Submission and Prison Cells: Part 1

Almost five years ago, I was a devout conservative Christian. I had been married over two years, had a toddler Ms Action running around and a baby Ms Drama due in a few months. I loved my spouse beyond what I had ever thought love was when we first got married, and I still dutifully tried to keep the house immaculate and dinner on the table by the time he walked in the door. I read lots of books on marriage and childrearing, and I gave some of them away too. I remember in particular giving away copies of “To Train up a Child” and “Be Fruitful and Multiply”. I did my best to live up to the ideas I found in the Bible, the Christian books and magazines I read, and the teachings I … [Read more...]

Guest Post: Pray Together or Stay Together

 “So you were a Christian when you married him, and now you’re not sure?” We were sitting outside our classroom, chatting during our break. My new friend had been asking me for marriage advice, and now things were going suddenly wrong. I shrugged off her accusatory tone and pressed on.“Yes” I replied, “It’s been hard, but it’s also been a growing experience. We’ve learned a lot about each other and about…” She interrupted me.“So you basically pretended to be a Christian for just long enough to get a good guy and then immediately gave up your faith?” I think I should have gotten angry, but instead I just felt sick. “Of course not! I would never have chosen to add so much pain to my life.” … [Read more...]

The “Shoulds” of Motherhood

There is a reoccurring theme that I see in articles about motherhood that always makes me cringe. Many of them say something to this effect:Motherhood is the most fulfilling, enthralling, special, exciting, wonderful thing you will ever do. Sacrifice everything about you, because nothing is as important as bringing up your children. Be an example of a mother who loves her kids in a world of people who see children as irrelevant worthless inconveniences. I used to believe this line of reasoning. In many ways its true. Being a parent will change your world and sometimes it is enthralling and fulfilling, even exciting. But sometimes it’s not. And when it wasn’t, I felt incredibly ashamed. Over t … [Read more...]

Unwrapping the Onion: Part 5: The Beauty of Acceptance

Found via PinterestThis post is part of a series of nine posts. Please click here to start with the series Introduction.It was the end of 2010. I was starting to question the existence of God while my spouse was as Christian as ever. Sometimes I did not understand how he could keep believing in a God who had made him this way and then said that he couldn’t do anything about it. I couldn’t understand how it was god-honoring for a person to live their life “the way god wanted them too” while being miserable and secretly hoping that they would get into an accident somehow that would force the removal of the hormone producing organs that caused them so much mental anguish. The thought reminded me … [Read more...]

Unwrapping the Onion: Part 3: A Growing Up Story

Before I go any further I just want to make it clear that my spouse has participated in the writing and editing of this series, and has given their full support and approval of it's publication.This post is part of a series of nine posts. Please click here to start with the series Introduction.Over the next number of months it seemed that we talked about transgender questions and issues constantly. My spouse had been unable to talk about this for so long and now it was like a floodgate had opened. He told me about how he had always felt different, that even as a small child he wished he could play with some of the girls’ toys and wondered why he couldn’t have long hair like his sis … [Read more...]

Babies, Duggars and Me

The command to be fruitful and multiply was mentioned frequently in our marriage ceremony and reception. But it didn’t really need to be, we both knew what we believed. One of the questions we had discussed during our courtship was our commitment to never use birth control.Read any Quiverfull publication, and you will see a heavy emphasis on how children are “blessings”. The Above Rubies magazine is filled with stories of giving up birth control and the subsequent blessing showered on families who choose to leave their fertility to God. The magazine has even run several stories where “the mother’s life was saved” against all odds by yet one more risky pregnancy. This mentality is against … [Read more...]