You are You (And that’s Beautiful)

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We had just moved to a new state, and a new city. Haley had been officially living as herself and presenting as female full-time for only a few days. We made the chilly trek with the kids out to the store to pick out cell phones and sign up for a plan.The person helping us was polite and sweet. He had long dark hair and a delicate face, after we clarified who was Melissa and who was Haley, he put out his hand and said brightly “So nice to meet you! My name is..” and then stuttered and seemed to glance down at the nametag attached to his shirt, finishing quietly “… John.”  We got our phones, and left the shop, but both Haley and I had noticed the weird slip around the name, and wondered if … [Read more...]

Butch, Femme, Style, and Developing a Sense of Self

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 I remember climbing up the fence to scramble onto the roof, sometimes holding the hem of my skirt between my teeth while I climbed helped to keep it out of the way. I remember sitting in the apple tree reading my book, and how I jumped down and a branch hooked onto the hem and ripped a 2 foot gash in my skirt. My younger brother had a pair of combat boots that I would wear sometimes, just around the house or yard, they were awesome. I went on a trip with my grandparents, part of what made it so awesome was that I got to wear jeans and boots for hiking pretty much every day.Style and sense of self weren’t so much a discovery in my childhood. What we could or could not wear was s … [Read more...]

On Growing Older

Holding Hands with Elderly Patient

This post was written by my wife Haley.Today I read a book titled, “In Our Mothers’ house.” (The title means mothers plural, even Word wants to be heterosexist and change it to “Mother’s” house.) This book tells the story about a lesbian couple through their lifespan as an elementary school children’s book. The story picks up with a lesbian couple adopting three kids and ends with those kids grown and eventually burying their moms after they got old and died. I couldn’t help but get teary eyed as I read the book to my five year old daughter. I found the story so beautiful. I saw a glimpse of me and my wife growing old together and how after raising our own four kids, we’d someday probably … [Read more...]

Loving Every BODY

Found via Pinterest Last summer as we waited for our food to arrive in a restaurant, Ms Action noticed a very large woman sitting in the booth across from us. “Mom!” She said, “That lady has a big belly!” I gently shushed her and said “It’s not nice to talk about how big people are.” I hoped that the poor woman across from us hadn’t heard my 4 year olds observation.But it didn’t feel right. I sat there and felt like I had just taught my daughter to be ashamed of fatness. I had told her to be quiet, that being fat wasn’t something we talked about. Did the silence imply that there was something bad about being fat? I wondered why I had been so quick to shush her, and the only reason I could co … [Read more...]


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