The fear was always there.
Tears pushing against my eyelids.
The tightening in my chest when I questioned.
Always doubting my thoughts. Always ignoring my feelings.
Questions about life
Waiting for someone to tell me what to do.
Waiting for someone to tell me how to breathe.
Waiting for permission.
Permission to live.
Because I was,
“Not old enough to be wise.”
“Not smart enough to decide.”
“Not ‘man’ enough to think for myself.”
“Not mature enough to make the next step.” “Not Godly enough to know what to do.” Without permission.
So I existed.
Going through the motions that had been decided for me.
Until I realized.
I am just as able as anyone else.
I do not have to be afraid. I can do what I want to do.
I can make mistakes,
my own mistakes.
So each day I take a deep breath,
and give myself,
Permission To Live.