Breaking the Silence

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Cynthia Jeub telling her story brings up a lot for me. Memories. Memories of hiding in small dark places with my hands clamped firmly over my ears to try to block out the screams of a sibling who was being "disciplined." Being isolated, and truly having no one to tell, no one to turn to for help. Memories of fear and shame and rage. Nightmares. Dreams where it all happens over again. That sick feeling in my stomach over not being able to help, change the circumstances, sick from fear. Heart racing, waking up in a sweat. Waking up and still feeling tired after long night. Regret. That I didn't say something then. That I didn't know what was happening to me and my siblings was abusive. … [Read more...]

Dr King, Homeschooling, and Selective Education

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I rolled out of bed late Monday morning and when we eventually turned on the Television, the Presidential inauguration was in full swing. At some point the name of Martin Luther King Jr was mentioned and Ms Action announced “I know about Martin Luther King, there is a song about him!”“That’s why you are off of school today, it’s a holiday to celebrate Martin Luther King.”“White people killed him mom.” She told me solemnly. “Yes they did.” I replied. “Some people think that white people are better than black people, and they killed Martin Luther King.” She was quiet for a moment, and then said “But that’s not true mom, white people and black people are the same. And we don’t need to or … [Read more...]

I’m proud to be her Mom

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I wake her up by crawling into bed next to her, and we cuddle for a few minutes. She yawns and stretches; I sing her the song I sang to her when she was a small baby. Suddenly her eyes pop open with excitement “Is this the day I get to go to school mom?”My heart skips a beat, but I affirm that yes this is her big day and then listen while she chatters about her hopes for school. We eat some fruit together and wonder what she will eat for breakfast at school. She puts on the outfit that she picked the night before and then we brush her teeth. We take a picture, and then her and Haley walk down the street to where the bus stop is. I stay home with the other kids who are still sleeping, not … [Read more...]

Fear of School

The van pulls up in front of our house, and a mom and her son get out. They stop here every morning, to wait for the school bus. Usually this happens without incident, but this morning is different. The boy is hanging on his mom’s leg, and when she tries to walk back to the car he begins to cry. She crouches down and they talk for a little while, and she fishes out a tissue for him to wipe his tears. She gives him a hug as the bus pulls up to the corner, and for a moment it looks like he is going to get on after all, but then he pulls back and begins to cry again and the mom carries him back to the car instead. Watching this happen outside my window, I experienced my usual reaction. The l … [Read more...]

Why I wish I had gone to College

Every morning, I get up and make breakfast for the family. We have potty breaks and diaper changes all around, and I negotiate outfits with toddlers. When everyone is dressed, I try to change out of my pajamas too. I spend the day corralling kids, nursing babies, reading them books and occasionally pulling out a messy project for them to try. I do the laundry and wash the dishes (most days anyways). I might read a book of my own in little snatches throughout the day, and if I’m lucky I might get a shot at a shower when my husband is home to watch the little kids.Sounds like the life of any stay-at-home-mom, right? Except I’ve been doing it for 16 years, and I’m only in my mid-twenties.Before … [Read more...]

Guilt, fear and parenting choices.

Once upon a time, I had to stop reading “Biblical parenting” books and websites after I made the decision to quit spanking. If I read them, I would become frightened, and wonder if I was failing my children. With almost 2 years of gentle parenting under my belt, I have reached the confidence level where I can handle reading about other types of discipline. But now I find myself filled with anxiety and pain over homeschooling. Don’t get me wrong, I love the concept. I’m glad that families choose to homeschool. Some of the gentle parenting blogs I follow also homeschool, and I’ve had a lot of fun reading about cool projects or ideas related to homeschooling.But when I come across blog posts tha … [Read more...]


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