Learning Humility

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We got a mattress.It’s the first big ticket purchase we’ve made in a long time so it’s kind of a big deal.The delivery guys were coming between 9 and 12 on Saturday to drop it off. This was good. I don’t work Saturday, Haley does, but I usually take advantage of an entire day where I am not tired from already working an eight hour shift on my feet to get some cleaning done.And then they showed up at 9:14, when I had just finished feeding everyone breakfast and getting them all dressed and barely started picking up. I let them in, and showed them our bedroom down the hall. One of them was sweet, he smiled, gave the kids mints, and didn’t seem to mind stepping around the piles of la … [Read more...]

Substance and Spice

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 I worked second shift for 8 months. 30+ hours a week, going to bed at 1 in the morning, getting up to watch the kids during the day, and going to work as soon as evening arrived. 2 months ago, I had the chance to switch to daytime hours, so I did. And the deal came with full-time hours and a decent raise to boot. So now I get up early, work 8 hours and come home before my oldest gets home from school. They are good hours, dream hours really, some people work their whole lives to get hours like these. It’s been good. And it’s been new.New is exhausting sometimes. We enrolled Ms Drama in school, and went to her kindergarten orientation. I sat back in my chair and yaw … [Read more...]

Oblivious to Privilege:Part Two

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Part Two of Haley's Guest Post...The experience of living in two genders and perceived to have different sexual orientations, has made me aware of privilege and how oblivious I once was to it. I don’t share my experiences as some guilt trip to people who possess privilege or to paint a picture that my life is really hard. My life is really great. I am living freely and openly. I wake up and I look forward to what the day will hold. Honestly, my life has never been better. However, reflecting on privilege and how my perceptions of it evolved as I evolved, can be illuminating. In fact while I've lost some privileges I've gained a new one. It is a privilege to grow in empathy and see so m … [Read more...]

Shame and Hospitality

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Haley had scheduled the get-together a week in advance. I knew all about it. And then we both forgot.Haley called me at 4 in the afternoon, “Do you remember that we have people coming over at 6?” My whole day came crashing down.We hadn’t cleaned the house that weekend, because no one was feeling that well. There was a mountain of laundry in the kitchen in front of the wash machine, and the sink was full of dishes. Toys were scattered throughout the house along with used tissues from all the snotty noses. I had nothing on hand to serve a guest. I wanted to cry.I snapped at the kids, I turned up the radio and buckled down to cleaning as fast as I could. I cleaned up the bathroom, mo … [Read more...]

The Habit of Peace

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Every season is nice, but each one ends up feeling about 6 weeks too long for my taste. I have always hated the month of January, long, cold, gray, lonely January.And this year February starts with more snow.I may be tired of the cold, but the snow is beautiful. What makes it swirl as it falls? It’s like a soft blanket for the soul. Watching it fall soothes the hurts, it feels like a hug.Quiet. That’s what it is. Snow falling is the definition of quiet, even if you are surrounded by chaos, lightly falling snow is a visual representation of peace.Peace. I’m still learning the meaning of the word. I used to think that peace meant that everything was perfect, something to be stri … [Read more...]

On Growing Older

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This post was written by my wife Haley.Today I read a book titled, “In Our Mothers’ house.” (The title means mothers plural, even Word wants to be heterosexist and change it to “Mother’s” house.) This book tells the story about a lesbian couple through their lifespan as an elementary school children’s book. The story picks up with a lesbian couple adopting three kids and ends with those kids grown and eventually burying their moms after they got old and died. I couldn’t help but get teary eyed as I read the book to my five year old daughter. I found the story so beautiful. I saw a glimpse of me and my wife growing old together and how after raising our own four kids, we’d someday probably … [Read more...]


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