Butch, Femme, Style, and Developing a Sense of Self

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  I remember climbing up the fence to scramble onto the roof, sometimes holding the hem of my skirt between my teeth while I climbed helped to keep it out of the way. I remember sitting in the apple tree reading my book, and how I jumped down and a branch hooked onto the hem and ripped a 2 foot gash in my skirt. My younger brother had a pair of combat boots that I would wear sometimes, just around the house or yard, they were awesome. I went on a trip with my grandparents, part of what made it so awesome was that I got to wear jeans and boots for hiking pretty much every day. Style and sense of self weren’t so much a discovery in my childhood. What we could or could not wear was … [Read more...]

It really wasn’t that long ago

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Does this look familiar to you? I remember seeing Lucy get spanked by Ricki, and I didn't even grow up with a television, so it must have been in the few episodes I saw as a kid. It was always treated as humorous, with Lucy making faces and the audience laughing. I never witnessed a fully adult woman get spanked in real life, but scenes like this didn't shock me. Lucy was "bad" and Ricki was reacting to her badness by teaching her a lesson, showing her her proper place. I didn't think it was strange that the show never featured Lucy spanking Ricki for laughs.   I remember seeing The Quiet Man with John  Wayne and Maureen O Hara where he drags his wife for several miles and … [Read more...]

Who I am

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Who am I? It’s a question that I started asking in earnest only a short time ago, and it seems like an endless process. It started with trying to figure out where I felt the most like me, the most at peace, the most beautiful. Little pieces came together slowly, separating who I am from who I was told to be. Some pieces were rather easy. I knew that I loved to read good books, that I love to write, that I enjoy messing around in the kitchen. But other peices felt mysterious to me, like looking in the mirror at a stranger. Who was that person? For a long time, I believed that question was wrong. That it didn’t matter who I was, it mattered who God was, and my only purpose in lifewas … [Read more...]

Equal but Different Vs Equal means Equal

Just a few weeks back Rachel Held Evans (a fantastic christian blogger) put together a week of posts on the topic of Complementarianism and Egalitarianism. She called it the week of Mutuality, and many people participated in writing their own thoughts on women, marriage and church. There were so many posts linked at her synchro blog it was overwhelming, and with my 4 kids and super slow computer I had no time to read all of them. But I wanted to share the stories and ideas that leapt out at me. I urge you to go and read the rest of these posts, I have just linked a small portion of them which can only give a partial view of the great ideas and conversations going on here. Here in her … [Read more...]

Submission and Prison Cells: Part 2

Click here for Part OneLet me start by saying a sincere “I am sorry” to “Yellowbunnys” (whoever she was, and wherever she is now) and to all the other women I shamed that day. I was wrong. I was arrogant. I was hurtful. It is painful for me to even read what I believed then, much less how I judged others and tried to force them to believe it too.At the time I wrote that, I was barely getting past Post-Partum Depression with my first baby, and was about to be hit with a second wave of it after the birth of my second. I struggled to fulfill my self-imposed idea of perfection, but believed that any and all of the seeming problems with the submission doctrines were my own … [Read more...]

Submission and Prison Cells: Part 1

Almost five years ago, I was a devout conservative Christian. I had been married over two years, had a toddler Ms Action running around and a baby Ms Drama due in a few months. I loved my spouse beyond what I had ever thought love was when we first got married, and I still dutifully tried to keep the house immaculate and dinner on the table by the time he walked in the door. I read lots of books on marriage and childrearing, and I gave some of them away too. I remember in particular giving away copies of “To Train up a Child” and “Be Fruitful and Multiply”. I did my best to live up to the ideas I found in the Bible, the Christian books and magazines I read, and the … [Read more...]


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