ridiculous as telling them not to be hungry. I still feel all of the emotions I felt as a child, only now I am expected to communicate them for the first time. I often find myself in denial of my emotions, fortunately I … [Read more...]

Gentle Parenting Tools: Mutual Respect

The following excerpts are taken from my favourite sourcebook for parenting to date. I cannot recommend “Discipline without Distress” highly enough. Judy Arnall addresses dilemma’s in parenting and then gives you the tools to deal with them. This book has had such an impact on me that I have already mentioned it on this blog twice before. I was desperate to find help for how to parent without spanking (which felt like such an impossible task for long months after I quit!) and this book is the one that I went on to purchase, and continue to re-read when I run into new questions or problems. I love that she does not dictate a formula for raising kids, and she does not aruge that there is only o … [Read more...]

Spanking and Trust

Recently Ms Drama had some dry skin patches on her lower back. One night I was rubbing some lotion on the dry spots for her and without warning she flopped onto my lap, lying over my knees, her body completely relaxed. My instant reaction was shock, and after a moment I realized why.**************I remember being 9 or 10 and asking my mom for help with my clothes. The zipper on the back of my dress was stuck and I couldn’t reach it with enough strength to pull it open. It proved difficult for my mom too, and when she couldn’t get it open she asked me to bend over so she could see what she was doing better. My body couldn’t do it. I heard what she was asking me to do, and my head told my … [Read more...]