Brave New Life: Part 7: The Journey Continues

This post is part of a series, to start with the introduction click here.It feels a little silly to write the last planned post of this series when I stopped adding to it over a year ago! But It still feels incomplete to me, and so here I am.Relating to non-affirming friends and family when coming out isn't a race. It's more like a marathon. It's exhausting, it takes endurance and persistence. I purposely choose to live a distance away from them because I know how much interaction I can handle. Sometimes I feel guilty for not living closer, so I could be more available for siblings, or so my kids could more easily experience aunts, uncles and grandparents. But I know that the fantasy … [Read more...]

Fundamentalist Approved Feminist Literature

I read constantly. It was a way to find out more about the world outside my parents home, and escape from the day in day out monotony, and other than our family movie nights, some of my only entertainment.Some books that I read, were not approved. I speed-read them without my parents knowledge in the library (The Princess Diaries Series, Star Wars Sci-Fi) and later when I had access to book stores bought them and hid them in the cabinet that was mine (Leon Uris and Chiam Potok). Sometimes unapproved books made their way into our house from grandparents downsizing (Readers Digest collections) or a large box of classics a distant relative or friend dropped off for the homeschool kids, … [Read more...]

Re-Post: I’m Not Afraid Anymore

This post was originally published November 2010. I had spent years trying to put on a good face, hide any issues I might have because it could be a "bad witness" to the redemption of Christ. This was one of the first times I talked openly about depression, and shortly after that got into counseling for the first time. 2011 ended up being a huge year of growth for me. I struggle with depression.There are several dark years in my Teens. Years where I didn’t want to get up out of bed, where I had a hard time smiling, where I thought about suicide and planned how I could end my pain forever. At some point, I discovered several food sensitivities as well as low thyroid and was able to ma … [Read more...]

Re-post: Never Good Enough

This post was originally published in August of 2010. It was the first time I said anything but positive things about the way I was raised. I remember being surprised that so many people responded with compassion and encouragement, I had been bracing myself for people to tell me I was being ungrateful and exaggerating, as had been my experience when I had questioned anything in the past. It was shortly after this that I spoke to my parents about what had been harmful to me in childhood, in the hopes that things would be different for my siblings. Realizing that I did not have to pretend I was perfect, and that I could possibly be good enough, was a huge breakthrough moment for me.  I … [Read more...]

Brave New Life: Part 6: Never the same, and that’s OK

This post is part of a seven part series. To start with the introduction click here.We went to visit for the first time about a year after coming out, it had been almost 2 years since I had seen any of my younger siblings. It was so scary, knowing that just your existence caused so much drama makes it really nerve-wracking  to voluntarily hang out. It makes you second guess each thing you say or do, worrying that something could inadvertently offend or enrage people who have to work so hard to tolerate you. On the other hand, you just want to relax and be yourself, and not try to be something you’re not just to keep the peace. The words from my mom about love mattering more than who was r … [Read more...]

Brave New Life: Part 2: Coming Out When You Expect The Worst

This post is part of a series, click here to start with the introduction.We were in our new home, we were starting to un-pack. We even went to the library and got library cards. But it wasn’t time to relax yet, there was still one thing left to do. We had to come out. We had taken the baby steps, we had come out to ourselves and each other, that was huge, and then we had confided in a select few who we knew to be compassionate and supportive, but the next step was a whole different game.We knew our parents and most of the rest of our family and friends would not understand or be accepting, much less supportive. In fact, my mom had been asking for our new address, and I had tried to d … [Read more...]


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