Re-post: I am Not My Parents

October 24, 2014 by Leave a Comment
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This post was originally published in May of 2011. I'll admit, I still go back to read this post on occasion. Because the fear of hurting my kids is so overwhelming at times, I need that reminder that I am not doomed to repeat the past, that change is not only possible, it is already happening.    This post has been finished for weeks, but for some reason I haven’t felt brave enough to post it. I can’t find anything else to tweak, so here I am closing my eyes and hitting publish.  When I first started differentiating from my family, I was mostly angry with my dad, because I saw him as the enforcer of the ideas that promoted abuse in my home growing up. I remembered all the … [Read more...]

Filed Under: Abuse, Healing, Parenting Tagged With: , , Leave a Comment

Re-Post: Lies we tell ourselves about abuse

October 21, 2014 by Leave a Comment
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This post was originally published June 2011. One of the things that prompted my finally admitting my own denial, was realizing I did not want to parent the way I was parented.  I wanted to believe that how I grew up had not been harmful, I wanted so badly for my parents to be right, that I refused to think about it, refused to deal with it, and even repeated it. In the end, my desire to not hurt my kids was stronger than my desire for my parents to be right.  That is what snapped me out of the fog, and forced me to get help. (I have one more re-post after this one. To read about what prompted this, check out this post.)  We want to think the best of people. We want to tell o … [Read more...]

Filed Under: Abuse, Conservative Christianity, Healing, My Childhood, Shame Tagged With: , , Leave a Comment

Re-post: A Mama’s Journey

October 14, 2014 by Leave a Comment
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This was originally published June of 2011. I've also included an excerpt from a post I wrote the year before that. Words can't fully explain how life-changing it was for me to begin to see my children as people, not sinful rebellious little beings I must force into compliance. Recognizing that how I was parenting was wrong, forced me to acknowledge that how I was parented had harmed me. My desire to parent my children gently, was the fuel that pushed me to get into counseling and get help for the first time. It's hard to believe it's been 5 years since I began the journey of Gentle Parenting.  I recently found an old list of “important goals” that I wanted to achieve in parenting. … [Read more...]

Filed Under: Abuse, Healing, Parenting, Reflections Tagged With: , , , Leave a Comment

Re-Post: Rights of a Child

October 11, 2014 by Leave a Comment
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This post was originally published August 2011. It was part of my reaction to Michael Farris' creating a "parent's rights" amendment and proposing to amend our constitution. It was a big realization for me that the parent is not sacred, that they do not always know what is best for their child, and sometimes they need help. It helped me to take a step toward freedom from the weight of my parents expectations of me, and also help me be less afraid of acknowledging my own shortcomings as a parent, and be less afraid to get help and learn more. Several months ago, my mom was spouting off against the government and Child Protective Services in a phone conversation, saying that they should never … [Read more...]

Filed Under: Abuse, Conservative Christianity, Healing, My Childhood, Parenting, Politics Tagged With: , , Leave a Comment

Re-Post: I’m Not Afraid Anymore

October 10, 2014 by Leave a Comment
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This post was originally published November 2010. I had spent years trying to put on a good face, hide any issues I might have because it could be a "bad witness" to the redemption of Christ. This was one of the first times I talked openly about depression, and shortly after that got into counseling for the first time. 2011 ended up being a huge year of growth for me. I struggle with depression.There are several dark years in my Teens. Years where I didn’t want to get up out of bed, where I had a hard time smiling, where I thought about suicide and planned how I could end my pain forever. At some point, I discovered several food sensitivities as well as low thyroid and was able to ma … [Read more...]

Filed Under: Conservative Christianity, Depression, Healing, Shame, Who Am I Tagged With: , , , , Leave a Comment

Re-post: Never Good Enough

October 9, 2014 by Leave a Comment
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This post was originally published in August of 2010. It was the first time I said anything but positive things about the way I was raised. I remember being surprised that so many people responded with compassion and encouragement, I had been bracing myself for people to tell me I was being ungrateful and exaggerating, as had been my experience when I had questioned anything in the past. It was shortly after this that I spoke to my parents about what had been harmful to me in childhood, in the hopes that things would be different for my siblings. Realizing that I did not have to pretend I was perfect, and that I could possibly be good enough, was a huge breakthrough moment for me.  I … [Read more...]

Filed Under: Depression, Healing, My Childhood, Shame Tagged With: , , Leave a Comment

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